Well, that didn't go as planned!

Not every morning is perfect and cozy with everything going just to plan. Some mornings I jump on Facebook first – because I forgot to log off last night and notifications are glaring at me, demanding my attention. Some mornings I find myself off-track and out of kilter, catawampus. Today is that day.

There is nothing wrong. I’m not late or behind on anything. I just feel it. Off. I have certain things I do each morning and usually in a certain order. That gives me predictability and, to be honest, a sense of pride. I can brag about how forward-thinking and strategic I am. But I’m not.

I’m not one of those people who often laments the beast called “Facebook”. Nope. I like it. I enjoy the conversations and the pictures. I don’t care if everything is glamorized and filtered. It’s like an endless magazine to me – only I actually know these people.

Today, I heard my inner voice give its warning and I flat out ignored it. I checked my FB messages and then looked for my FB notifications and then started scrolling … And time passes. I use the excuse that my journal is full, so I can’t do that part of my routine. And I ignore the Bible sitting on top of the journal, postponing the reading for the day. And I sip my already cold coffee. And I consider writing. And I check my school grades again, even though I know everything is graded. By this time, my granddaughter is up and getting ready to leave. I immerse myself in that process because I love it. And now they’re gone.

It’s me, a cat, a dog, and a fresh cup of coffee. And thoughts. Thoughts of imperfection. Thoughts of my day. Thoughts of how easy it is to get off-track, off-plan, off-kilter. Any of us can be one micro decision away from derailing our best intentions. I’m no exception.

There’s good news though. At any point, we can make a new decision. We can reclaim our plan. We can turn from what we are doing to what we think we should be doing or what we want to want even if we don’t actually want it yet. We can take responsibility for where we are and the choices we’re making and when we do, we empower ourselves to choose differently. *raises both hands in praise*

How often are we victimized by our own choices? How often are we blaming our circumstance on things that we fully control. I’m a life coach – I’m just going to say it – Take responsibility and change what you can. Stop the blame game – it doesn’t serve you or anyone else. Every big blunder is a series of micro indiscretions. We have the ability to influence how our day goes and we need to stop blaming God and others for the choices we’re making. Whew! I feel better! I’ve been needing to hear that! How about you?

Crying Over Scrambled Eggs

This morning was a pretty normal morning for me – up about 5:30, coffee x2, cozy blanket, journal, Bible – that’s how it goes. I have leisurely mornings with focused activity. I get up early to allow time to take my time if you know what I mean. After my thoughtful time, I got up – as usual – and made my breakfast. This morning I planned scrambled eggs. Sometimes, I have hard-boiled eggs, just to change it up a bit. But today the plan was scrambled eggs and a half of an apple, sliced. Simple. I heated the skillet, spritzed in some coconut oil and cracked my free-range eggs into the pan and began to scramble them. When they were just right, I scooped them onto a small Polish Pottery plate and went about halving then slicing my apple. I stood at the counter to gaze out the window and began to eat.

It doesn’t take too long to eat this breakfast so sitting down seemed a bit of a bother. It was just then, with my brain active and awake after being up for an hour and a half, that I realized what I was doing and what I’d been doing for so very many years. I was taking the gift – the blessing ­– of breakfast, of food, for granted. I was treating this privilege as if it was nothing.

In our home, we make it a practice to pray before most of our meals and thank God for our food. It’s very routine. In fact, it’s almost thoughtless. I’m glad that it’s such a routine that praying in a restaurant feels just as normal as praying in our home. Still, if I’m honest, it’s also such a routine that we do it too often without any real thought. We say words but don’t bother to really think about their significance.

Along these lines, I had another realization recently that relates to dieting. I often feel deprived when dieting. You, too? I look at what everyone else is having and I want to indulge, too. I don’t want to request steamed broccoli when others are having things coated in cheese and bread crumbs. Sometimes, in that state of feeling deprived, I go the other way and just order whatever I want. It’s a rebellious part of my personality that just goes for it, so to speak. When I feel deprived emotionally, I do the same thing. “Whatever!” becomes my mantra. I realized that in feeding my sense of deprivation I actually gain weight. Can you see the irony there? The collapse of logic? Clearly, I’m not actually deprived if I have choice.

