Eating Emotions

I’ve been thinking about emotional eating this morning. Now, if you’re like me, you may acknowledge that you are emotional/stress eater, but you may have mixed feelings about changing that situation. Oh, you want things to be different, but you don’t (I don’t) want to actually change. Ouch. I went right there. Right to the heart of the matter. You may feel a little ticked at me right now and may be forming an argument, but remember, I’m talking to myself as much as to you, if even to you.  Maybe it’s just me (but I don’t think so).

We – you and I – would like to be free of the negative side effects of emotional eating, mainly the weight gain, but truth be told, it also feels good. Yes, I know I’m telling the secrets. I know I’m openly admitting things that people like you and me hide from others. Can you be brave with me and look at it for a few minutes. I’ll stand here with you.

What I know to be true is that emotional eating is not so different from alcoholism. It’s just another type of substance. And, the thing is, no one really talks about the truth of emotional eating (and other substance abuse) – it feels good. It doesn’t just numb pain, it actually releases feel good sensations in the body. It has a calming effect.

I think something else is happening with emotional eating. As we stuff things into our body – and I know for me, it can feel very frantic in the moment – we are actually stuffing in emotions that we don’t want to face or deal with at the time, or even at all. We want to feel good and deny these feel bad emotions so we stuff them in. Maybe we don’t feel we have a right to feel stressed or then again, maybe we’re afraid that if we let the emotions surface we won’t be able to stop them. I know that kind of pain, maybe you do, too. So, we use food to trick ourselves into feeling good for a little while.

 

Something I’ve noticed is that society (me, you, we) use the term “emotional eater” to stifle conversation around our behavior and size, leaving others to go “O.K., she knows what’s happening,” and get off our backs. We do this “brave thing” of acknowledging our behavior – or so we think. Now we wouldn’t accept that from an alcoholic or drug abuse. We’d be all “There’s help for that”. But emotional eating doesn’t seem as “bad” or dangerous as alcohol or drug abuse.

Here's what I’m going to suggest. What if you (I) let yourself feel the stress, express the frustration and anger, allow it to surface? Oh, yes, I know how scary that can be, but what if you could find the source, the pain and just deal with it straight on instead of letting it control you? What if you took back your power instead of letting these emotions and unresolved issues control you? It’s not wrong to be angry or sad or hurt. No one said you have to be happy all the time – and if they did, they’re wrong.

Sister, brother, there is so much freedom on the other side of the fence. There are new experiences, new highs, new lows, too. It won’t feel perfect all the time and you may have to buy some Kleenex, but there is help and hope. Eating food, packing on extra weight, hiding doesn’t help in the end. It’s a false sense of better. It tricks you into thinking you’re “o.k.” and denies you the help you need.

Facing my inner critic, voices of my past, reminding myself of God’s love for me, and crying a puddle

of healing tears all have helped me in the quest to overcome emotional eating. Sometimes, I find myself back in my old ways and recognize I’m not “done” yet. I still have things to face and things to learn. And that’s o.k. My life isn’t perfect, but in my authentic (sometimes sad) self I have a lot more happiness than I ever pretended to have.

My mission today is to allow myself to feel things that don’t feel good. I’m granting myself permission to sit with anxiety a bit instead of grabbing something to numb the irritations. I’m going to remind myself that I’m safe and loved. I will feel my emotions, but I won’t let them rule me. I have a new loving place to dwell. Will you join me? 

How to Feel Thinner Immediately

I have tried all sorts of things through the years to be thinner, smaller, and more fit. As many as I’ve tried, there are still many more that I haven’t. The Thigh Master – never tried it. Suzanne Somers almost convinced me, but still managed not to. The Ab Roller – hmm. Nope. How about you? Have you jumped on band wagon after band wagon trying to feel thinner or be thinner? Most of us have. It’s the thing we’re supposed to do.

Now, hear me loud and clear. I’m all for taking care of yourself. In fact, I’m more committed to this endeavor than ever before. My life is a gift from God and I, increasingly, believe I have a responsibility to steward that gift well. I'm thankful for my body and I want to take care of it.  I haven’t always, but then I don’t know that I’ve ever thought about it quite that way before either. If I want to live long and live well, I am wise to care for this earthly dwelling and keep it strong, fit and able. After all, I don’t know what plans God may have for me that would require physical strength or fitness. I do know that I’ve neglected my body through the years and it’s cost me. My physical limitations made many things difficult and I was in a lot of pain as well. I’m sure it limited what I could say “Yes” to.

Back to the main point. Have you ever noticed how our perception of our bodies changes in direct proportion to the way we’re treating them? If I take a day and gorge out – eat junk, sit around, lie around – and even more so if that day extends to a week or a month, I’ve noticed that I feel fat. My actual weight doesn’t even have to change. I just perceive myself differently. Does that happen to you? I become hyper aware of my lack of fitness, my hip curves and my belly – and not in a good way. Of course, prolonged poor diet also makes one feel sluggish which doesn’t help. And it usually increases bloating. That doesn’t help my perception either. Before long, my attitude is suffering and I don’t like my reflection in the mirror. From there, a sort of spiral effect takes place and that spawns more of the unhealthy behavior that started the whole thing!

Here’s a trick. Really, I’ve found this works. I’ve tested it over and over and it really works. I stop the madness and start eating for my health. I make choices that give energy and are inarguably healthy by anyone’s standards. Instantly, I begin to feel better about myself. And almost magically, the negative impressions of myself begin to morph into good opinions. One day of good self-care with healthy thinking yields thoughts of feeling thinner and more energetic. I’ve noticed the same thing with exercise. Simply getting up from my chair and getting active instantly improves my emotional state and feelings about my body.

