Eating Emotions

I’ve been thinking about emotional eating this morning. Now, if you’re like me, you may acknowledge that you are emotional/stress eater, but you may have mixed feelings about changing that situation. Oh, you want things to be different, but you don’t (I don’t) want to actually change. Ouch. I went right there. Right to the heart of the matter. You may feel a little ticked at me right now and may be forming an argument, but remember, I’m talking to myself as much as to you, if even to you.  Maybe it’s just me (but I don’t think so).

We – you and I – would like to be free of the negative side effects of emotional eating, mainly the weight gain, but truth be told, it also feels good. Yes, I know I’m telling the secrets. I know I’m openly admitting things that people like you and me hide from others. Can you be brave with me and look at it for a few minutes. I’ll stand here with you.

What I know to be true is that emotional eating is not so different from alcoholism. It’s just another type of substance. And, the thing is, no one really talks about the truth of emotional eating (and other substance abuse) – it feels good. It doesn’t just numb pain, it actually releases feel good sensations in the body. It has a calming effect.

I think something else is happening with emotional eating. As we stuff things into our body – and I know for me, it can feel very frantic in the moment – we are actually stuffing in emotions that we don’t want to face or deal with at the time, or even at all. We want to feel good and deny these feel bad emotions so we stuff them in. Maybe we don’t feel we have a right to feel stressed or then again, maybe we’re afraid that if we let the emotions surface we won’t be able to stop them. I know that kind of pain, maybe you do, too. So, we use food to trick ourselves into feeling good for a little while.

 

Something I’ve noticed is that society (me, you, we) use the term “emotional eater” to stifle conversation around our behavior and size, leaving others to go “O.K., she knows what’s happening,” and get off our backs. We do this “brave thing” of acknowledging our behavior – or so we think. Now we wouldn’t accept that from an alcoholic or drug abuse. We’d be all “There’s help for that”. But emotional eating doesn’t seem as “bad” or dangerous as alcohol or drug abuse.

Here's what I’m going to suggest. What if you (I) let yourself feel the stress, express the frustration and anger, allow it to surface? Oh, yes, I know how scary that can be, but what if you could find the source, the pain and just deal with it straight on instead of letting it control you? What if you took back your power instead of letting these emotions and unresolved issues control you? It’s not wrong to be angry or sad or hurt. No one said you have to be happy all the time – and if they did, they’re wrong.

Sister, brother, there is so much freedom on the other side of the fence. There are new experiences, new highs, new lows, too. It won’t feel perfect all the time and you may have to buy some Kleenex, but there is help and hope. Eating food, packing on extra weight, hiding doesn’t help in the end. It’s a false sense of better. It tricks you into thinking you’re “o.k.” and denies you the help you need.

Facing my inner critic, voices of my past, reminding myself of God’s love for me, and crying a puddle

of healing tears all have helped me in the quest to overcome emotional eating. Sometimes, I find myself back in my old ways and recognize I’m not “done” yet. I still have things to face and things to learn. And that’s o.k. My life isn’t perfect, but in my authentic (sometimes sad) self I have a lot more happiness than I ever pretended to have.

My mission today is to allow myself to feel things that don’t feel good. I’m granting myself permission to sit with anxiety a bit instead of grabbing something to numb the irritations. I’m going to remind myself that I’m safe and loved. I will feel my emotions, but I won’t let them rule me. I have a new loving place to dwell. Will you join me? 

Decisions, Decisions – Breaking through the constipation of the mind

I’m sure I’m not the only one this happens to and I’m pretty sure it’s happened to you. If not, then terrific. Be thankful! The issue I’m talking about is that point where things just feel out of whack but you don’t know what to do. You want a change and don’t know how to get it. Or you know but are resisting the do. It’s that tension that lies in between one thing and your next best thing. What leads to this tension, this discord and how can you fix it? How can you find the confidence to take your next step?

