I Feel the Stress of it All

I don't know about you, but for me, today I'm feeling the stress of it all. I'm feeling the mental exhaustion of the COVID-19 pandemic. I'm feeling the strain of trying to maintain my professional and personal responsibilities. Heck, I feel the peculiar feeling of realizing it's June 1st already and I came home from work March 17th - and where did all that time go?! The Stay Home orders we've been under have robbed us of our usual markings of time. Monday to Friday passes in a flash with little to tell one day from the next. But, while it may contribute to what I feel, it's not the actual reason for the stress . . .

Our country is in a dire situation and something must be done. And I don't know what. Now, I'm feeling the weight of something I've only just begun to wrap my head around. My sisters and brothers of color have carried this weight - well, maybe forever. So, while I'm feeling it and you, white/non-black friend, may be feeling it, let's be clear, we have no idea. Not really.

Last Monday, George Floyd was murdered in an arrest. I don't have any clue if this was racially motivated or not, so please do not even go there. I know that to the people of color I'm hearing from, it feels like it all the same. I'm probably completely naive in even hinting that it could be anything other than race, I'll just own that. Either way, a black man was killed by a white policeman who gave no heed to the man's cry for mercy, for help, for his mama. The murder (and seemingly slow arrest of the officer) has led to protests and riots across the USA. I've seen reports of historic landmarks and churches burned down, both black and white business owners crying over the destruction of their businesses, torched police cars, abused animals, both black and white people terrified by what's happening in their communities, both black and white (and other ethnic groups) working together to clean up from the rampages. I've done my best to listen as objectively as this middle-aged comfortable white woman can to the cries of the oppressed and fearful. And I've begun to raise my voice. To speak to my "audience" for the need for those of us in the white community to say "It's not okay" and to come alongside our sisters and brothers with different skin tones and to stop judging everything. We're not the judge! We cannot understand.

Is everything that's happening right or good or the best way to create change? No. Of course not. But what are fed up people to do? It's a funny thing and I see it all. the. time. We expect people who are beaten down to be strong and make decisions from a place of strength. It's like when a person with mental illness is criticized for not tending to their mental health ... like a mentally healthy person would. What? That's not how it works. People who are tired and frustrated and feel oppressed and not heard will more than likely act like people who feel that way. And can we just refer back to paragraph 1 where  I discussed COVID-19? At this time, many haven't been with their normal support groups (family, friends, etc), may be out of work and at their breaking point. This is all TRAUMA. I'm not excusing anything but I am saying that so much of what we see is trauma-based. We have to develop some empathy around that.

Nonetheless, I'm feeling the stress. I feel tired. I want to go back to happy-go-lucky days. I don't want to watch the news. I don't want to feel the push and pull  of all of the arguments and "yeah, buts". I want to see the non-black community speak up against the killing without any "buts". I want to see Christian love on full display without qualifications. I want my black/brown friends to know that I love them even if I've been slow to understand these undercurrents. I want them to feel that from you, too.

I've never had to feel the fear of not having my child come home because of their skin color. I've never had to tell my children not to wear certain clothing because they might be mistaken as a criminal and shot "accidentally", I didn't have to train my children how to act were they ever pulled over or how to make a police officer (or anyone else) feel safe in their presence. To my knowledge, I've never been followed around a store to make sure I don't shoplift (though carrying a large purse does make me uncomfortable).

Dear white community, many of your well-educated, salary earning, successful friends feel scared and threatened just because of their skin color. That absolutely breaks my heart. I am committed to feeling this with them by having these less than rosy conversations. I'm willing to feel the stress and be uncomfortable with the strife around me in order to try, in my very small way, to bear some of the pain with my friends who look different than me. This is not an attempt to get you to look at me and applaud me (for what?!). It's an attempt to get you to stand with me as a white against racism and help hold up our friends during a really tough time. Let's see if we can learn something. Let's see if we can help make a difference. It's not really fair to ask the oppressed to free themselves. We have to do it. In love. In peace. In the name of Jesus.  Let's link arms and help "clean up".

It's Not Okay - a poem about hate

It’s Not Okay                                                     

By Stephanie Redmond copyright May 7, 2020

It’s not okay to hate

One another

Or each other

Because of skin

Or creed

It’s not okay to teach hate

Or spew hate

Or belittle others

Because they’re different from you

Or me

Or we

It’s not okay to be silent

And look away

Pretend not to see

Because it’s not me

Or mine

And act like it can’t be

Just because

It isn’t pretty

We are called to love

As God has loved us

Because He has loved us

It’s how we show the world

The love He has for us

ALL

We are all made in the image of God

Who loves us

And died for us

And commands us

To love

Our neighbor

As ourselves

Anything less is not okay

Pandemic Leadership

I've invented a new term - a new niche, if you will - for life coaching. The niche is called Pandemic Leadership. I'm pretty sure I'll make a fortune. Then again, maybe not, because it's  possible that the ones who are in need don't know it.

