Intimately Acquainted

I made a decision not long ago – well, about a month ago – without my journal in hand, I can’t give you the exact date – about a month ago, I found myself dumbfounded with awe as I read through Psalm 139. Who knows how many times I’ve read that Psalm. I have read the Book of Psalms over and over through the years. I’ve often used a plan of sorts that I heard Billy Graham share a few years ago. Read 5 Psalms a day: the one that is today’s date and 4 more adding 30 to the original one you read.  So, it goes like this. If today is the 27^th, I’d read the 27^th Psalm, 57^th, 87^th, 117^th and 147^th. Using this system, one would make it through all the psalms in a month. In addition, he recommended reading the chapter of Proverbs that corresponds with today’s date, so that would be Proverbs 27. Seeing as there are 31 chapters in Proverbs, you’d get in all of them in a 31-day month. Isn’t that a neat system? I implemented it for years and may come back to it again.

I find that it helps to have a system or plan of some sort when it comes to Bible reading. Just picking up and reading randomly is so … random. That would be like picking up a novel and starting anywhere. It would make no sense. The Bible isn’t chronologically assembled, but the books give context and history and flow. Many of the new testament books are actually letters written to congregations, so they make the most sense read beginning to end. Just a thought for you.

At any rate, I’ve read Psalm 139 a few times to say the least.  I’ve also heard a couple of verses quoted frequently as an argument to the value of life in the womb. I buy into that, but that’s not really what the Psalm is about. The Psalm speaks to God’s detailed awareness of us, how well He knows us and of how is with us all the time. It’s beautiful!

About a month ago, as I was saying, I was deeply moved reading Psalm 139. I could feel the emotion, the intensity, the wonder of it. I was moved to memorize it. I felt I would be well-served to have this in my heart, accessible at all times. I haven’t finished but I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned thus far and though I may make mistakes, the gist of it is there, right there in my heart, in my soul.

Oh Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up. You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before and laid Your hand upon my path. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me.  It is too high, I cannot attain to it. 

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to the heavens, You are there. If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn or dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me and Your right hand will take hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me and the light around be will be dark,” even the darkness is not dark to You and the night is as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to You. 

For You have formed my inward parts and wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth. Your eyes have seen my unformed substance and in Your book were all written the days ordained for me when there was yet not one of them.

This is as far as my memorization goes. 3 weeks of work. 3 weeks of meditating on this lovely, intimate work. 3 weeks of feeling these truths in the depths of my soul. There is no room for bragging here. No desire to shame in any way. There’s just a woman who wants to grow. And so I am.

How Needy are You? (And why it doesn't serve anyone)

How needy are you? How much is your sense of self-worth, success, or personal value tied to the opinions of others: husband/wife, boss, cool group of peers, your mom, your dad? How much do you feel the need to succeed so you can feel worth something? Do you find yourself wishing for more but feel helpless to get it? Are you always striving but never arriving?

Ohhhhh, how I get it! I've lived it. I've lived lots of life trying to feel important: to me, to God, to others. I can hear you now, "Stephanie, I don't do that. Sorry for you, though, sister.". Are you sure? I mean it.I know I'm poking you and I know it feels crummy, but if I let this go, I don't serve you.

It's possible that you, like me not so long ago, are walking around with a big cup decorated with dreams and hopes and desires that you want to share, impart and impact with but your cup has nothing in it. The desires and dreams are real, but your cup of self-worth only has a dribble in it.  Sister, you need a full cup to have enough to share.

You've read and agreed with the thought, "You can't pour from an empty cup.". Well,  then what? And, though we intellectually agree with the notion (the truth), we keep trying anyway. We just shake the cup harder. "POUR! POUR! BLESS THE PEOPLE! MAKE ME SUCCESSFUL!". OK, maybe I'm being too hard, maybe it's not you, maybe it's just me. But, since you're still  here reading, I'll continue my message. . .

Secret message: Everyone you're trying to bless with water (or coffee), all the thirsty people, can see that your cup is empty. 

Here's the kicker. Not only can they tell your cup is empty, they know you're the one who needs water. They feel obligated to try and fill your cup. But remember, the people you're trying to serve need water too. How then can they fill your cup? They see you're desperate, but they know their own cup is empty or at least low, so they run. They hide. They move away from you, not because they don't care or don't want to help you, but because they do and they know they cannot give you what you need.

