Well, that didn't go as planned!

Not every morning is perfect and cozy with everything going just to plan. Some mornings I jump on Facebook first – because I forgot to log off last night and notifications are glaring at me, demanding my attention. Some mornings I find myself off-track and out of kilter, catawampus. Today is that day.

There is nothing wrong. I’m not late or behind on anything. I just feel it. Off. I have certain things I do each morning and usually in a certain order. That gives me predictability and, to be honest, a sense of pride. I can brag about how forward-thinking and strategic I am. But I’m not.

I’m not one of those people who often laments the beast called “Facebook”. Nope. I like it. I enjoy the conversations and the pictures. I don’t care if everything is glamorized and filtered. It’s like an endless magazine to me – only I actually know these people.

Today, I heard my inner voice give its warning and I flat out ignored it. I checked my FB messages and then looked for my FB notifications and then started scrolling … And time passes. I use the excuse that my journal is full, so I can’t do that part of my routine. And I ignore the Bible sitting on top of the journal, postponing the reading for the day. And I sip my already cold coffee. And I consider writing. And I check my school grades again, even though I know everything is graded. By this time, my granddaughter is up and getting ready to leave. I immerse myself in that process because I love it. And now they’re gone.

It’s me, a cat, a dog, and a fresh cup of coffee. And thoughts. Thoughts of imperfection. Thoughts of my day. Thoughts of how easy it is to get off-track, off-plan, off-kilter. Any of us can be one micro decision away from derailing our best intentions. I’m no exception.

There’s good news though. At any point, we can make a new decision. We can reclaim our plan. We can turn from what we are doing to what we think we should be doing or what we want to want even if we don’t actually want it yet. We can take responsibility for where we are and the choices we’re making and when we do, we empower ourselves to choose differently. *raises both hands in praise*

How often are we victimized by our own choices? How often are we blaming our circumstance on things that we fully control. I’m a life coach – I’m just going to say it – Take responsibility and change what you can. Stop the blame game – it doesn’t serve you or anyone else. Every big blunder is a series of micro indiscretions. We have the ability to influence how our day goes and we need to stop blaming God and others for the choices we’re making. Whew! I feel better! I’ve been needing to hear that! How about you?

A Piece of Quiet

Sometime after my daughter was born (26 years ago), I would mention needing some peace and quiet. I don’t remember which child it was (I’m thinking my middle child, now 28 years old), but somewhere along the way I realized he thought I was saying I needed a “piece of quiet”. Well, that’s kind of the same thing. In a noisy, active house of 3 kids, you can imagine that this mom could use a piece of quiet.

I craved it so much that I actually got up at 5 a.m. each day even though my children didn’t get up until 7. Crazy, right? Well, you have to understand. I had become more active in church and had learned about Ladies’ Bible Study. I joined the group – they had free childcare! – and the study we were doing required 45 minutes a day for homework. In addition, I desired to start learning how to have a “Quiet Time”, a structured time of prayer and Bible reading. The only way I knew to do that was to get up before my kiddos – and I’ve pretty consistently stuck to that for 26 years (though not always at 5 a.m).

I would love to tell you that I always do it and that I never get distracted by Facebook or looking at random newsfeed stories, but well, that wouldn’t be true. What is true is that the more I allow myself consistent quiet time and time for prayer and Bible reading, the more I resist social media, t.v., games, chores, reading the news and focus on my own thoughts, listening to instrumental music, writing, journaling my prayers – the more I do all of these things, the more productive I am and the calmer I feel.

This morning I was distracted by many things. First of all, I stayed up late last night and as a result slept in this morning (6:45 a.m. is late when you normally rise before 6!). When I finally got out of bed, I was groggy and slow moving. In this state, I don’t make the best choices and went straight to Facebook to “wake up”. Hello, black hole! Next, I was caught off-guard by realizing it was time for me to check in with my coach. Before that call was finished, my granddaughter was up (they’re visiting for the weekend) and I was ready to engage with her. All of that meant that it was 9 a.m. before I realized I’d yet to be still and acknowledge God or ponder my own thoughts and plans. Sigh. Hello, human nature!

Do I get it right all the time? No! Do you? I know that you don’t. What I try to do is look for the lesson, the gift. Today it is a check-in with my soul. I need a piece of quiet. I do. Every day. That time I take in the morning is one of the greatest gifts I give myself and it also a gift to those I love and serve. It’s here in this quiet space that I recalibrate. It’s here that I have time to think. It’s here that ideas are born and motivation is generated. It’s here that my soul finds rest and it’s here that I can hear the still, small voice of the Most High.

Steps to Finding Your Own Piece of Quiet

1 – Get up early. It may take a little work to get to where you want to be, but you can begin by getting up 15 mins earlier than normal and go from there.

2 – Steal away during the day for a mental break and check-in. Heather Jones recommends a 1-minute check-in every hour. Set an alarm on your phone and just ask yourself how you’re doing – do you need water? Are you in need of a healthy snack? Do you need to move? Stretch and prepare to refocus.

