A Most Powerful Choice

There’s a conversation going on in society around the topic of not giving up. It says things like, “success lives right around the corner from I quit” and “never, never give up”. Amen! Right on! Never give up! Keep on keepin’ on! Press on! Fight to the finish! And, sometimes, this very thought process is what will keep us held back, stuck in an endless do-loop of trying so hard to be all that we think we should be.

Now, note – I said “sometimes”. It’s true that perseverance often serves us and that quitting doesn’t. It’s true that success, real success requires moving outside of the infamous comfort zone and into new, uncomfortable, even scary, territory. Success even requires failure. Requires failure! Believe me, I’m not suggesting you don’t need to persevere when things get challenging and irritating, when you find yourself failing. That, my friend, really is very often the very sign of a breakthrough. When things get tough you can celebrate moving closer to your goals – usually.

There can be a problem though. I urge you to carefully consider if you’re actually on the path that’s right for you, best for you. What if you’re hanging onto a goal that isn’t meant for you? What if getting what you think you want will keep you from finding what is best for you? What if you’re on the wrong path or have wrong motives?

Some reasons we may need to reconsider our paths:

1.   Our goals and dreams might be interfering with God’s plan. We may have a desire to achieve something that is in opposition to what God wants for us or others. God’s plans will prevail.

2.       We may be looking for security in tangible things. Our hope may be resting in something other than God. That’s an idol. Tangible things cannot satisfy the true desires of our heart.

3.       Our motives may be much more about self than others (no matter how we word it). Speaking from experience here. It’s possible to say the right things but not actually mean them – even when we think we do.

4.       We may need to learn something on another path in order to successfully walk the one we’re currently trying to manage. Think about that. You may need a temporary detour.

Here’s the thing: sometimes we recognize it’s time to move on. We feel out of whack. Things just aren’t lining up. We might become aware that all we’re doing is running up against the same roadblock again and again, making no progress. I’m suggesting you at least consider that there may be another path at the end of that road. What does it look like? Is it for you?

My friend and fellow coach, Robin, gave a group of us a great visual this week. It’s the earth cut up into puzzle pieces. She shared that we each have our place in the world and if we don’t do our part then there’s a missing puzzle piece. That got me to thinking about spiritual gifts and ministries in the body of Christ – the church. The Bible says each believer is gifted by the Holy Spirit – given supernatural gifts for growing the body. The Bible also says that “we are [Christ’s] workmanship [poema] created for good works which He prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). And we cannot miss the truth around integrity. We can fall out of integrity with God and with ourselves and even with those around us. We compromise. We lose sight of things that really matter. Our priorities and values may not be aligning. All of these offer insights to reasons we may need to look at another path.

Let me ask you a question: if you knew you were actually on the wrong path, wouldn’t you want to be redirected? Wouldn’t you be willing to go after something new instead? And if that’s all true, can’t you stop beating up on yourself and judging your decision? Can’t you, won’t you, stop letting others rent space in your brain over your choice? Choosing a new path that serves you, God, your family, the world better is a powerful choice. If it feels dicey, I think that’s the time to press in. I think that’s the time to bring up the quotes from the beginning of this article. Choosing a new path is not the same as giving up.  – Yeah, I’m totally talking to myself. If it serves you, too, then that’s awesome.

Decisions, Decisions – Breaking through the constipation of the mind

I’m sure I’m not the only one this happens to and I’m pretty sure it’s happened to you. If not, then terrific. Be thankful! The issue I’m talking about is that point where things just feel out of whack but you don’t know what to do. You want a change and don’t know how to get it. Or you know but are resisting the do. It’s that tension that lies in between one thing and your next best thing. What leads to this tension, this discord and how can you fix it? How can you find the confidence to take your next step?