This brings me back to this morning’s eggs. Those scrambled eggs may be my routine, but they are a gift. Wait for it – just like the ability to choose between steamed broccoli or broccoli casserole (or cheese dip, or a hot appetizer like everyone else) is a gift. I am blessed and if you are reading this, you are too. We actually have more than enough. We have choices. We, or at least I (and probably you), have a kitchen, pots and pans, butter, coconut oil, and utensils all at our disposal. We are not deprived. I am not deprived. And those basic, uninspired scrambled eggs? Well, they’re a blessing and as such, deserve special treatment.

 I immediately changed my course. I moved from my counter top location and went to the dining room table. I sat down and began to give heartfelt thanks for my eggs, my apple, my stove, my warm home. Scrambled eggs never tasted so good. I decided that the luxury of food – especially when it’s so easy to come by – deserves true thanksgiving and taking the time to sit down and enjoy the gift.

Now, I know myself. It won’t be long before I’ll be on to another great insight and in danger of forgetting this lesson. That’s why I’m writing it down. I want to remember. I need to be truly thankful for each blessed morsel. I don’t want to be shoving food mindlessly in my mouth anymore – at a counter top, in my car, eating in haste or mindlessly at any event. I want to honor the One who has so lavishly and abundantly provided for me. Once upon a time, God provided an abundant supply of manna and quail for His people. They weren’t grateful. They complained. How like them I have been!

Lord, thank you. Not just for the feast I have enjoyed over the past few days, but for what you provide every day. Thank you for the simple, fresh food I’m blessed to choose from. Thank you for the gift of indulgent foods that I am blessed to enjoy any time I desire. Please help me remember that I am blessed. May I not take my meals for granted. Please rebuke me if I’m found slipping back to my old ways.

Oh Yes You Can!

Let me get right to the point this morning. How long are you going to stay where you are, doing what you’re doing and refusing to change? There. I said it. I asked the real question. The one that gnaws at me in my own soul. How long are you going to complain about not getting results you didn’t work for? How long are you going to accept a mediocre version of yourself and pretend that it’s the best you can give.

Hold on! That last one really pricks. It stings. It smacks at the hardcore unvarnished truth. Well, now. I didn’t expect to go that deep that fast.

Listen, if I don’t tell it to you straight, I’m not doing you any good. If you’re going to shut me out every time I speak up, why am I even here? In fact, if you’re going to complain and whine about all of my [awesome] suggestions, I’m going to quit helping you.  I’m going to shut up. I’m going to quit telling you the truth and let you see how long you’ll stay happy swimming in your mediocre muck!

Soul Food

Whoo, boy! That cuts, doesn’t it? Sharp, sharp words. Mean and nasty – and oh, so true! Like you, like your friends and neighbors, I’m a master at self-victimization. Only thing is, I don’t call it that. I call it “doing the best I can” or “that’s just how I am” or “the stars weren’t aligned, it wasn’t God’s will, I can’t help it”. But the truth is, I’m allowing it and worse than that, I’m causing it. And so are you.

Every time we blame others or circumstances for our situation, we victimize ourselves. Every time we deny our ability to change, we surrender the power we have over the situation and label ourselves as helpless. Just because we use euphemisms to describe it doesn’t mean we’re not doing it. Let’s get real about it.

The thing is – I don’t think we need to blame anyone.  And that means ourselves, too. Blaming and accusing isn’t great material for growth. I say, let’s just acknowledge our position of power. Let’s reclaim our personal choice in the matters that matter. There are tons of things we cannot control in a day, for sure. But, my question is, what are we doing about the ones we can control?

My health food.

•                 What are we putting in our mouths?
•                 How and when are we strengthening our bodies?
•                 When are we going to bed, getting up, feeding our souls?
•                 How much time are we spending on social media, watching junk t.v., reading meaningless material, texting instead of talking, while we complain that we don’t make enough money, have meaningful relationships, weigh what we want, have any energy?

This isn’t sexy to talk about – I know it. But my friend, if we don’t face up to how we’re sabotaging our hopes and dreams, we will keep riding the hamster wheel that’s taking us nowhere. Encouragement is not patting someone, even yourself, on the head and saying “You did the best you could. You’re all you can be. You can’t help it.” No. Real encouragement is saying, “Put on your shoes and let’s run this race together! You can do more than you think. You are worth another shot. God loves you and so do I!”. Real encouragement calls a brother or sister up alongside. Real encouragement is laced with tons of belief in a person’s ability to rise above their circumstance.