3 – Go to bed earlier. Rachel Hollis says she gets in bed every night at 7:30 to read and focus. That’s why she’s so productive! That may not be what you want but what about limiting social media at night? Turning off the t.v. 30 minutes before bedtime? No t.v. in your bedroom? Setting your phone on “Do Not Disturb”? Mine is set for no interruptions between 10 pm and 7 am.

4 – Feed your soul daily. “Give us this day our daily bread” indicates our need for God’s provision daily.

5 – Journal – make time to journal regularly. I journal prayers and thankfulness. I’m a perpetual notetaker.

6 – Go for a walk. A gentle stroll or power walk – either has the ability to give you time to think and reconnect.

7 – Plug In! I know we often advocate unplugging and with good reason. However, in a noisy environment, you can use earphones to put the sounds in your ear that are uplifting, calming, motivating – whatever you need. I love listening to Hawaiian music on Pandora!

8 – Set aside an hour a day to work on your most pressing goals. This comes from Rachel Hollis and her Rise Conference. If it’s important to you, you must make time to make it happen. Period.

9 – Hire a sitter, go to a coffee shop, sit in your car – I often take 10 minutes or so before heading into the grocery store to catch up on things and think.

10 – Teach others to honor your quiet spaces and times. You are allowed to be “off limits” sometimes. Really! Timers work well for little children, as do closed doors when someone else is there to supervise.

Start taking a regular "piece of quiet"time and see what happens. I find I have more time and energy for others when I do.

Coaching By Stephanie

The Worst Thing You Can Say

Our culture is changing in America. We are increasingly aware of not offending others. Bullying is no longer acceptable. We’re governing speech in ways I haven’t known before.

I grew up in a much less sensitive environment. Racial comments were the norm and things that are now known to be offensive were once considered polite references. Our society misused words like “retarded” and made them insults, slurs. Back then it was considered funny to mock anyone who was different. Verbal bullying was o.k. It was normal to demean women, people of color, short people, tall people. Now? Not so much. We, I hope, are learning to be more aware of the impact of our words.

However, one area of speech that is gaining popularity is that of cursing. Rare is the day when you will hear anyone apologize for their profanity. It is, as far as I can see, considered a type of liberation. Ah, the complete freedom to say whatever you please, as long as it’s not offending anyone. Of course, it is offending people, but not in the way I've already mentioned. 

I recall sitting at a restaurant, and this has happened more than once, dining near a table of military members. We, and others around us, were dining with our families. Oblivious to those around them, the group used one curse word after another and they did so loudly, taking no concern for those they may have been offending nor of the children around them. My husband discreetly stepped over and drew their attention to the families in their vicinity and they kindly changed their talk. I appreciated that. However, that was 10 years ago. I’m not sure that would be so effective today.

The language on t.v is coarse, the jokes are crude. And I wonder, is the majority unaware that others find their language offensive? Now, let’s be clear, I don’t hold myself up as the greatest example of all, to be sure. I have plenty plenty of flaws and I can be found guilty of language issues myself. My goal is not to condemn but rather to offer a view, draw awareness.

In recent years, I’ve become aware of the way profane language is tossed around so casually. So insensitively. And of course, the “F” word has become the new norm.  It’s everywhere. Believe it or not, this hasn’t always been the case. Until fairly recently, this word was whispered, mouthed, implied but never blurted out in polite company. Not that I’m aware of. I mean, the military people I was around used it freely among themselves, but other than that, I rarely heard it and even then, if it was uttered, there was also a sense  that it might not be appreciated by everyone. Again, I’m just drawing awareness.

You might think that I believe this is the worst thing you could say. This major curse word, once reserved for the worst of situations, this surely must be the worst. But it isn’t. Not in my mind anyway. The worst thing I believe anyone can say to another is a phrase that I’ve heard my entire life. One rarely covered up. One delivered in jokes. One friend to another.

The worst thing I think you could say to someone else is “Go to hell.”. We say it so casually and I doubt we consider what we’re actually saying. To curse someone to hell is to say “No eternal life for you!” “No Jesus for you!” “Live with the mortal enemy of Christ forever!”. That’s what that phrase means. It grieves me to hear it. And the worst part? I’ve said it. In anger, I have viciously flung that phrase. And I regret it.

Our language can be a beautiful gift. We have the choice when we speak to lift others up or not. With our mouths, we can bless or we can curse. Our words can give life and hope. The Scripture says we should not bless God and curse man who is made in God’s image from the same mouth (James 3:9,10) – and yet we do. Christians are told to “let no unwholesome talk come out of [our] mouth” (Ephesians 4:29).

All of this to say, our language matters. Our words matter. We would do well to censor ourselves sometimes simply out of respect for others around us. And when we choose to curse, we might benefit from considering what we are actually saying. I would not actually wish hell on anyone but the vilest offender – and even for them, I’d like to think I could pray for their soul to be save and their life changed.