Yesterday, after days of increasing indulgence that eventually became detrimental versus fun ( i.e. eating when I wasn’t hungry, gorging on fattening treats even with a stomach ache), I felt awful. I felt less attractive. I felt disappointed in myself. I felt unhealthy. I finally decided enough was enough and reminded myself that I have the complete power to choose differently. My choices were mine and mine alone and I knew that I could turn that old train around. Furthermore, I knew I deserved it. I stopped the madness first by owning my decisions. I wrote a “Dear Diary” blog that I may share one day and admitted how unkindly I’d been treating myself. I accepted responsibility for my choices. Next, I made the plan to choose healthy food for dinner and get myself right back on my normal eating plan. I had a grilled meat dinner with steamed asparagus. Plain and simple. And do you know what? Instantly all of those bad feelings, even the physical ones went away. I immediately felt thinner and more importantly, I felt proud of my decision. This morning it was easy to make healthy choices.

Try it. Try making your next choice a choice that serves your best health. It’s not about “diet” or even “working out”. It’s about you and your value. It’s about self-care which starts with self-love. Only you can take care of yourself, sister. One decision at a time. One meal at a time. Your life is a gift. Are you treating it as such?

Tips on Feeling Thinner

1) Own your choices.

2) Accept responsibility.

3) Be thankful for your life and your body.

4) Stop the madness.

5) Make the next choice a healthy one.

6) Start now!

I waited my whole life to feel good about myself

I’m sitting here, one foot propped on my patio table, wearing a cheap pink, bendable, cowboy hat with an even cheaper rhinestone band, wondering when I first felt less than. When did I begin to feel not pretty enough, not smart enough, not rich enough? Well, let’s be real, we weren’t rich at all. But when and better yet, why, did that awareness creep in and start to infect my sense of self-worth?

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One of my first truly embarrassing moments happened when I was no more than six years old. It was on the school playground. Like all the other little girls in 1968, I had on a proper little school dress. My dresses usually had big white collars and mama joked that she always knew what I’d had for lunch because it was all over my collar. It must’ve been early in first grade. A group of us were playing on the Jungle Jim (Gym?) and I decided to do my great “hang upside down” trick. All of a sudden, a group of boys started cackling hysterically, pointing and yelling about being able to see my underwear. Maybe that was it. I don’t recall shame or embarrassment before then.

I remember not liking this photo at all
and feeling bad about myself.

Maybe it was the time my mom was swimsuit shopping. She was still in her twenties and I thought she was beautiful.She was  beautiful! I don’t remember everything about that shopping trip, but I do remember her complaining and being upset about herself. Maybe it was then.

Or did it happen through a series of events? Mom not liking her knees. Me deciding and saying that I didn’t like my knees – in sixth grade, when I was slim and had on an adorable brown denim mini skirt with a butterfly applique.

I don’t know when it began. I don’t know how it was perpetuated.  All I know is that for my entire adult life and a good many years before then I didn’t feel good about myself. I felt good about certain things about myself but not me so much. And I’m pretty sure I thought it would be detrimental and possibly even unchristian to actually like myself. Unladylike. Improper.

I liked my smile. I thought I could be funny. I used to like my overall shape but I also thought I was too overweight for a bikini on my honeymoon. (I was a size 10 and quite fit.) I was a dancer. I was a swimmer and a lifeguard. Looking back, I'd even say I was pretty cute, too. I remember people commented on my looks. Men looked at me. But I didn’t feel worthy. The boys I liked liked other girls more. While trying to be seen, I also tried to hide.


I know I was reasonably smart. I made decent grades and was a leader. Still, I didn't feel accepted or popular. Why? And it's funny because I hung out with a pretty popular group and they were smart, too. I was able to skip my Senior year and start college instead, but that made me feel lucky, not smart. I could sing, but didn't rate myself well compared to others. 

The story is complicated. It took a few turns. Some good, some not so much. In my search for acceptance, in my desperate state, I got involved with someone who abused me emotionally. As a result, I let myself believe a pack of lies. My husband has done everything he knows to reassure me and yet for most of our marriage, I’ve felt unworthy of his love and attention. I was continuing the abuse myself, judging myself for being abused and denying myself the love I deserved ... from me.

My absolute favorite outfit these days! 

I could write a book about all the details, but my guess is you already know a lot of them, for it’s your story, too. Blame doesn’t fix it and losing weight without addressing the other issues will most likely be temporary. At the end of the day, you have to get to the point where you can see your strengths and applaud them. Take note of your weaknesses and work around them. Find someone who can help you unravel the lies and see the truth that you are valuable just like you are. That's my goal today. I want to speak truth into your life and urge you to stop abusing yourself. I want to loosen some of the strongholds on you and say, "Get free! Love yourself!". 

Somehow, in what feels like a miraculous chain of events that includes those things I just mentioned, I gained the determination to let me out of my prison. I have been letting my excess weight go. I feel secure in myself and safe. I don't need the weight to protect me any longer. I have let go of the need for others to approve of me (mostly). I have found joy in trying new things and answering my calling. And just this week, I looked in the mirror and realized I like me for the very first time in my life and I’m almost 57 years old. That's a long time to wait to like yourself, people. God loves you - as you are. The least you can do is love yourself. Sure, you're flawed. We all are. But tell me this, how can you expect others to love you if you don't even love yourself? 

Still can't believe how much has changed -
and it doesn't all show in the mirror!

So, what about you? Could you maybe just decide to start today? Stop judging yourself so harshly and start approving of yourself. Stop measuring your value by your clothing size or your weight and start looking on the inside – where God judges us. Stop punishing yourself and start rewarding yourself.

I implore you to find a new way. 57 years is too long to wait. In fact, one more minute spent hating on yourself is too much. Stop it and START discovering how very awesome you are!