Another thought comes to mind --- if you don't even know your cup is empty, will you even be able to or open to receiving the gift of water when it comes to you? Or will you waste it?

I've been reading a book that's been on my list for years: Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of  Highly Effective  People.  He puts into words the truth I seek to share here. Read it. For real. Dependent people cannot shortcut their way to independence or interdependence. The only way for dependent people (needy is my word) to truly become independent and aspire to interdependence is to take care of their own needs. (Totally paraphrased some high thought here.)

You can't pour from an empty cup. You have to fill your own cup first if you want to give to others. 

Secret message: When you care for yourself and learn to manage yourself by filling your own cup, you then have enough to share. The best part? Others see it. They know. Very thirsty people will come to you and it's ok because you have plenty to share. Your cup runneth over! Not only that, others with full cups will share what's in their cup with you! It's true! 

Nothing is more attractive than a person whose cup is full and overflowing. Everyone wants in on that! People are searching for that!

Dear friend, fill  your cup. Fill  that cup with lots of  Jesus. Fill  that cup with love for yourself. Fill that cup with nurturing self-care. You do it. Stop looking to everyone else to do it. They're trying to fill their own cups. 

How do  you fill your cup? You must make time. You must be intentional. And it must be regular and daily. You do the inner work. Covey teaches 3 habits that move you from dependence to independence: 1) Be proactive. 2) Start with the end in mind. 3) Put first things first.

In first aid we're taught to take care of our safety first. The same holds true in life. If all you do is care for others and you never care for yourself, you're gonna be offering others a cup full of nothing. How much better to fill your own cup so you have something to share!

They're children

CASA  volunteer
(Court Appointed Special  Advocate)

I don’t read the news as a general rule. My husband, on the other hand, reads numerous publications daily. I appreciate that he not only reads those who agree with his viewpoint, but also those who don’t. In most cases, he has a reasonable awareness of both sides of any political argument and is well-informed on current events. He loves it. I don’t. I also don’t watch the news and in fact, rarely watch regular t.v. I gave up 24 hour news a few years ago, probably during a presidential campaign. I found that the angry, vicious attacks from all sides did not serve me well. I realized most people on the broadcasts didn’t care so much about truth as they did power – staying in or getting more. Sometimes, like now, I’m sorry that I don’t know the facts or even the true argument.

I know that there are children in cages. And I know that people are upset. The images are hard. Pondering the fear of those children is even harder. As I mindlessly scrolled Facebook this morning, I found people of all political leanings outraged. And there’s tons of blaming. Tons. And it’s being hurled in every direction. On top of that, Scripture is being used like a weapon more than as wisdom.

In the middle of this, a woman I know posted about the plight of foster children. She spoke to the reality of what’s happening all the time, daily, in our local communities and we, the outraged, are turning our heads. A pastor posted about the lack of outrage when it comes to abortion. You can imagine how the comment thread went. My daughter posed the question, “What can we, the church, do right now to make a difference to these children?”. (paraphrased) That’s something to ponder.

I’m sitting here among my flood of thoughts, my guilt, and my indignation. I’m convinced both sides, and I’m sure there are more than 2 sides, are guilty of turning the glaring light of shame onto their counterparts while they lurk in shadows trying to appear innocent.

Meanwhile, in Georgia alone, there are over 11,000 innocent children in foster care. In my adjacent county, there are between 400 and 500 on any given day and less than 100 foster beds available in that same county. The children are housed in hotels downtown and often moved to other counties where beds can be found. These children grow up with stigma related to being foster children. Take note: they are in foster care because their parents could not, did not care for them adequately and safely. Sometimes (very often) it’s because of drugs. Other times, filth and neglect. It may be because of an unsafe home environment. Physical and sexual abuse are reasons. Domestic violence that endangers the children is a cause. Extreme poverty may play a part. Often times, because no family member steps forward or is able, victimized children are treated as if they are the problem. It’s heartbreaking. They are moved from home to home with their belongings in a paper bag or small suitcase or box. Frequently, they have to leave behind new toys or clothes or comfortable rooms to move when foster family situations aren’t working well, or the fosters change their minds or decide it’s too hard or even become too attached.