Clarity

Lack of clarity impedes progress. You cannot get where you want to go when you don’t even know where you’re going. Gaining clarity gives focus and is a major contributor to action. Clarity of purpose. Clarity of identity. Clarity of end goals. Some people have more clarity around their issues than other people and make the leap seemingly effortlessly. They feel the discord, examine it, determine and action step and leap!  They have clarity. They know where they are going. They may be unclear as to the path but know the one they’re on won’t lead them to their desired destination so they leap off one path and onto another. They are fueled by the clarity of their mission. They trust themselves to work out the details later. Others of us lack that clarity and so we resist change. They say, “A confused mind does nothing.” If this is you, there are some things that can help lead to greater clarity and help you know what to do.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a great tool for starting this process. Do you feel that sense of discord I mentioned? Are you experiencing a sense of being misfit for your situation? Do you sense a holy dissatisfaction? Are you misaligned with your goals and dreams? Do you feel burdened? Are you lacking joy? Is your ego constantly engaged but rarely your heart? A head/heart examination may be in order! Our logical mind wants safety, security, sameness. Our heart engages with passions and calling. Which one is in charge of your choices? Learning to be self-aware is powerful particularly in decision-making. When you learn to recognize the misalignment, you can begin to evaluate alternative paths. You must know where you’re going and rightly assess your positioning in terms of the desired result.

Commitment

Knowing what you are committed to is intensely valuable. Are you more committed to staying where you are (even if it’s “wrong”) or to your mission and purpose? Are you more committed to pleasing others or doing what’s best for you? Are you more committed to resisting change or personal growth? The truth is, staying where you are and doing what you’ve always done is rarely good for your personal development. Picture a stagnant stream. The stream used to flow freely and was vibrant. When it becomes dammed up, the stream just barely trickles through and the stagnant water becomes unhealthy, toxic. Another image that comes to mind is a roller coaster. It can move forward on its own momentum for a time but without a forward charge of some sort will eventually move backwards when the climb becomes steep. The point is no commitment to new action could leave you stagnant and eventually backsliding. When fully committed to the end destination, as best you see it now, you will be compelled to take action.

Values

Once you become aware of a misalignment and are committed to your destination and purpose, it’s time to identify what’s wrong. Your personal values may hold the key. Coaches can help with all of these areas but are particularly helpful in assisting your discovery and definition of your core values. If you are out of alignment in your core values, dissatisfaction is sure to reign and you will find yourself frustrated, aggravated and in a state of self-sabotage. Good news! It doesn’t have to stay that way! Gaining understanding around your actual core values (versus what you may be telling yourself they are) can move you towards a clear decision in an instant. This is one of my most effective and as a result, favorite coaching tools. Your brain will not let you be genuinely satisfied with things that do not align with your true values. Values win over logic every time.

Urgency

What if there is a deadline to your dreams? What if change is only possible in a certain time frame? What if – man! What if someone needs you on the next path and you refuse to leap? I recently had a coaching session with a woman dealing with making a major career change and walked her across an imagnary bridge. I urged her to look at the end of the bridge and see the people that she may be uniquely qualified to help. Refusing to go to them, to help them really isn’t even a possibility for this woman. If you add in a sense of time urgency, the willingness to go multiplies. None of us is guaranteed a long life. None of us have an infinite amount of time to complete our purpose. There are things that will not, do not wait for us to become “perfect” or “good enough”. We must leap into action now or risk missing work that is intended for us.

Trust

This cuts to the quick of the problem. It’s so often a trust issue. We don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust God. We feel inadequate, incapable. This is where I often remind people that it is God who supplies us, equips us. In our weakness He is strong. We are not expected to be perfect. We are called to action when God is ready for us to act – not think about acting. I’m not suggesting reckless behavior but rather trust that we can do what we feel called to do. Nothing more, but also nothing less. To not act is to actually put full focus on ourselves. I believe it’s a type of self-deceit, a type of arrogance – that we even can do it ourselves. We cannot. However, each of us is fully qualified to do what God has called us to do in each moment. He has put a call on my heart to serve people through life-coaching. I trust Him to bring me those whom I’m able to serve now and at the same time, I continue to study and develop my skills so that I can serve others later. I trust myself to be able to carry out that which I’ve learned up to this point and discern where I need more advice and education. You, too, are enough to do what God wants you to do today. You can trust that.

I’m not suggesting this a complete list, but hopefully, it’s a start. If you’re experiencing a constant awareness of dissatisfaction, be honest with yourself. Get clear on your purpose and goals. Take a head/heart assessment. Examine what you’re actually committed to. Evaluate your core values. Apply a sense of urgency to the matter. Trust yourself enough to take action today. You can prepare for tomorrow.