Who's Taking Care of You?

Let's face it. As a rule, women are pretty flat out awesome. They manage their families, work from and outside the home (usually at a lower rate than a man). They run carpools and corporations. They volunteer in their community, their church and their kids' schools. They coach Little League, lead scout troops and help feed the homeless. They care for aging parents, next door neighbors and their friend's kiddos. They lift weights, run marathons and kill it at Cross Fit. They deprive themselves of carbs, sugar, gluten and fat. If they're not doing all of these things, they, pretty much, think they should be and are quiet adept at giving themselves a good stern talking to when they miss the mark. Especially at this time of year. December of one year is getting ready to roll into January of the next and all around the country, if not the world, women are assessing all of their shortcomings and shoulds while mustering all the determination and willpower they can. It's exhausting to think about isn't it?

Somewhere in the middle of all the doing, countless women are lost. They're lost and disconnected. Maybe it's you. I know it's been me. Only now something is happening. There is a major life shift going on in my life and by golly, I think it can happen for you, too.



Today, I am hyper aware, intensely sensitive and downright emotional. Today, this very day, I feel as if I've walked out of a fog and stepped into the middle of a technicolor LIFE! It's not overly dramatizing the way I feel when I say I feel like I just got my LIFE, my WHOLE awesome LIFE, handed back to me. And it is nothing short of amazing.



If you were to ask me how I lost myself, I'd be hard-pressed to tell you. It was one step then another, one omission of self care after another, one decision after another. It was nothing big but as all those steps, omissions and decisions piled on top of each other, I was suddenly lost, buried. I had no energy,  lived in pain day after day, struggled with mobility, lived in a foggy, stressed, agitated mind. I was at times quite depressed but didn't admit it. I lost my creative spirit, my belief that life would be much better, and my determination/will to care for myself.

As we crossed into New Year's Day 12 months ago, I was struggling to live joyfully. And then April came, and my mother suddenly died. And then July came and my dad died as well. I was pressing on with goals and taking care of necessary business and underneath I was highly str essed, easily irritated, frequently tearful and overall, heartbroken. And I'd gained weight. And I hurt - all the time. All the way down my spine, hips, and worst of all my knees. Somewhere along the way, I felt forced to begin using a cane. I gripped countertops as I tried to support myself. I spent more time in a chair than not. It wasn't pretty. And it wasn't a recipe for feeling better.

But today, this day, this very day, I realized - I don't hurt anywhere. At all. Here's what I believe happened. I embarked on focused self care. I decided  to do everything I could to get better. I reclaimed my life!
1) I changed health care providers.
2) I took advantage of a great physical therapy opportunity. It wasn't convenient, in fact, it was quite inconvenient -  but it was vital that I get the best help I could.
3) I changed my work goals - let go of some things that weren't serving me well.
4) I stepped out of a couple of volunteer roles.
5) I started, one little project at a time, taking control of my environment.
6) I set some limits for my family.
7) I poured my heart out in my journal.
8) I spent the money and took a trip to study something that was important to me.
9) I stopped trying to impress everyone with my great accomplishments and decided to just be me. Period.
10) I utilized a coach to help me through some rough patches.
........ but in spite of all of this, I was still in pain (physically and emotionally).  I was still quite agitated. I was still grieving. I was still confused. THEN
11) I embarked on a very clean eating, anti inflammatory regimen and started working with a health practitioner. I have said numerous times that if you hurt bad enough, you'll make changes. I was there. I accept the limits because I am ready to be free, prayerful it will help the pain.
12) At the same time, I made some changes in my work and accepted ME, just like I am.
13) I detoxed  - physically and emotionally. And I cried a good bit! It was rough for a little while.
14) I started teaching a class on personal growth and another on joy and I benefited as I put my teaching into practice.

This is self care. I made room to care for myself and today, I realize, it gave me room to love everyone else more. For the first time in I don't know how long, I feel creative again. I have genuine energy. I went for a pain-free walk! My brain is clear. It's a remarkable difference. I don't know how long I lived in the fog, I only know I am out and it feels amazing.

I have one main goal this year, one focus: to adjust my life in such a way that I prioritize my spiritual, mental and physical health. When it comes to your life, I ask, "Who is taking care of you?". No one can do it but you. You need to look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worth it. And you are.