You Can't Win Them All ... or Can You?

You Can’t Win Them All … or CAN You?
Coaching By Stephanie, The Joy Coach

It’s a common saying: You can’t win them all. It’s assumed we’re all going to have some wins and all going to have some losses. We keep each other “grounded” in reality with this saying and help console one another when things don’t go our way, don’t we? Yeah, we do. We pat one another on the back and mark it up to uncontrollable and inevitable. Well, I’m not buying it. Not anymore.

Recently, we had to tell someone something (vague much?) that we knew wouldn’t go down well. We anticipated a negative response. We even prepared ourselves for it. The response we received was worse than we thought we’d get. It bruised our souls for sure. And you know, it was tempting to just say, “You can’t win them all.” But, I realized that’s not true at all. You can win them ALL! Here’s how.

Above all, you have to realize that sometimes “losing” is actually “winning”. I’m not talking some fake, pseudo pop psychology here. I’m dead serious. Losing can reveal things you would not know otherwise. Things about a person’s character. Things about a situation. Things that affirm your decisions. And you know what?  That’s a win, pal. A legit win.

Early days at "the cabin". 6 y.o. behind the boat.

Losing represents trying, caring enough to try – even if the result is not what you’re going for. We live on a lake. For years before making it our permanent residence, we vacationed here with our kids. Our kids grew up waterskiing. (Brag moment: my husband is a great water skier! So are my kids.) Sometimes, they would get out on the water and decide they wanted to get fancy and look like him. They’d try leaning back more, cutting sharper, making their turns quicker and closer together. And they might just wipe out – completely wipe out – the kind that makes a mother suck in air and yell, “Turn around! They’re down!”. We’d make the u-turn, pull up alongside with the skier on the driver’s side, confirm they were o.k., look for blood – maybe that was just me – and then my husband (Mr. Calm) would lean out the boat and say “If you’re not falling, you’re not trying hard enough. Let me know when you're ready.” And he'd position the boat for the next pull while they regained consciousness and put on their skis.  (And I’d shake my head and resume my seated position.)

My kids will all 3 tell you that life lesson has served them well. Falling or failing is not a sign of weakness or poor performance. It’s a sign of trying, of believing you can do something hard or new. “Failing” is winning! 1 kid is a cop, another is in aviation school with the Army and another is an entrepreneur. They aren’t afraid to fail as much as they are afraid to not try.

In every fail, every loss, there are lessons, messages, gifts if you will. My coach mentor calls them packages. There are gifts from God that, when opened, offer you things you would never have learned otherwise. He also says that the road to success is actually paved with failure and that you cannot resist failure and achieve success. Losing is winning. I’ve had to lose at things to even see what God was trying to teach me. In some of my losses, I’ve looked and realized the loss had to happen for God to answer the prayers I’d actually prayed. Some of my losses were intended to shift me on a new path of growth.

What if every time you missed a goal, had a “bad” run-in with someone, missed your flight, got caught in traffic and missed a deadline or appointment – what if every time you looked for a blessing or lesson? What if you learned to leave more time between events? What if you realized you could’ve chosen your words more carefully? What if you acknowledged the value of each loss? Wouldn’t that help you try again? It would, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it give you more confidence that God was still looking out for you and could use your “negative” experience in His ultimate plan? My friend and fellow life coach, Diane Burton, says, “Look for the lessons, the blessings, and the gifts in every situation”. They’re there.

                Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3)

Note: All the successes here came after many more failed attempts ... and so they're wins (and they mean more!). 

(To my kids, I tried to steal great waterskiing pics of you all, but FB let me down when I tried to save them. Love mom.)