I’m not here to tell you that you don’t need God. In fact, I’m not even here to tell you that you don’t face some real challenges. But I am here to challenge you to take responsibility for your say so in the matter. I’m here to challenge you to consider how you might do things differently if you’re not getting the results you want. I’m issuing a call to CHANGE.

Urgent or important?

I believe God is in control of our ultimate destiny. The Bible says, “A man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps” (paraphrased, Proverbs 16:9). And I personally believe in seeking God and His will for our lives. I also believe that we make many decisions each day that play a part in how we travel this life. I’m suggesting here that we might benefit from taking an honest look at our choices day in and day out and reckon with their impact on our current situation. This is what I mean when I say we need to take our power back and stop putting ourselves in the role of victim.

Consider some things:

•                 Who are you hanging around and do they encourage you to grow - by their words, by their own choices? Are they of excellent character? (Can you love them without spending tons of time around them if they’re not?)
•                 How do you run your day? Are you in control of your time? Are you making time for what’s truly important or simply chasing after the urgent all day?
•                 What are you putting in your brain? Do you read uplifting, intellectual things? Is your thought life driven by trashy books, disparaging comedy/music, the news, your social media feed – to name a few that I judge as draining, depleting?
•                 Are you feeding your soul intentionally?
•                 Are you finding your feel-good moments in ways that do not serve you? (Food, alcohol, drugs, porn, egomania)
•                 Are you satisfied with being less than you believe you were created to be?

What change are you resisting that you know would help you? We are afraid of change. I get it. If we change, others may not accept us. If we change, everything will be different. If we change we can never do x, y or z again – or so we fear.  I only know who I am now. How can I be something else? I get that.

Here’s an idea. What if you stop trying to do all the right things and you concentrated on who you want to be? I decided I want to be healthy. That changed some choices for me. I decided I want to be in full integrity with myself and that led to me changing some disingenuous behavior. I decided I want to be more in tune with God and so I began to create more time for time in the Word and prayer. I decided I wanted to be a more powerful person for myself and others and so I began to change and adopt some habits that are more in alignment with that desire.

My friend. You have more control than you think. You, like me, are making choices day in and day out that are impacting your place in life. I personally don’t know anyone who can’t improve in some area or another so trust me, I’m not putting you down. My goal is to help you look up and decide to pick yourself up. Come on now. You can do it.

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The Perfection of Imperfection

Even as I write the title, I am moved by truth. Imperfection is actually perfect. It blows me away to fully consider this. I am, by far, the most imperfect person I know. I can be selfish, rude,  self-serving, and shallow - and that's the tip of the iceberg. I eat when I'm anxious, sad, happy, and mad. I laugh at inappropriate things and can cry at the drop of a hat. I know I'm not supposed to care what you think about me, but I do. I am guilty of things that would very likely surprise you. And this is where I am today - imperfect and in that is it's own perfection.

Oh, I know how it sounds to the most religious of you. Glorifying in my sin. Celebrating things that are wrong. But, oh my dear friend, that's not how it is at all. My sin breaks my heart. I would that I was different - so very often. I grow. I learn. And by the grace of God, I change. I like to think I improve - and I believe I do. I simply do not know how to be where I am except by where I've been. Those imperfections? Those flaws are part of the very reason I know Jesus and are surely evidence that I needed a savior. I could not, cannot overcome my weaknesses on my own. Frankly, I'm just too imperfect for that.

So many things are coming together in my head this morning ... realizing I feel hurt by someone taking me off of their friend list, absorbing a mind-blowing Scripture passage, facing some negative consequences of positive action (reference the unfriending part), realizing not everyone will like me or agree with me... and reckoning with that. It's o.k. It really is. You don't have to like me. You don't have to agree with me. I'm not here to please you. And that means you're not here to please me - or anyone else for that matter.

In a Perfect World 
by Stephanie Redmond, 2018

In a perfect world

We’d all be perfect.

There’d be no sin, no guilt, no shame.