Clarity

Lack of clarity impedes progress. You cannot get where you want to go when you don’t even know where you’re going. Gaining clarity gives focus and is a major contributor to action. Clarity of purpose. Clarity of identity. Clarity of end goals. Some people have more clarity around their issues than other people and make the leap seemingly effortlessly. They feel the discord, examine it, determine and action step and leap!  They have clarity. They know where they are going. They may be unclear as to the path but know the one they’re on won’t lead them to their desired destination so they leap off one path and onto another. They are fueled by the clarity of their mission. They trust themselves to work out the details later. Others of us lack that clarity and so we resist change. They say, “A confused mind does nothing.” If this is you, there are some things that can help lead to greater clarity and help you know what to do.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a great tool for starting this process. Do you feel that sense of discord I mentioned? Are you experiencing a sense of being misfit for your situation? Do you sense a holy dissatisfaction? Are you misaligned with your goals and dreams? Do you feel burdened? Are you lacking joy? Is your ego constantly engaged but rarely your heart? A head/heart examination may be in order! Our logical mind wants safety, security, sameness. Our heart engages with passions and calling. Which one is in charge of your choices? Learning to be self-aware is powerful particularly in decision-making. When you learn to recognize the misalignment, you can begin to evaluate alternative paths. You must know where you’re going and rightly assess your positioning in terms of the desired result.

Commitment

Knowing what you are committed to is intensely valuable. Are you more committed to staying where you are (even if it’s “wrong”) or to your mission and purpose? Are you more committed to pleasing others or doing what’s best for you? Are you more committed to resisting change or personal growth? The truth is, staying where you are and doing what you’ve always done is rarely good for your personal development. Picture a stagnant stream. The stream used to flow freely and was vibrant. When it becomes dammed up, the stream just barely trickles through and the stagnant water becomes unhealthy, toxic. Another image that comes to mind is a roller coaster. It can move forward on its own momentum for a time but without a forward charge of some sort will eventually move backwards when the climb becomes steep. The point is no commitment to new action could leave you stagnant and eventually backsliding. When fully committed to the end destination, as best you see it now, you will be compelled to take action.

Values

Once you become aware of a misalignment and are committed to your destination and purpose, it’s time to identify what’s wrong. Your personal values may hold the key. Coaches can help with all of these areas but are particularly helpful in assisting your discovery and definition of your core values. If you are out of alignment in your core values, dissatisfaction is sure to reign and you will find yourself frustrated, aggravated and in a state of self-sabotage. Good news! It doesn’t have to stay that way! Gaining understanding around your actual core values (versus what you may be telling yourself they are) can move you towards a clear decision in an instant. This is one of my most effective and as a result, favorite coaching tools. Your brain will not let you be genuinely satisfied with things that do not align with your true values. Values win over logic every time.

Urgency

What if there is a deadline to your dreams? What if change is only possible in a certain time frame? What if – man! What if someone needs you on the next path and you refuse to leap? I recently had a coaching session with a woman dealing with making a major career change and walked her across an imagnary bridge. I urged her to look at the end of the bridge and see the people that she may be uniquely qualified to help. Refusing to go to them, to help them really isn’t even a possibility for this woman. If you add in a sense of time urgency, the willingness to go multiplies. None of us is guaranteed a long life. None of us have an infinite amount of time to complete our purpose. There are things that will not, do not wait for us to become “perfect” or “good enough”. We must leap into action now or risk missing work that is intended for us.

Trust

This cuts to the quick of the problem. It’s so often a trust issue. We don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust God. We feel inadequate, incapable. This is where I often remind people that it is God who supplies us, equips us. In our weakness He is strong. We are not expected to be perfect. We are called to action when God is ready for us to act – not think about acting. I’m not suggesting reckless behavior but rather trust that we can do what we feel called to do. Nothing more, but also nothing less. To not act is to actually put full focus on ourselves. I believe it’s a type of self-deceit, a type of arrogance – that we even can do it ourselves. We cannot. However, each of us is fully qualified to do what God has called us to do in each moment. He has put a call on my heart to serve people through life-coaching. I trust Him to bring me those whom I’m able to serve now and at the same time, I continue to study and develop my skills so that I can serve others later. I trust myself to be able to carry out that which I’ve learned up to this point and discern where I need more advice and education. You, too, are enough to do what God wants you to do today. You can trust that.

I’m not suggesting this a complete list, but hopefully, it’s a start. If you’re experiencing a constant awareness of dissatisfaction, be honest with yourself. Get clear on your purpose and goals. Take a head/heart assessment. Examine what you’re actually committed to. Evaluate your core values. Apply a sense of urgency to the matter. Trust yourself enough to take action today. You can prepare for tomorrow.