This morning I spent some time in prayer thinking back over
some of what I’ve been through the last few years. I am not going to recount all
of the details here, but suffice it to say, I have weathered some storms. Some
better than others, to be sure, but nonetheless, I am here today and find
myself on solid ground. I’m less naïve, and that means wiser in some ways. In
my prayer time, I was giving thanks for the journey. In fact, I found myself
giving thanks for the actual storm(s).
Once upon a time I lived in Hawaii. Now, before I tell the
story I’m here to tell, let me just tell you a little bit about living in
Hawaii. To say it was awesome and leave it at that would be a gross understatement
and leaving me sounding shallow. However, it was, indeed, awesome. I’ve heard that some people don’t like living there. In
fact, I remember visiting, having the time of my life and saying as I left, “It’s
beautiful, but I don’t think I could live here.” (There’s a whole message brewing
in my head right now about how we deny ourselves dreams.) I was wrong! Living
in Hawaii was fabulous. I believe part of the reason I loved it so much was
that I determined to love it before I ever got there. You see, we didn’t choose
it, the Air Force chose it for us but I knew it was a dream many would long for
and so I decided to make the most of it. And I did.
 |
| Bellows AS, Windward Oahu |
When I got to Hawaii, I started enjoying the beaches and the
beauty of the mauka (mountains) right away. One week after we arrived, my
husband had to travel (and my kids weren’t there yet) so I found myself alone,
more or less, to explore. I had a very good friend living there, so we did some
things together, but I also did things totally on my own. I drove myself around
a big part of the island, along the water one Sunday, holding up my camera as I
drove and clicking, hoping I’d catch some of the magnificence as I drove.
Another evening, I drove to another part of the island and ended up in a very
remote feeling area surrounded by mountains streaming waterfalls. It was
amazing. I loved it all. I loved walking along the water. I loved hiking
(eventually – I had to get in better shape to enjoy that). I loved snorkeling
and soaking up the sunshine. Someone once told me I was a local girl. I wasn’t
really that immersed, but I tried to be. I treasure that compliment from a true
local.
One of the things I did while living in Hawaii was take
sailing lessons. There’s a famous group of female instructors at Hickam Air
Force Base called “The Wet Hens” and they’ve maintained sailing classes in Hickam
Harbor since the 1960’s. It used to be by women for women, but men are allowed
in the classes now. There’s a story that a bunch of military wives were hanging
out at what is now called “Foster’s Point” and the beach area when it was being
created and the Harbor Master (Foster) said, “What am I going to do with all
you wet hens?”. He taught them to sail and thus began the famous sailing group.
I’d been told I had to do it and so eventually I gathered up enough courage to enroll in a class.
I had some fun times on the water. I was never a great sailor
– primarily because when it got “sporty”, I got intimidated. I liked it calm,
the way it looks in movies. Here’s the thing about calm. If there’s not enough
wind, you don’t move. Sailors need some wind to go. When it’s too still you
have to nudge your boat along until you hit a little puff of wind. No wind. No
go.
 |
| After a "sunset sail" along Waikiki |
Now some people love it quite windy. I’ve done that and made
it through, but it wasn’t necessarily pretty. I wasn’t too confident (or even
confident at all) about my ability to jibe. I didn’t remember in the moment the
necessity of slow, controlled moving of the boom. It was high wind day and it
was one of my early times on the water without a more experienced sailor onboard.
We started into the jibe and I let the wind grab that sail and yank the boom
across in an uncontrolled way that snapped us into a C-jibe (no Bueno) and
would’ve capsized us if not for the 400 lb keel. It was rough! It scared me and
maybe scarred me a little. Ok, it scarred me a lot. But, some love that kind of
adventure. They embrace the challenging days on the water because they know it
makes them a better sailor. I can appreciate that more now, but then it just
felt like failure.
 |
| Hiking on Kauai |
This morning as I remembered my storm(s) – I say “storm(s)”
because I’m not sure if it was a series of storms or one big one that lasted a
few years – but as I remembered, I recalled the story of Jesus and the
disciples out on a boat in rough seas. My pen was dancing around the question, “Was
I in a storm because I was out of God’s will or because I had to go through the
storm to get where I am? Or both?”. I hovered over this quite a while and then
mused, “Would I have had the storms if I was following Jesus?” The answer in my
soul was a resounding
yes!
Mark
4:35-41 New International Version (NIV)
Jesus
Calms the Storm
 |
| Recreational Outrigger Paddling Hickam Harbor |
35 That day when evening came, he
said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36 Leaving
the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There
were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall
came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus
was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to
him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and
said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was
completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, “Why
are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
41 They were terrified and asked each
other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”
 |
| The Big Island of Hawaii |
You can be walking (or sailing) closely with Jesus. He can
be right there in your boat and you can run into or get caught up in a
dangerous, life-threatening storm. And sometimes, He’s sleeping in your boat,
seemingly unaware of what you’re going through. But here’s what we forget, He
can calm the storm. Does that irritate you a little? Or a lot? I get that! If Jesus
can calm the storm, why is He letting me go through this? Oh, I’ve felt that. I’ve felt the panic as I tried to wake the
slumbering Lord. I’ve felt the sense of desertion even though He was right
there. All I’ve been able to grasp in my mind is that if Jesus allows the
storm, He has a reason. He’s going to use that to teach me, to grow some
spiritual muscle in me. That very storm and seeing Jesus’ calm in the midst of
it, may be there very thing that enables me to glorify Him or help another in
the midst of their storm. I just don’t believe God wastes our storms. And yes,
like the disciples, we can be walking closely with Jesus and still face a
storm.
 |
| Bellows AS, Windward Oahu |
I needed that reminder today. My life storms can make me
question my faith at times. But sometimes, here’s the kicker, sometimes you
face the storm
because you are following
Jesus. The disciples were in that particular boat at that particular time
because they were traveling with Him. This
reassures me. It tells me that the things I’ve been through had a purpose. And
now? Well, now I’m getting to enjoy the calm. The beauty of life after the storm.
There will certainly be more storms in my future, but today I’m going to take
in the view I get to enjoy
because I
survived the storm.
Even as I write the title, I am moved by truth. Imperfection is actually perfect. It blows me away to fully consider this. I am, by far, the most imperfect person I know. I can be selfish, rude, self-serving, and shallow - and that's the tip of the iceberg. I eat when I'm anxious, sad, happy, and mad. I laugh at inappropriate things and can cry at the drop of a hat. I know I'm not supposed to care what you think about me, but I do. I am guilty of things that would very likely surprise you. And this is where I am today - imperfect and in that is it's own perfection.
Oh, I know how it sounds to the most religious of you. Glorifying in my sin. Celebrating things that are wrong. But, oh my dear friend, that's not how it is at all. My sin breaks my heart. I would that I was different - so very often. I grow. I learn. And by the grace of God, I change. I like to think I improve - and I believe I do. I simply do not know how to be where I am except by where I've been. Those imperfections? Those flaws are part of the very reason I know Jesus and are surely evidence that I needed a savior. I could not, cannot overcome my weaknesses on my own. Frankly, I'm just too imperfect for that.
In a Perfect World 
