It’s Mother’s Day. A time to celebrate all the mothers and
give them honor. A day filled with flowers and brunches. Dresses and bows in
the hair. Gifts purchased long in advance and some in the last minute. Church
pews filled with families looking radiant and bright.
And in the midst of all the celebrations, the cards, the
flowers are broken hearts and mothers missed. Empty wombs and tears held in. Among
the pews and in the restaurants are mothers being celebrated who are at their
wits end. Mothers who aren’t particularly good. Great mothers who feel horrible
over secrets they’ve kept to themselves. Mothers who lost their temper this
week or last, some who cried all night. Mothers whose husbands just left this
earth, trying to figure it out alone. Mothers who never had a husband for
support.
We package it up so pretty the second Sunday in May. Every
family looks perfect on Mother’s Day. And you might feel like the only broken,
hurting one. It’s not true. Others are in pain too – some barely keeping it
together. I want to hold your face in my hands as I speak to you…
Being a mother is hard at times. Not being a mother is hard,
too. Losing a mother is hard. Being a single mother is hard. I’m talking to all
of you.
I admire you and value you – just like you are. Life is so
very, very precious. If you’ve given life to another and sometimes feel like a
total failure or long for a weekend (or moment) alone, I remember feeling that
way, too. If you’ve expected a baby that didn’t survive, I’ve felt that too. The
baby I miscarried was due day before yesterday. I remember the loss and how it
wasn’t even talked about – barely acknowledged. And today, for the second year,
I face Mother’s Day without my own mother, so that’s another layer to this day
full of emotion.
So here is what I’m slowly getting around to. Enjoy this day
for what it is and find comfort in knowing no one’s life is perfect no matter
what you read on Facebook today. But even so, Mother’s Day can be a beautiful
day and I challenge you to find the joy. Celebrate your own mother if she is
alive still and give thanks for her. No matter how toxic the relationship, know
that she gave up much for you – even if she didn’t mother well. (Or if you didn’t
child well.) Celebrate the other mothers around you, even if you’re missing the
joy of motherhood yourself. Know that as wonderful as motherhood is, it comes
with great sacrifice. So many young mothers are struggling and they all wonder
if they’re “doing it right”. You can be
an encouragement to them and maybe offer some help.
Someone did that for my daughter this week. With her husband
gone for Army training for the month, first her 1 year old, then she, were
struck with a stomach bug. A friend from church came along side, took her
little one home with her, kept her for the night and took care of her until my
daughter was able. That was a gift!
I’m so thankful for my role as “Mom”. I did a lot wrong, but
hopefully, I did some things right, too. I have 3 kids who are grown and
married and am blessed with 2 granddaughters so far. When I see the life around
me, it’s a bit easier to cope with the losses. It’s where I choose to put my
focus.
Today I miss my mom but don’t feel the stabs of grief. I’m
thankful for the time I had with her, the way she’d pat my hand, the phone
calls, the things she gave up so that we could have the things we did.
It’s Mother’s Day and while it may be painful for you, I
pray that you can find thankfulness, too. And maybe even some joy. Search your
memories for the good times – even if they’re few. You can give thanks for your
own life. No matter what lies behind or is yet to come, you have life because
someone mothered you. And good or bad, it all led to who you are. You can
celebrate.
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