Oh Yes You Can!

Let me get right to the point this morning. How long are you going to stay where you are, doing what you’re doing and refusing to change? There. I said it. I asked the real question. The one that gnaws at me in my own soul. How long are you going to complain about not getting results you didn’t work for? How long are you going to accept a mediocre version of yourself and pretend that it’s the best you can give.

Hold on! That last one really pricks. It stings. It smacks at the hardcore unvarnished truth. Well, now. I didn’t expect to go that deep that fast.

Listen, if I don’t tell it to you straight, I’m not doing you any good. If you’re going to shut me out every time I speak up, why am I even here? In fact, if you’re going to complain and whine about all of my [awesome] suggestions, I’m going to quit helping you.  I’m going to shut up. I’m going to quit telling you the truth and let you see how long you’ll stay happy swimming in your mediocre muck!

Soul Food

Whoo, boy! That cuts, doesn’t it? Sharp, sharp words. Mean and nasty – and oh, so true! Like you, like your friends and neighbors, I’m a master at self-victimization. Only thing is, I don’t call it that. I call it “doing the best I can” or “that’s just how I am” or “the stars weren’t aligned, it wasn’t God’s will, I can’t help it”. But the truth is, I’m allowing it and worse than that, I’m causing it. And so are you.

Every time we blame others or circumstances for our situation, we victimize ourselves. Every time we deny our ability to change, we surrender the power we have over the situation and label ourselves as helpless. Just because we use euphemisms to describe it doesn’t mean we’re not doing it. Let’s get real about it.

The thing is – I don’t think we need to blame anyone.  And that means ourselves, too. Blaming and accusing isn’t great material for growth. I say, let’s just acknowledge our position of power. Let’s reclaim our personal choice in the matters that matter. There are tons of things we cannot control in a day, for sure. But, my question is, what are we doing about the ones we can control?

My health food.

•                 What are we putting in our mouths?
•                 How and when are we strengthening our bodies?
•                 When are we going to bed, getting up, feeding our souls?
•                 How much time are we spending on social media, watching junk t.v., reading meaningless material, texting instead of talking, while we complain that we don’t make enough money, have meaningful relationships, weigh what we want, have any energy?

This isn’t sexy to talk about – I know it. But my friend, if we don’t face up to how we’re sabotaging our hopes and dreams, we will keep riding the hamster wheel that’s taking us nowhere. Encouragement is not patting someone, even yourself, on the head and saying “You did the best you could. You’re all you can be. You can’t help it.” No. Real encouragement is saying, “Put on your shoes and let’s run this race together! You can do more than you think. You are worth another shot. God loves you and so do I!”. Real encouragement calls a brother or sister up alongside. Real encouragement is laced with tons of belief in a person’s ability to rise above their circumstance.

I’m not here to tell you that you don’t need God. In fact, I’m not even here to tell you that you don’t face some real challenges. But I am here to challenge you to take responsibility for your say so in the matter. I’m here to challenge you to consider how you might do things differently if you’re not getting the results you want. I’m issuing a call to CHANGE.

Urgent or important?

I believe God is in control of our ultimate destiny. The Bible says, “A man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps” (paraphrased, Proverbs 16:9). And I personally believe in seeking God and His will for our lives. I also believe that we make many decisions each day that play a part in how we travel this life. I’m suggesting here that we might benefit from taking an honest look at our choices day in and day out and reckon with their impact on our current situation. This is what I mean when I say we need to take our power back and stop putting ourselves in the role of victim.

Consider some things:

•                 Who are you hanging around and do they encourage you to grow - by their words, by their own choices? Are they of excellent character? (Can you love them without spending tons of time around them if they’re not?)
•                 How do you run your day? Are you in control of your time? Are you making time for what’s truly important or simply chasing after the urgent all day?
•                 What are you putting in your brain? Do you read uplifting, intellectual things? Is your thought life driven by trashy books, disparaging comedy/music, the news, your social media feed – to name a few that I judge as draining, depleting?
•                 Are you feeding your soul intentionally?
•                 Are you finding your feel-good moments in ways that do not serve you? (Food, alcohol, drugs, porn, egomania)
•                 Are you satisfied with being less than you believe you were created to be?

What change are you resisting that you know would help you? We are afraid of change. I get it. If we change, others may not accept us. If we change, everything will be different. If we change we can never do x, y or z again – or so we fear.  I only know who I am now. How can I be something else? I get that.

Here’s an idea. What if you stop trying to do all the right things and you concentrated on who you want to be? I decided I want to be healthy. That changed some choices for me. I decided I want to be in full integrity with myself and that led to me changing some disingenuous behavior. I decided I want to be more in tune with God and so I began to create more time for time in the Word and prayer. I decided I wanted to be a more powerful person for myself and others and so I began to change and adopt some habits that are more in alignment with that desire.