There’d be no wrong and

You couldn’t be disappointed by me

Or me by you.

In a perfect world

You wouldn’t talk behind my back

Nor I behind yours.

Love would cover all

And there’d be no need

For “You hurt me”,

“I was wrong” and

“Please forgive me”.

In a perfect world

Sheep wouldn’t stray and

Shepherds would care for the one who did.

There’d be no tears, divorce, or even death.

We would love richly, worship freely, and

Live happily -

Ever after.

In a perfect world

I suppose we’d have no need for God,

Would never seek His face or

Know the power of His grace.

Thank God this world is not perfect.

What is This Life Coaching Thing Anyway? (and Why I Have a Coach)

Life Coaching – fastest growing and maybe most misunderstood profession. We’ve talked about this. You can read my other blog here. I think people want to know though. They want to get what life coaching looks like and are curious if a life coach could help them. You may be curious if life coaching could help you.

Answer: It depends. It depends on so much.

Things that affect the success of Life Coaching:

                Rapport – Do you mesh with your life coach? This is so key that actual studies have been done on it. Let me sum it up this way: no rapport, virtually no success. You may find some victory without rapport, but I wouldn’t count on it. In fact, rapport can bring success even when the coach lacks skills. Rapport is the magic juice of coaching, in my humble opinion. The fairy dust. Rapport keeps you engaged with your coach, allows your coach to speak frankly with you, cuts through the muck and mire to find out what’s really going on.

                Trust – A little different than rapport but no less important. Trust gives you security and is based on the reliability of the coach. It allows you to explore areas that you’ve been hiding from yourself, speak the truth, know your coach will maintain confidentiality, and bring their best to the conversation, looking out for your best.

                Willingness to change – If you’re unwilling to change, well, nothing will change. That’s not completely true. Some things may change but they’ll be externally charged. A willingness to change puts you in the driver’s seat and helps you realize new victories and experiences.

                Vulnerability – With good rapport and trust, you feel secure in being vulnerable with your coach. When you’re willing to be vulnerable, you avail yourself to deeper coaching and, in my opinion, faster results.

                Transparency – Similar to vulnerability, but I’m putting this one on the coach. A coach shouldn’t be pouring their hearts out to their clients, but that doesn’t mean they should act inhuman. A transparent coach increases trust and rapport. Transparency helps the client feel understood and not so alone in their struggles.

Coaching can be understood by comparing it to counseling. Counseling primarily deals with the past and how it’s affecting the client today. As a result, counseling works a lot on past stories and events. In counseling, the counselor acts as an expert and advises the client/patient. Coaching is focused on the future. Coaches may explore your past, but it’s as you bring up things that are relevant to your goals, keeping you stuck. Coaches help release the hold past events have on you and help you see ways to operate beyond that story. Note: this is a very simplistic definition and is not intended to elevate one profession over the other. Coaches are not acting as the expert on a subject as much as a helper or ally. In coaching, the client sets the pace, determines their goals and how to measure them. The differences may be cloudy at times and certainly there are similarities, still they remain separate.

Do coaches have coaches?

Yes, though not always. Coaches may believe they don’t need a personal coach, but I can’t see how this serves clients best. Everyone has blind spots. Everyone has weaknesses. Everyone needs to be challenged at times in order to reach their potential, even highly motivated individuals. A coach can bring a much sharper game when they themselves are coached. As a coach, I can be just as easily caught up in limiting beliefs, fears, and small thinking as anyone. By submitting myself for coaching, I have help examining these issues so that each week I’m bringing my clients the best me possible at that time. (See how I’m being transparent here? I don’t have all the answers.)

Some things I’ve heard from my coach(es):

                I hear defiance.

I don’t think I’m being defiant.

                Have you tried centered breathing?

Nope. Haven’t specifically heard of it.

                Let’s go through a total truth letter.

Oh, boy! *feels nervous*

                Why are you judging that?

Didn’t realize I was.

                What are you pretending not to know?

Ummmm – huh?

One of my clients wrote an article about her coaching experience recently. She said that I “help her untie the brain knots”. I think that’s an excellent description of the coaching experience. I’m the other ears, the other eyes. I have a different perspective – and you’re safe with me.