Some CASA volunteers -  Columbus, GA

In the blink of an eye, a child’s world can suddenly turn upside down. They don’t know what’s happening. They don’t understand. All they know is that they’re pulled out of all they’ve known and cast into a new and scary to them environment. Unfamiliar faces, foods, routines, schools. Pets are left behind. Favorite toys (and people) are gone. And sometimes, they never see them again. Parental rights may be terminated. The children may not have seen them in months or then again, they may be allowed weekly visitations and then suddenly it’s all over. What happens then? Their faces are added to adoption websites, calls are made to family members, and children are left to figure out what it even means.

I know why we don’t look at it. It’s ugly. It disturbs us. It makes us fear we may have to do something. I know. I struggle with it, too.

10 Words for Living

Honesty

Integrity

Loyalty

Kindness

Joy

Humility

Love

Perspective

Sow

Reap

I'm a Little Mad at Me

Soul. Mind. Heart. Head. There’s an argument going on inside of me this morning. I mean, when it all comes down to it, it may not be that big of a deal. I’m just wrestling with some things and I feel like it’s worth sharing. Maybe there’s something we can all learn from it. Goodness knows, I’m flawed and vulnerable, just like you.

The back story: I decided several months ago to give up on my right to indulge myself. Truth be told, I wasn’t actually indulging myself so much as trying to soothe myself and hide in a protective blanket of fat. You can deal with my assessment however you will; I’m just being honest here. The why’s aren’t really the important part. It’s just that I did. Through all kinds of personal growth, I relinquished my need for the extra weight and the comfort (false comfort) of food. I started making changes. In a very empowered way, I adopted an eating plan that has brought my body so much healing and reduced so much pain. Hooray all around!

Meanwhile: I still have work to do. That’s the long and short of it. There are still old habits and urges to reckon with. I have some former go-to behaviors that, when triggered, can surface – though truly that hardly ever happens anymore -  I have new ways to deal with triggers. And sometimes, I just want to eat the rich food. Sometimes, I miss it.

I’m sharing from my heart based on all that I understand as I write this. I want to be as honest with you as I can be, while bringing any wisdom I may have, any insight, that may be of help to you. As I process, new insight will come which is another reason to hash it out.

There’s a conflict going on: Here’s the thing. Sometimes, my body (and “old me”) wants to just go for it and revel for a minute or two in my old destructive behavior. I don’t want to stay there. I know it doesn’t serve me. (Said the alcoholic mindset, I presume.) My soul loves the new way. Absolutely. And actually, my body does, too. So maybe it’s my mind that wants to do the old thing….

I don’t believe in “good” food and “bad” food. I am way more concerned with the why of eating and the impact of choices than the actual what. I believe that as you work on your inner man and heal old wounds, you improve and move more and more away from destructive behavior. I’m not an academic expert or psychologist, by the way. I am a life coach and introspective person sharing my personal journey.

Catching a glimpse of the changes

Today’s fight or conflict or issue, label it what you will: Last night my husband and I went out to dinner. We went to a favorite place known for delicious food. A little more back story is that I was feeling a little deprived, having some cravings … trying to decide whether it was better to just have some of what I wanted or resist. Trying to just resist doesn’t really work btw. It keeps you focused on the object. I'm still learning new skills in this area. I made the choice I wanted and used some wisdom around it: a fish dinner, sauce on the side, side salad with lemons no dressing, green beans (aware there would be added fat). I wasn’t looking to go off and have “whatever I wanted”. I was respecting my body and honoring it with healthy choices, and honoring some genuine desires. I missed the “blackened” part of the fish description which entails a good bit of butter as far as I know. When the meal came and I realized that fact, I began to notice a sense of the battle inside revving up. Mind vs Soul and body in there somewhere. Mind: This is fine food. You don’t have to feel bad about this. One meal won’t hurt you. Soul: But, we’ve been working hard. We’ve just reached a new goal you said was important. We should’ve just gotten a steak. Body: We eat like that all the time. Today, at this restaurant, can we just enjoy the meal? Soul: Truly, the food is fine. If this is what you want, it’s absolutely o.k. I just think you might be sorry.

This is how the mind of one who struggles talks. Is it just me? No, I know it isn’t. We all have wrestlings like this of one kind or another. Maybe your inner struggle has nothing to do with food. Mine does.