Some things to consider:

1. Are you responsible for a group, a team, an office? Are you a supervisor, executive, manager? 
2. As such, do people rely on you to lead, guide and direct their work, performance, or production?
3. Is your normal leadership style distinctly hands-off or very involved? (It may be more in the middle but how does it look to your team?_
4. Are you engaging with your team regularly?
5. Are you feeling uncertain as to what to do?
6. Are you feeling anxious yourself working from home and possibly with children/spouses there?
7. Are you worried about funding, the future, your job, your team members' jobs?
8. Are your supervisors communicating with you? 
9. Do you feel reluctant to engage lest you make a promise you can't keep or because you don't have a clue what to say?

Any of these could be reason enough to examine where you fall in the realm of Pandemic Leadership. 

Let me quickly reassure you that up until now you've done what you know to do. Whatever you (or others) may sense is lacking, you've done what you know to do and that's been the best you had to offer at the time. Just because someone else might have "done it better" or thinks you could have, doesn't mean you didn't give your best. The question is: can you/should you do more and if so, what?

Pandemic by definition means prevalent over a whole country or world. That's a lot to ponder. And it's a heavy weight for your team, too. You may not be able to affect the whole world but you can impact your team and that can have a ripple effect that can positively impact your organization and the people in it. If you can improve your small corner of the world, shouldn't you? Odds are your team needs you and is looking to you to show them the way through this uncharted territory.

Here are some very simple things that you can do to get started. 

• Put people over profits. People are your most valuable asset - and they can tell when you're thinking of them or when you're more worried about the bottom line (or yourself). Whether it's your team or your customers, it's incredibly valuable to put your energy into the people and what they need. Most need reassurance that you simply care. 
• Communicate in a meaningful way. In other words, show you care. Consider what speaks to them most. Is it time, or words of affirmation, a gift of some sort? A simple thank you card can hit many of these. Even a personal text can mean a lot. Broad messages of support, encouragement and the organizations ability to move through the pandemic to greener pastures are also essential. People need to be reassured!
• Communicate regularly. And I don't mean to check up on their work. Send out team emails - daily. Find things to share with them that are encouraging. They need to hear from you even if it seems silly. Set up individual calls and encourage supervisors under you to do the same. Have team meetings weekly, even if all you do is just hang out. This is the new way to open your office door. Your people need to see and hear you. 
• Be transparent. I cannot stress this more. Yes, I can. BE TRANSPARENT !!! There. It is not a weak posture to admit that you feel uncertain or that you're learning how to manage the work, team, customers in this new situation. When you let your team know that you aren't working a perfect 9-5 day and that you've had to make adjustments to your workday, you give them permission to do the same. When you are willing to hold telemeetings with kids running around, they won't worry so much about their spouse walking through the room (just make sure they've got their pants on). 
• Be involved (but don't micromanage). Not sure there's much more to say. You've got to free your team to work on their own, but you still need to be involved. I encourage checking in now and again, see if they are clear on what they can be doing, free them from unnecessary tasks, respond to their emails and texts. 
• Reduce your expectations. You have to understand that your employees/team are in an imperfect, new environment for work - and they probably have kids, animals and spouses to contend with as they attempt to work. Most likely, they are not sitting at a desk in a private office. They might be using their bed for their desk. Be okay with a different output than normal. It's expected. Allow them to work when it's best for them as long as they're reasonably available when needed and respond in a timely way.
• Listen for clues that your team needs help. Read between the lines. Are they quiet? Are they trying to clue you in to something? Are they using words like bored, lonely, tired? These can be indicators that you need to engage personally. Make a phone call. Set up a facetime coffee chat. 

The heart of this is really one thing and it goes back to the first thing. People over profits. That's not to say the profits don't matter. Of course they matter. But, taking care of the people will ultimately help you take care of the profits (or the program you're managing). You are your team's leader. You don't have to be the CEO to be the leader. You might be an executive or you might be a middle manager -  it doesn't matter. Your leaders may be dropping the ball, but you don't have to. During this pandemic, true leaders will rise to the occasion and make sure their team feels supported and cared for. This will take intention and may require more creativity than what you've done in the past. And when we all get "back to normal" or our new normal, your team will thank you and I believe your organization and leadership will be stronger than ever.

Reflections During a Pandemic

I don't know about you, but I've basically been home since March 17th (as I recall). That was the day our country/state/city began to recognize what was happening with COVID-19 - the coronavirus. It had really begun to be clear on the Friday before but it took our office a day or so to make the decision to limit office attendance.

And so, now it's Easter Weekend - April 11th. My emotions have darted all over the place. As the government imposed more and more restrictions, as death tolls began to climb, as more and more tested positive with the virus - including people I know - the nearer and nearer the danger seemed.

