The Gift of Failure

Recently, I had a great privilege to partake in a coaching certification program. This gathering of people who share the passion and desire to help others transform their lives occurs a couple of times a year and positions willing hearts to serve others in their personal life coaching businesses or in their current leadership roles. The event itself is uniquely impressive and transformational for those in attendance.

A repeated message from the creator of this course, Sean Smith, is that failure is the road we walk to success. This concept is not original but I learned it best from Sean. As he pressed through this topic in the course, he emphasized that there is value in failure and that it is often necessary, in fact, to move us from one place to another. Failure can help us learn. Failure can be an impetus for change. Failure provides a backdrop for us to increase our skillset in order to succeed. Failure is valuable and is a requirement for true success. To desire success but fear failure is to deny yourself the success you’re seeking. Bam! I could spend a great deal of time on this very point alone. *Insert lengthy discussion on the shallow, hollow achievements that came with no need to sacrifice, no need for personal growth.*

Here’s a thought: when we don’t have to work hard enough at something to fail along the way, have we really accomplished anything worth having? Isn’t that just a little like being nice to people who are nice to you? Easy. No stretch. No growth. Just a thought, not a condemnation.

Back to class … the point was made that in our failure, there are nuggets of learning – packages, if you will, that God drops along the way. The problem is most of us don’t open the packages. In fact, most of us ignore the fact that the packages even dropped and turn around and renew our efforts all over again without ever learning the lesson intended for us. And the thing is, it just makes it harder for us to reach the goal. I learned that we develop emotional scar tissue around that goal. Fascinating, isn’t it? How many times have you, like me, tried to simply apply fierce determination but never looked for the lesson? That becomes very self-focused and self-defeating. It’s so ironic. We work harder and move further from the goal.

At one point, as I sat and listened and learned, I noticed an agitation developing. It was the last day of the training. Sean was trying to finish the material and I had a comment to make (that I thought was really, really important). I raised my hand and waited for Sean to acknowledge me. I was following the rules. Waiting, waiting. Listening while others spoke up and the conversation moved on, feeling overlooked, ignored and becoming determined to be heard. As I focused more and more on my need to be heard and my sense of being ignored, my agitation grew. It pulsed inside of me. It became the only sound I heard – well, that and my own argumentative head voice. I finally spoke up – forced my way in with all of my “wisdom”. During the break, I shared my issues, confessing my irritation and frustration. I realized that I knew all along that our leader could have his own reasons for not stopping the conversation. I knew that others behind me may have had their hands raised, too. I knew I was missing the entire conversation. Ego is like that. And, during all of that personal agitation, I missed the packages. Anything that was meant for me was lost on me because I had placed my own personal goal and indignation at the forefront. I wasn’t looking for truth in that moment. I was the proverbial Me Monster, concerned only about my own desires and issues.

Sigh. It’s not fun to revisit this moment. I’m not proud of it. However, it teaches the dangers involved in getting hung up on any one point. We can be so inwardly focused on what we’re missing or how we failed or criticizing ourselves that we entirely miss the value of the moment, the lessons that are being taught. I believe my failure has some redemption in it in that I did learn from the experience. It was humbling but by choosing to look at and examine my own heart in the matter, I did learn something. I picked up a package and opened it. Now to put it into practice.

What packages have you missed along the way? What goals have you missed? Do you keep missing the same goals? Is it possible you’ve been focusing on the failure and not seeing the benefit? If you’re missing the same goals over and over, I can bet you’re ignoring or totally missing the lessons. Perseverance is valuable. Tenacious persistence is admirable. But, what if you’re not on your best track for your life? What if you need a course correction? Failure can help provide that. What if you’re only pursing superficial, tangible goals and God is protecting you from the pain of temporary success? Our life is but a vapor – fleeting, passing like the morning mist. God is looking for more than worldly achievements. He wants us to help change the world. Your value in His eyes has nothing to do with titles, cars and big homes. God doesn’t look on the outside; He looks at the heart. His ways are quite simply not our ways. In your failures, in your heartbreak, in your losses He is there and He can use all of these things to produce growth and change. Look for the lesson – for it is a gift for your future.