This morning, I’m a little sorry and a little not. The truth is, the meal was absolutely wonderful. The truth is also that I slightly regret my choices. There was a point where I went from “Oh, it’s blackened” to “Give me the chocolate peanut butter pie”. Just. Like. That. And it’s o.k. One meal will not set me back, that’s true. I’m more concerned about ignoring what I believe my soul, my inner self, was trying to say. I’m more concerned that I ate the pie I wanted at the moment and then brought the rest home to finish “while I was already off plan”, when I was genuinely full.

Sometimes I plan to go off-plan. I know when. I know why. And it doesn’t bother me one iota. This was more the behavior of my old victim. That’s what’s bothering me. Why? Why did it show up? I suspect it’s because I spent all day researching and studying our relationship with food and I’m still vulnerable. I served a lot of other people yesterday and (possibly) didn’t care attentively for myself. (Though I thoroughly enjoyed my day.)

This morning, I took my coffee outside and sat by the lake and simply took it all in. The beauty. The nature. The God-ness of it all. I checked in with my soul. I listened to all the arguing. I meditated on the goodness of God and Psalm 139. And now? After writing all of this? I sense a great calm and peace. I chose the food. I enjoyed a delightful meal with my husband. I feel satisfied. It was a nice treat – which is the way to treat decadent foods. My daughter taught me that. It’s o.k. to have anything you want – now and then. Just because it’s good. And you don’t have to feel bad. Food is not your enemy – or mine. I think, now, that all the bad feelings are the resurfacing of old habits. I’ve been programmed to feel bad after an indulgent meal and blame on myself. These arguments are the old way coming up. So interesting. I’m reframing right now. Taking away that sting of my judging voice and replacing it with kindness and an appreciation for the evening with my husband. So. Very. Interesting.

 

Have You Ever?

Have you ever sat still long enough to catch the hand of God at work?

Have you ever seen the shadow of the Earth?

Have you ever seen the way of turtles bobbing up and down in the water, coming up for air?

Have you ever seen an eagle plunge into the depths, capture his prey and shake the water from his wings?

Have you ever noticed how low the heron flies as he moves from one fishing spot to another?

Have you ever been still long enough to see the blackbirds catch a  minnow and feast from the spider’s web?

Have you ever listened to the tree frog’s song?

The lilt of the chuck’s poor widow?

The high call of an eagle?

The screech of a hawk?

Photo Credit: Taylor Redmond

The hoo-hoo-hoooooo of the great horned owl?

How long will you live and not learn?

Look and not see?

Hear and not listen?

When will you cease striving and enjoy just being?

O, yearning soul, there’s more to know and room to grow.

Best Sunset Ever. Honolulu after a great sail! 

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be just you and then be free?

© 2018 Stephanie Redmond

Going for the Goals

I'll admit it. I probably look a lot more proactive than I actually am. I mean, I can procrastinate with the best of them. I can plaster on a fake smile, report on only the good things, show pictures of sunsets and never talk about the storms, the sadness, the anxiety. And man, can I waste some time! One little dip into Facebook "just to check notifications" and next thing I know, I'm just scrolling away, watching silly videos and just like that an hour is gone. Gone! Never to be regained.

Borrowed from the internet.

I'm sure many of you are way ahead of me in the area of personal accountability and self-growth. I came to the table a little late. But you know, that really doesn't even matter. What matters is that I have decided to get in on the action and take responsibility for my personal development and growth. I'm taking Stephen Covey's 1st of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People  seriously. I'm being proactive. That's the #1 habit of highly effective people and key to personal victory. I've been developing in this area, somewhat unintentionally, for a couple of years, but lately, it seems to be gaining a foothold. Here's a tip: the more intentional you are (proactive), the more results you'll get. You don't grow and realize your potential accidentally. 

Having said that, I am realizing some accidental growth of a type. What I mean is that I did not  decide to read Covey's  book on my own. It was assigned to me as part of a college class. But, and hear me here, one can read all the self help books in the world and not get the help the books are designed to give. What's the difference? Why do some get help and some don't? I believe it's wrapped up in the concept at hand: proactive behavior. I have chosen to take this book to heart and implement what I am learning. Hello, proactive choice!