Coaching By Stephanie

                               

A Most Powerful Choice

There’s a conversation going on in society around the topic of not giving up. It says things like, “success lives right around the corner from I quit” and “never, never give up”. Amen! Right on! Never give up! Keep on keepin’ on! Press on! Fight to the finish! And, sometimes, this very thought process is what will keep us held back, stuck in an endless do-loop of trying so hard to be all that we think we should be.

Now, note – I said “sometimes”. It’s true that perseverance often serves us and that quitting doesn’t. It’s true that success, real success requires moving outside of the infamous comfort zone and into new, uncomfortable, even scary, territory. Success even requires failure. Requires failure! Believe me, I’m not suggesting you don’t need to persevere when things get challenging and irritating, when you find yourself failing. That, my friend, really is very often the very sign of a breakthrough. When things get tough you can celebrate moving closer to your goals – usually.

There can be a problem though. I urge you to carefully consider if you’re actually on the path that’s right for you, best for you. What if you’re hanging onto a goal that isn’t meant for you? What if getting what you think you want will keep you from finding what is best for you? What if you’re on the wrong path or have wrong motives?

Some reasons we may need to reconsider our paths:

1.   Our goals and dreams might be interfering with God’s plan. We may have a desire to achieve something that is in opposition to what God wants for us or others. God’s plans will prevail.

2.       We may be looking for security in tangible things. Our hope may be resting in something other than God. That’s an idol. Tangible things cannot satisfy the true desires of our heart.

3.       Our motives may be much more about self than others (no matter how we word it). Speaking from experience here. It’s possible to say the right things but not actually mean them – even when we think we do.

4.       We may need to learn something on another path in order to successfully walk the one we’re currently trying to manage. Think about that. You may need a temporary detour.

Here’s the thing: sometimes we recognize it’s time to move on. We feel out of whack. Things just aren’t lining up. We might become aware that all we’re doing is running up against the same roadblock again and again, making no progress. I’m suggesting you at least consider that there may be another path at the end of that road. What does it look like? Is it for you?

My friend and fellow coach, Robin, gave a group of us a great visual this week. It’s the earth cut up into puzzle pieces. She shared that we each have our place in the world and if we don’t do our part then there’s a missing puzzle piece. That got me to thinking about spiritual gifts and ministries in the body of Christ – the church. The Bible says each believer is gifted by the Holy Spirit – given supernatural gifts for growing the body. The Bible also says that “we are [Christ’s] workmanship [poema] created for good works which He prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). And we cannot miss the truth around integrity. We can fall out of integrity with God and with ourselves and even with those around us. We compromise. We lose sight of things that really matter. Our priorities and values may not be aligning. All of these offer insights to reasons we may need to look at another path.

Let me ask you a question: if you knew you were actually on the wrong path, wouldn’t you want to be redirected? Wouldn’t you be willing to go after something new instead? And if that’s all true, can’t you stop beating up on yourself and judging your decision? Can’t you, won’t you, stop letting others rent space in your brain over your choice? Choosing a new path that serves you, God, your family, the world better is a powerful choice. If it feels dicey, I think that’s the time to press in. I think that’s the time to bring up the quotes from the beginning of this article. Choosing a new path is not the same as giving up.  – Yeah, I’m totally talking to myself. If it serves you, too, then that’s awesome.

Gaining Balance

Have you ever felt like your life was out of balance? Out of sync? How did that make you feel? Irritated? Critical? Anxious? I’ve felt that. And I’ve come out of that into a sense of calm – you probably want to know how.

1.       I spent a year focusing on learning to listen. For the past few years I’ve prayed about and decided upon a one-word focus for the year. Yes, it’s a trendy thing to do, but I could see value in it and I’ve found that it helps me make decisions about how I spend my time and energy. Anyway, last year I chose listen. I wanted to make time and space to listen to God and others and even myself.