In the beginning, I joked that my health is strong and I'd like to sign up for an 11 day Mediterranean Cruise for $798. That was before - before it all seemed real, before we were talking about being carriers of the virus and infecting others unknowingly. We were simply sent home and charged with serving 1 day a week at the office to monitor phones and take care of things that aren't so easy to do at home as our files are confidential. We expected to be home about 2 weeks and then we'd "return to normal". Isn't that what we all thought?

We took a little family trip and gathered with others who had drastically limited their contact with others. We sprayed down every inch of our hotel room with fabric disinfectant and wiped every surface with disinfectant wipes. The hotel no longer offered daily housekeeping so no one else entered the room during one's stay. We avoided restaurants and stores along the way. When our granddaughter (and grandmom) needed to potty along the way, I wiped down all surfaces with disinfectant wipes and of course, we'd already been following proper handwashing procedures for a couple of weeks.

Then we were home, but not at "shelter in place" status. We gathered with one child's family at an ice cream shop and took our camp chairs which we set up in the green area in the parking lot. That was nice. I picked up my granddaughter who was learning to walk, but no snuggly kisses and lots of hand sanitizer (new norm).

Grocery shopping has been another whole thing. I've resisted buying large quantities of anything due to the limited availability of items and a desire to avoid hoarding. Great idea except it seems others are hoarding and they may have been right as now we're strongly encouraged not to go anywhere especially grocery stores. (Kind of wish I'd hoarded a little more.) Here's our recent grocery shopping method:

1. Limit frequency.
2. Sanitize hands before going in.
3. Carry sanitizing wipes and sanitize cart myself (no matter what the store is doing).
4. Don face mask.
5. Limit touching things. Don't be like the lady climbing all over the refrigerator to get the cream on the very top and back, no gloves, no mask, grabbing another cream (that she didn't want) to knock over the ones in the back with, presumably later expiration dates. Note: there were only 4 creams in the fridge anyway. (Pardon me while I roll my eyes and glare at you!)
6. Anticipate shutdowns, restocking delays and buy (a little) more.
7. Go to a tiny grocery  - they have everything in stock, even flour, yeast and frozen vegetables.
8. Wipe card reader with sanitizing wipe before use.
9. Take groceries to car myself.
10. Sanitize hands.
11. Remove mask.
12. Sanitize hands and steering wheel. 
13. Cry a little because who expected all this.
14. Unpack groceries - putting away just the cold stuff because you're too worn out from the stress of being around other people who don't seem to respect the advice of medical professionals. 
15. Maybe cry a little more.
16. Spend a little time in prayer and giving thanks for what you have.
17. Put on some lotion.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. And now, it's Easter weekend. I've suggested to the kids that we Zoom during our virtual worship service so that we can sing and pray together. The babies might be loud but that's okay. (Reminder to self: Have hubs hook Chromecast back up so you can watch on big screen vs laptop.) My Easter lunch will be for we two not my normal crowd. You may wonder why we're not making an exception since "we're all quarantined". First of all, we're not all quarantined. Not really, just mostly. One child is a police officer and is still reporting for duty - though his doesn't require much contact. His wife works for the court and still has to report a couple of days a week. My husband and I have still made the occasional grocery store trip. My husband still has to go to work some and even though everyone is social distancing, contamination risks are still possible. So, yes, we could probably safely gather. But should we? We've decided no.

As I've processed that decision, I've also been reminded of friends whose grandchildren are far away and they couldn't have gathered anyway. In fact, most of our military years, we weren't home for many holidays (and my kids grandparents had to get by - we can too). Also, if one got sick because I had to have my time with them, I don't know if I could stand it. 

I feel as though we have been very conscientious. We've greatly reduced our in person interaction with everyone. When I dropped off Easter goodie bags to my kids, we didn't go inside. We didn't pick up the grands. We stood back and talked for a couple of minutes then left. And, we sanitized our hands before and after. 

I realize it's totally imperfect. I also realize you may do things differently. Maybe you're more restrictive, maybe less. Maybe your family has really, truly isolated themselves and can gather knowing for sure you've not been around anyone. I don't feel that sure and so we're not. It's that simple. 

But here's the thing. No matter whether we're physically together or not, Jesus is alive and we will celebrate His resurrection. We will  worship in spirit and truth. We will look forward to the time when we can gather again and gather we will! 

My tears have come in short bursts and I've allowed them. I've also spent time reflecting on good things. Joyful things! True things! I've prayed and asked God for all kinds of help for those in need. And I've given thanks for our many, many blessings. And in that, just as promised in Philippians 4:6-8, I've found peace. Peace that surpasses my understanding. And don't forget what Jesus says about worrying (Matthew 6).