I'm so determined to be the best I can be and live out what I teach that I have (of my own volition) acquired an accountability partner. Here's what we do: each week each of us establishes a list of goals and commitments for the week. We check in with each other 3 days a week and report on our progress. Neither is grading or judging the other or trying to motivate the other into action. We are simply checking in and reporting our progress. If we choose to, we can establish rewards and consequences (Note: if you decide to be consequence based in your own approach, I recommend having a goal that doesn't require perfection. That's not usually very effective anyway. You might say you have a goal to do something 5 days a week, but your consequence is based on allowing a day to be missed. Your reward might be based on 4/5 days (small reward) - all 5 days (better reward)) At any rate, we each decide what's most effective for us.

I also avail myself to life coaching. I speak to my coach once a week and go through what's happening in my life and where I'm experiencing frustration. She can hear things that I'm not picking up on. She asks me questions that help me examine what I said. She suggests exercises that help me see things I'm missing. It helps keep me sharp and alert. It flushes out my brain clogs and helps keep me moving forward, making progress. As a result, it helps me be a better life coach to others. My clients deserve the best form of me I can be.

Setting up goals for the week and designing a plan to reach them, along with incentives and accountability can be a great path to personal growth and is, you guessed it, highly proactive. I don't know anyone who actually desires to be less than their best, however,  most of us are leaving our growth up to chance. How can we expect excellent results from mediocre effort? I'm working on this, too. I'm growing. The thing is, I'm not leaving my personal growth up to chance. I'm being intentional, proactive.  After all, this is my life we're talking about. I believe that people who are living miserably or having a mediocre life experience are not choosing to be proactive. The reason they're not being proactive may lie in the belief that "this is as good as it gets". Well, I have one question: Who says so? I mean, who is in charge of your life? Are you going to leave your happiness and success up to the four winds? You and you, alone get to choose the path you take in life. While things will continue to happen all around you, things you can't control, you get to decide how you're going to react. You always have the choice to see things differently, to take your life back through proactive behavior.

Healthy food choice

So, are you going to get serious about your goals? Are you willing to hold yourself accountable by reporting in to someone else? Are you willing to explore being more proactive about your life? If you could have more joy, would you want to?

Tips for More Proactive Living
1 - Hire a Life Coach.
2 - Get an accountability partner.
3 - Be intentional with your time and personal growth.
4 - Make time for what's truly important. Put it on your calendar.
5 - Set weekly goals, rewards, and consequences.
6 - Resist perfectionism.
7 - Nurture yourself through good nutrition and self care.
8 - Set alarms in your phone as reminders to stay on track with goals.
9 - Control your calendar instead of letting it control you.
10 - Take control of your growth through what you read, listen to, spend time on. 

Darkness and Light are the Same to God

Many years ago, when I was about 19 years old, I had the opportunity to sing a song based on Psalm 139. That was my first exposure to it, at least the first one that made an impression on me. Because I performed it, I’ve had bits and pieces of it memorized for nearly 40 years (or at least the gist of it). Through 4 decades (!), I’ve appreciated and found comfort in the words as they came to mind, always with the tune. “Oh, Lord You know me” goes the song … “You know my thoughts. You light the path along my way.”

Fast forward through the life that has passed since I first learned that song. I’ve had the ups and downs one can expect from life. I’ve faced hardships and blessings. Felt need and lived abundantly. Some of those years were filled with light and joy and others were dark and painful. In that time, I’ve made 12 major moves from one state to another including a move to Hawaii and a move to Germany. (Those last 2 were certainly highlights.) In those years, I gave birth to 3 children, sent them to school, brought them home and homeschooled them, made friends, lost friends, and had several surgeries, 3 of which brought my children into the world. I watched my husband go through career highs and lows. I’ve lived a lot of life in those years and through it all, have found great comfort that God has been there with me.

About 2 weeks ago, I opened my Bible to Psalm 139 and began to read. It was fresh to me as if I was hearing it for the first time and it resonated deeply as I listened to the words in my mind. One of the passages says that “Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.” (Ps 139:12, NASB) I have pondered and pondered those words. I don’t know if they’re intended to be literal or figurative and I haven’t studied them. I’ve simply meditated on them. “Darkness and light are alike to You.” My awareness is that as we go through our lives, we assess things and judge them as good or bad. Darkness is bad, light is good. But, what if they’re all good? What if to God they’re all the same? We know His ways are not our ways. I’ve been thinking that all the events in our lives are actually part of one story that God uses to show us Himself. It’s all the same to Him. Darkness and Light. Good and Bad. Blessing and Curse. Maybe it’s just all part of one road that He uses to teach us, to lead us, to help us (or force us) to lean on Him. Romans 8:28 says that “All things work together to Him that loves the Lord and is called according to His purpose.” All things – darkness and light.