2.       I became a deliberate joy seeker. I made a point of looking for joy in all of my circumstances. This past year I had my share of sadness and pain, but still I employed the tactic of seeking joy in my strife, joy in work, joy in my relationships, joy, joy, joy! In fact, I spent a fair amount of time recording the joy I found in each day.  This reminded me that God had not forgotten me in my darkest times. It helped cement the awareness that joy doesn’t actually mean happiness or happy circumstances. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5b

3.        I practiced (and still do) thanksgiving. Learning to recognize the gifts of each day and extend thanks for them can do wonders for contentment. I am bent toward a complaining demeanor. Giving thanks in all things helps keep me from that (more than not). It also helps keep worry at bay. Let’s hear it for less worry! Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

4.       I became self-focused. OK, I know that may not sound very Christian to you, so let me explain it. I read a quote where a speaker said to draw a circle around yourself and ask God to change the person in it as a means to starting a spiritual revival. I stopped focusing on everyone else’s flaws (as much) and asked God to change my heart, forgive my sin. I have to get the log out of my own eye. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own? Matthew 7:3

5.       I started relinquishing things that no longer fit. As God changed the person in the circle, some things just didn’t seem to fit anymore. I had to let go of some things, make some changes, in order to embrace the new things that God had planned for me. This is harder than it seems! We like familiar, comfortable things. But they are false security. Familiar doesn’t mean best for you. I had to put my trust in Jesus and follow Him to new things, new places.

I don’t know if these steps are the right ones for you. I just know that following them has helped me regain my balance and reduce anxiety. Focusing on myself and God’s Word has helped me be less critical of others’ shortcomings, less prideful. I won’t tell you I have it all figured out.  I’m just saying things are clearer than they’ve been in a while. Maybe my plank is smaller.

Refreshment: body and soul

In our fast-paced world filled with the constant hum of information flowing in and out, it is easy to get swept away in the rush of it all. Others are constantly demanding responses and action that we may or may not be ready to give. We’re pouring out ourselves and rarely finding, or making, the time to be filled. We tap into our reserves to find the strength to meet the needs of those around us. We resist stopping for our own needs for fear we drop an important ball, let someone down, miss an appointment, appear selfish. We stay in situations that are all demand and no give. We keep churning, paddling, trying, striving and wonder why, oh why, we don’t seem to be making progress. And if we keep at it long enough, we will find ourselves parched. Dry. Empty.

I’ve been through a thirsty season or two in my years on this planet. In fact, I’ve been through dry, parched seasons. I know what it’s like to lick sand hoping for water. I know what it’s like to feel completely drained and spent. And I know well, the hope of just trying harder, giving it one more shot, crawling one more foot in hopes of finding the well of refreshment desperately craved by my soul.

Can you relate? Are you burned out? Have you given your last ounce? I wonder if we are making our own desert by striving so hard. What if refreshment was right in arm’s reach? Imagine stopping right where you are and taking a long, cold, refreshing drink of water. Could you go another mile if someone offered you water today? Remember that soft drink ad The Pause that Refreshes? That ad may hold an important key.

Recently, I heard a sermon that was like ice, cold water on a hot summer day for my soul. I remember walking out of the church building feeling absolutely refreshed, nourished, calmed. Truth can be refreshing (even when it’s tough truth). As a child of God, the Holy Spirit within you will affirm truth and remind you that you don’t have to do so much. You can rest in God’s abundant and sufficient supply.

I am reminded of the burden of carrying a heavy load. Imagine yourself weighed down with your burdens, striving to make it one more step when someone comes along and shares the load or better yet, takes the entire load off of you. That’s what God says He does for us. He bears our burdens so we don’t have to. (And yet, we heap it all back on ourselves!)

Dear soul, you must find refreshment. You must sometimes pause. It’s o.k. The world doesn’t depend on you for it to stay in motion. I know it feels like it does. People will try to convince you it does. You cannot keep running on empty. You will not be able to maintain optimal performance without being properly fueled. You just can’t.

So, what’s the remedy? How do you find refreshment in a dry and weary land? My first and best answer is Jesus. He is Living Water. He carries our burdens. He cares for us.

Other Ways to Find Refreshment:

1.       Pause.  Find the time for reflection and rest.

2.       Take a class and learn something new. I know it sounds like one more thing, but it gives you so much!

 

3.       Start an exercise routine. Walking and yoga are both known stress-relievers and energy-givers.

4.       Eat for energy. Clean eating offers so much nutritional support for your body!

5.       Get on the GREEN SMOOTHIE bandwagon. There are some great recipes out there and you can tweak them to get the flavor you want.

