How Needy are You? (And why it doesn't serve anyone)

How needy are you? How much is your sense of self-worth, success, or personal value tied to the opinions of others: husband/wife, boss, cool group of peers, your mom, your dad? How much do you feel the need to succeed so you can feel worth something? Do you find yourself wishing for more but feel helpless to get it? Are you always striving but never arriving?

Ohhhhh, how I get it! I've lived it. I've lived lots of life trying to feel important: to me, to God, to others. I can hear you now, "Stephanie, I don't do that. Sorry for you, though, sister.". Are you sure? I mean it.I know I'm poking you and I know it feels crummy, but if I let this go, I don't serve you.

It's possible that you, like me not so long ago, are walking around with a big cup decorated with dreams and hopes and desires that you want to share, impart and impact with but your cup has nothing in it. The desires and dreams are real, but your cup of self-worth only has a dribble in it.  Sister, you need a full cup to have enough to share.

You've read and agreed with the thought, "You can't pour from an empty cup.". Well,  then what? And, though we intellectually agree with the notion (the truth), we keep trying anyway. We just shake the cup harder. "POUR! POUR! BLESS THE PEOPLE! MAKE ME SUCCESSFUL!". OK, maybe I'm being too hard, maybe it's not you, maybe it's just me. But, since you're still  here reading, I'll continue my message. . .

Secret message: Everyone you're trying to bless with water (or coffee), all the thirsty people, can see that your cup is empty. 

Here's the kicker. Not only can they tell your cup is empty, they know you're the one who needs water. They feel obligated to try and fill your cup. But remember, the people you're trying to serve need water too. How then can they fill your cup? They see you're desperate, but they know their own cup is empty or at least low, so they run. They hide. They move away from you, not because they don't care or don't want to help you, but because they do and they know they cannot give you what you need.

Another thought comes to mind --- if you don't even know your cup is empty, will you even be able to or open to receiving the gift of water when it comes to you? Or will you waste it?

I've been reading a book that's been on my list for years: Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of  Highly Effective  People.  He puts into words the truth I seek to share here. Read it. For real. Dependent people cannot shortcut their way to independence or interdependence. The only way for dependent people (needy is my word) to truly become independent and aspire to interdependence is to take care of their own needs. (Totally paraphrased some high thought here.)

You can't pour from an empty cup. You have to fill your own cup first if you want to give to others. 

Secret message: When you care for yourself and learn to manage yourself by filling your own cup, you then have enough to share. The best part? Others see it. They know. Very thirsty people will come to you and it's ok because you have plenty to share. Your cup runneth over! Not only that, others with full cups will share what's in their cup with you! It's true! 

Nothing is more attractive than a person whose cup is full and overflowing. Everyone wants in on that! People are searching for that!

Dear friend, fill  your cup. Fill  that cup with lots of  Jesus. Fill  that cup with love for yourself. Fill that cup with nurturing self-care. You do it. Stop looking to everyone else to do it. They're trying to fill their own cups. 

How do  you fill your cup? You must make time. You must be intentional. And it must be regular and daily. You do the inner work. Covey teaches 3 habits that move you from dependence to independence: 1) Be proactive. 2) Start with the end in mind. 3) Put first things first.

In first aid we're taught to take care of our safety first. The same holds true in life. If all you do is care for others and you never care for yourself, you're gonna be offering others a cup full of nothing. How much better to fill your own cup so you have something to share!