I reread that Psalm every day for a week, meditating on it and decided to begin memorizing it. These are words I want in my heart.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up. You understand my thoughts from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down. You are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before and laid Your had upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful to me. It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Psalm 139:1-6

Do I Manage My Time or Myself?

I’m not a natural calendar-loving kind of gal. In fact, I spent many of my adult years resisting all things calendar. I mean, I admired those who had beautiful, color-coded calendar. The ones who always mailed out birthday cards on time and in time. My friends who didn’t forget dental or hair appointments. I could see the value in running a good calendar, but I just wasn’t into it and didn’t put it on my important things to do list. Let’s be honest: I didn’t have an important things to do list – for a really, really long time. I pretty much woke up every day and apart from work, ambled through my day doing whatever pleased me at the moment. What a luxury, right?

It may sound like a luxury to be calendar free, but imagine missing appointments, forgetting planned outings with friends, double-booking yourself right and left. It creates disorder and stress. Chaos. Unnecessary chaos. And why? Because I was unwilling to discipline myself. That’s pretty much it.

Now the word “discipline” may have been the trigger to make you tune out. Don’t do it. Don’t be afraid of discipline. A measure of discipline could be your new best friend. And even you folks that have discipline down pat and live by your calendar may have a thing or two to learn here, so stay with me.

Along the way in life, after missing enough appointments, disappointing friends, disappointing myself, I finally began to manage my time and my calendar. What I mean is that I finally began to care enough about my commitments to put them on a calendar. That was a great start. In my direct sales business, I learned more about this, as well as leadership skills, and began to see the benefits of good time management. I’ve come a long way in a few years of making the effort. In this day of technology, I’ve become a bit of an addict to my phone calendar. It’s a marvelous tool and I embrace it. With some good mentoring along the way (thank you, Sean Smith), I’ve learned to set alarms in my phone for important things and not be victimized by my own poor memory.

As recently as last night, I set an alarm to “Get off social media” at 930 pm. I set the alarm after realizing it was 1045 pm and I was violating my own goal to be social media free after 930 pm. Out of integrity to myself, I texted my accountability partner, identified the lesson and made a plan.

In my role as a college student, I’m reading Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and am trying out a new-to-me concept of calendar management. Covey teaches that instead of focusing on time management, we can benefit from personal management, a practice of examining our roles in any given week and the goals associated with those roles then plugging them into our calendar. The main idea here is what I’ll call learning to tell my time where to go as opposed to being a victim of the clock (or calendar). I control my use of time -  and only have myself to blame if I don’t have time for life’s most important things.

In practice, while the teaching is to do this for the week – and I will, I decided to try it out for today. Instead of starting with the calendar, I began with my roles to fill today:

Wife, college student, business woman, fun woman, healthy woman (Yes, I put those on my list. Why? Because they are very important to me and if I don’t put them on the list, I will end up tending to the urgent and ignoring the important.), home manager, volunteer, etc. I have a lot of roles to fill today!

Beside each of these roles I listed what I sought to do, my goals for the day in each area. My next step was to plug them into the time I have today. It was so clear. I could look at what was most important and most urgent. Some urgent things are important, like my assignments that are due tonight, so they take priority. Some things are on the calendar already, so they have to stay. Because I aspire to be my healthiest version, I made sure I put a walk on my actual calendar. I booked it, as my accountability partner in coaching says. And so, it will be done. In fact, my walk is scheduled for 11 minutes from now, so I will wrap this up. Blogging made the cut today and it’s a good thing it was on my list or else my busy day would’ve eclipsed this personal commitment that’s important to me.

Last thought – are you managing time or are you managing yourself? It’s a valid question. 

When Death Seems Best

Today my heart is full of sadness for a woman I never knew. A woman who was only 55 years old. A woman who began what became a multi-million dollar company in her New York apartment making handbags out of burlap. A woman who was married and had a 13 year old daughter. And today she ended her life. 