6.       Try aromatherapy.

7.       Implement meditation/prayer. Research backs up the value of these practices.

8.     Make time to journal and organize your thoughts.

9.       Practice Thanksgiving. Intentional giving of thanks reminds you of the bounty you’ve been given. It’s a well right in the middle of the desert.

10.   Test drive a life coach. I know it seems self-serving since it’s my business, but seriously – life coaches partner with you and help you put things in perspective! Free consultations available.

A Piece of Quiet

Sometime after my daughter was born (26 years ago), I would mention needing some peace and quiet. I don’t remember which child it was (I’m thinking my middle child, now 28 years old), but somewhere along the way I realized he thought I was saying I needed a “piece of quiet”. Well, that’s kind of the same thing. In a noisy, active house of 3 kids, you can imagine that this mom could use a piece of quiet.

I craved it so much that I actually got up at 5 a.m. each day even though my children didn’t get up until 7. Crazy, right? Well, you have to understand. I had become more active in church and had learned about Ladies’ Bible Study. I joined the group – they had free childcare! – and the study we were doing required 45 minutes a day for homework. In addition, I desired to start learning how to have a “Quiet Time”, a structured time of prayer and Bible reading. The only way I knew to do that was to get up before my kiddos – and I’ve pretty consistently stuck to that for 26 years (though not always at 5 a.m).

I would love to tell you that I always do it and that I never get distracted by Facebook or looking at random newsfeed stories, but well, that wouldn’t be true. What is true is that the more I allow myself consistent quiet time and time for prayer and Bible reading, the more I resist social media, t.v., games, chores, reading the news and focus on my own thoughts, listening to instrumental music, writing, journaling my prayers – the more I do all of these things, the more productive I am and the calmer I feel.

This morning I was distracted by many things. First of all, I stayed up late last night and as a result slept in this morning (6:45 a.m. is late when you normally rise before 6!). When I finally got out of bed, I was groggy and slow moving. In this state, I don’t make the best choices and went straight to Facebook to “wake up”. Hello, black hole! Next, I was caught off-guard by realizing it was time for me to check in with my coach. Before that call was finished, my granddaughter was up (they’re visiting for the weekend) and I was ready to engage with her. All of that meant that it was 9 a.m. before I realized I’d yet to be still and acknowledge God or ponder my own thoughts and plans. Sigh. Hello, human nature!

Do I get it right all the time? No! Do you? I know that you don’t. What I try to do is look for the lesson, the gift. Today it is a check-in with my soul. I need a piece of quiet. I do. Every day. That time I take in the morning is one of the greatest gifts I give myself and it also a gift to those I love and serve. It’s here in this quiet space that I recalibrate. It’s here that I have time to think. It’s here that ideas are born and motivation is generated. It’s here that my soul finds rest and it’s here that I can hear the still, small voice of the Most High.

Steps to Finding Your Own Piece of Quiet

1 – Get up early. It may take a little work to get to where you want to be, but you can begin by getting up 15 mins earlier than normal and go from there.

2 – Steal away during the day for a mental break and check-in. Heather Jones recommends a 1-minute check-in every hour. Set an alarm on your phone and just ask yourself how you’re doing – do you need water? Are you in need of a healthy snack? Do you need to move? Stretch and prepare to refocus.

3 – Go to bed earlier. Rachel Hollis says she gets in bed every night at 7:30 to read and focus. That’s why she’s so productive! That may not be what you want but what about limiting social media at night? Turning off the t.v. 30 minutes before bedtime? No t.v. in your bedroom? Setting your phone on “Do Not Disturb”? Mine is set for no interruptions between 10 pm and 7 am.

4 – Feed your soul daily. “Give us this day our daily bread” indicates our need for God’s provision daily.

5 – Journal – make time to journal regularly. I journal prayers and thankfulness. I’m a perpetual notetaker.

6 – Go for a walk. A gentle stroll or power walk – either has the ability to give you time to think and reconnect.

7 – Plug In! I know we often advocate unplugging and with good reason. However, in a noisy environment, you can use earphones to put the sounds in your ear that are uplifting, calming, motivating – whatever you need. I love listening to Hawaiian music on Pandora!