My friend. You have more control than you think. You, like me, are making choices day in and day out that are impacting your place in life. I personally don’t know anyone who can’t improve in some area or another so trust me, I’m not putting you down. My goal is to help you look up and decide to pick yourself up. Come on now. You can do it.

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A Piece of Quiet

Sometime after my daughter was born (26 years ago), I would mention needing some peace and quiet. I don’t remember which child it was (I’m thinking my middle child, now 28 years old), but somewhere along the way I realized he thought I was saying I needed a “piece of quiet”. Well, that’s kind of the same thing. In a noisy, active house of 3 kids, you can imagine that this mom could use a piece of quiet.

I craved it so much that I actually got up at 5 a.m. each day even though my children didn’t get up until 7. Crazy, right? Well, you have to understand. I had become more active in church and had learned about Ladies’ Bible Study. I joined the group – they had free childcare! – and the study we were doing required 45 minutes a day for homework. In addition, I desired to start learning how to have a “Quiet Time”, a structured time of prayer and Bible reading. The only way I knew to do that was to get up before my kiddos – and I’ve pretty consistently stuck to that for 26 years (though not always at 5 a.m).

I would love to tell you that I always do it and that I never get distracted by Facebook or looking at random newsfeed stories, but well, that wouldn’t be true. What is true is that the more I allow myself consistent quiet time and time for prayer and Bible reading, the more I resist social media, t.v., games, chores, reading the news and focus on my own thoughts, listening to instrumental music, writing, journaling my prayers – the more I do all of these things, the more productive I am and the calmer I feel.

This morning I was distracted by many things. First of all, I stayed up late last night and as a result slept in this morning (6:45 a.m. is late when you normally rise before 6!). When I finally got out of bed, I was groggy and slow moving. In this state, I don’t make the best choices and went straight to Facebook to “wake up”. Hello, black hole! Next, I was caught off-guard by realizing it was time for me to check in with my coach. Before that call was finished, my granddaughter was up (they’re visiting for the weekend) and I was ready to engage with her. All of that meant that it was 9 a.m. before I realized I’d yet to be still and acknowledge God or ponder my own thoughts and plans. Sigh. Hello, human nature!

Do I get it right all the time? No! Do you? I know that you don’t. What I try to do is look for the lesson, the gift. Today it is a check-in with my soul. I need a piece of quiet. I do. Every day. That time I take in the morning is one of the greatest gifts I give myself and it also a gift to those I love and serve. It’s here in this quiet space that I recalibrate. It’s here that I have time to think. It’s here that ideas are born and motivation is generated. It’s here that my soul finds rest and it’s here that I can hear the still, small voice of the Most High.

Steps to Finding Your Own Piece of Quiet

1 – Get up early. It may take a little work to get to where you want to be, but you can begin by getting up 15 mins earlier than normal and go from there.

2 – Steal away during the day for a mental break and check-in. Heather Jones recommends a 1-minute check-in every hour. Set an alarm on your phone and just ask yourself how you’re doing – do you need water? Are you in need of a healthy snack? Do you need to move? Stretch and prepare to refocus.

3 – Go to bed earlier. Rachel Hollis says she gets in bed every night at 7:30 to read and focus. That’s why she’s so productive! That may not be what you want but what about limiting social media at night? Turning off the t.v. 30 minutes before bedtime? No t.v. in your bedroom? Setting your phone on “Do Not Disturb”? Mine is set for no interruptions between 10 pm and 7 am.

4 – Feed your soul daily. “Give us this day our daily bread” indicates our need for God’s provision daily.

5 – Journal – make time to journal regularly. I journal prayers and thankfulness. I’m a perpetual notetaker.

6 – Go for a walk. A gentle stroll or power walk – either has the ability to give you time to think and reconnect.

7 – Plug In! I know we often advocate unplugging and with good reason. However, in a noisy environment, you can use earphones to put the sounds in your ear that are uplifting, calming, motivating – whatever you need. I love listening to Hawaiian music on Pandora!

8 – Set aside an hour a day to work on your most pressing goals. This comes from Rachel Hollis and her Rise Conference. If it’s important to you, you must make time to make it happen. Period.

9 – Hire a sitter, go to a coffee shop, sit in your car – I often take 10 minutes or so before heading into the grocery store to catch up on things and think.

10 – Teach others to honor your quiet spaces and times. You are allowed to be “off limits” sometimes. Really! Timers work well for little children, as do closed doors when someone else is there to supervise.

Start taking a regular "piece of quiet"time and see what happens. I find I have more time and energy for others when I do.

Coaching By Stephanie