What kind of mental hell must someone who has seemingly everything be in to make that choice? I don't know her. I don't judge her. I hurt for her. I hurt for those who actually knew and loved her. I hurt for others out there who believe they have no choice left.

I live my life on a mission to help women find greater joy. I want to tell all who will listen about a Savior who loves them so very much. I yearn for people to know their true value and their worth. And there's a secret - your value has nothing to do with position or bank account or looks or marathons or perfect homes or education or true love. You are valuable because you are you. It's the who you are not the what you are.

To the souls reading this who are faced with so much pain, such deep depression, such a deep belief that things will not or cannot get better that they want to end their lives, I want to give you a message. I pray it will offer hope. You are good enough just like you are. Jesus loves you no matter what you've done or haven't done. There are people who want to help you and are trained to help you. Call them. I pray that you will find comfort for your weary soul and live to see joy and hope restored.

NATIONAL SUICIDE LIFELINE: 1-800-273-8255

Are You Living Authentically?

I feel like I’m stepping right into something that I’m sure I’ll do poorly. And it doesn’t feel good. I like to perform well. I like to impress people. Yes, I’m just that shallow. And yet, as my joke goes, I know I’m not actually shallow because shallow people don’t know they’re shallow. I’m more like shallow-ish. And that need for approval has landed me in some deep kimshi in the past.

The topic at hand is authentic living – living authentically. What the heck does that mean and why does it matter anyway? I’m just gonna jump right on out there and suggest that if you have a need for constant approval, external praise, rewards for doing what you do – you might be living inauthentically. And trust me when I tell you I don’t think less of you for it. The person I see doing it is in the mirror. I really don’t have time to judge you, so you can let go of that worry right now.

This morning I pondered what it means to live authentically, and as I did I thought about things we might do that are inauthentic. Or shall I say, things I do or have done that are inauthentic. Some things that came to mind:

• Claim to be a Christian and yet not live according to Christ’s teachings consistently 
• Value health and wellness yet neglect my own
• Complain about not having enough time and yet waste so much of it – not even enjoying what I’m doing
• Desire a life of deep meaning and value yet clamor after temporal, superficial things

Celebrating 57 years!

Many of us get caught in a cycle of using our time, energy and money to accrue accolades and material things to impress others and/or puff up ourselves and give the impression that we’re something we’re not. Why? Because it impresses others and puffs us up – makes us feel like something. Yet, I bet if I asked you if you deep down really cared about those things and those accolades, you’d say no. If I asked you what you cared most deeply about, you’d probably say something like: family, faith, health, meaningful relationships, serving others. Dear friend, if you’re not making time for those things and are endlessly pursuing position, power and pleasing others, you are living inauthentically. And the heck of it is, it makes acquiring those things even harder. Worse yet, you’ll still feel empty when it’s all done.

Check in with your heart and soul. When you let people see the real you – the naked you, the no pretense you, you somehow quit caring as much what they think of you. It may take a while to free yourself from the chains of society’s conditioning and expectations so don’t let that fool you., but your internal satisfaction level will begin to climb. You will have greater peace when you are true to yourself.

I don’t know exactly how all of this plays out in real life -what it might look like for you. You may have to change careers, give up some financial or social status. You will certainly have to drop some of your masks – quit attending things you really don’t care about, stop hanging out with certain people, even dress differently. It can be scary to reveal your heart to others. Trust me.

One of my quirky things is I’ve started embracing my gray hair. Don’t get nervous. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I want to. I want to love my hair the way it actually is. I’ve been covering my gray since I was 27 years old.I also used my hair color to make me feel "good" when I was unhappy with my size. You might feel the need to start coloring your hair and go bold. That’s up to you!

Another thing I’ve done that’s more authentically me is drop the need for excess weight. I’ve decided I don’t want to hide my healthy self anymore. I don’t need that barrier.

I’ve gone back to college after 35 years. I was pretending that I didn’t have the education I needed to do the things I wanted to do. I’m changing that. I was created to do things that I’ve been resisting.

Your brand of authentic will look different from mine and that’s o.k. In fact, it’s perfect. As the saying goes these days, “You do you.”. At least then you’ll attract people who love you for you.

Copyright 2018, Stephanie Redmond