8 – Set aside an hour a day to work on your most pressing goals. This comes from Rachel Hollis and her Rise Conference. If it’s important to you, you must make time to make it happen. Period.

9 – Hire a sitter, go to a coffee shop, sit in your car – I often take 10 minutes or so before heading into the grocery store to catch up on things and think.

10 – Teach others to honor your quiet spaces and times. You are allowed to be “off limits” sometimes. Really! Timers work well for little children, as do closed doors when someone else is there to supervise.

Start taking a regular "piece of quiet"time and see what happens. I find I have more time and energy for others when I do.

Coaching By Stephanie

You Can't Win Them All ... or Can You?

You Can’t Win Them All … or CAN You?
Coaching By Stephanie, The Joy Coach

It’s a common saying: You can’t win them all. It’s assumed we’re all going to have some wins and all going to have some losses. We keep each other “grounded” in reality with this saying and help console one another when things don’t go our way, don’t we? Yeah, we do. We pat one another on the back and mark it up to uncontrollable and inevitable. Well, I’m not buying it. Not anymore.

Recently, we had to tell someone something (vague much?) that we knew wouldn’t go down well. We anticipated a negative response. We even prepared ourselves for it. The response we received was worse than we thought we’d get. It bruised our souls for sure. And you know, it was tempting to just say, “You can’t win them all.” But, I realized that’s not true at all. You can win them ALL! Here’s how.

Above all, you have to realize that sometimes “losing” is actually “winning”. I’m not talking some fake, pseudo pop psychology here. I’m dead serious. Losing can reveal things you would not know otherwise. Things about a person’s character. Things about a situation. Things that affirm your decisions. And you know what?  That’s a win, pal. A legit win.

Early days at "the cabin". 6 y.o. behind the boat.

Losing represents trying, caring enough to try – even if the result is not what you’re going for. We live on a lake. For years before making it our permanent residence, we vacationed here with our kids. Our kids grew up waterskiing. (Brag moment: my husband is a great water skier! So are my kids.) Sometimes, they would get out on the water and decide they wanted to get fancy and look like him. They’d try leaning back more, cutting sharper, making their turns quicker and closer together. And they might just wipe out – completely wipe out – the kind that makes a mother suck in air and yell, “Turn around! They’re down!”. We’d make the u-turn, pull up alongside with the skier on the driver’s side, confirm they were o.k., look for blood – maybe that was just me – and then my husband (Mr. Calm) would lean out the boat and say “If you’re not falling, you’re not trying hard enough. Let me know when you're ready.” And he'd position the boat for the next pull while they regained consciousness and put on their skis.  (And I’d shake my head and resume my seated position.)

My kids will all 3 tell you that life lesson has served them well. Falling or failing is not a sign of weakness or poor performance. It’s a sign of trying, of believing you can do something hard or new. “Failing” is winning! 1 kid is a cop, another is in aviation school with the Army and another is an entrepreneur. They aren’t afraid to fail as much as they are afraid to not try.

In every fail, every loss, there are lessons, messages, gifts if you will. My coach mentor calls them packages. There are gifts from God that, when opened, offer you things you would never have learned otherwise. He also says that the road to success is actually paved with failure and that you cannot resist failure and achieve success. Losing is winning. I’ve had to lose at things to even see what God was trying to teach me. In some of my losses, I’ve looked and realized the loss had to happen for God to answer the prayers I’d actually prayed. Some of my losses were intended to shift me on a new path of growth.

What if every time you missed a goal, had a “bad” run-in with someone, missed your flight, got caught in traffic and missed a deadline or appointment – what if every time you looked for a blessing or lesson? What if you learned to leave more time between events? What if you realized you could’ve chosen your words more carefully? What if you acknowledged the value of each loss? Wouldn’t that help you try again? It would, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it give you more confidence that God was still looking out for you and could use your “negative” experience in His ultimate plan? My friend and fellow life coach, Diane Burton, says, “Look for the lessons, the blessings, and the gifts in every situation”. They’re there.

                Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3)

Note: All the successes here came after many more failed attempts ... and so they're wins (and they mean more!). 

(To my kids, I tried to steal great waterskiing pics of you all, but FB let me down when I tried to save them. Love mom.)