What Are You Looking At?

Glad I took this one - it showed me that I missed a button! 

Ahhhhhh, the endless game of measuring our success. We want to know how we’re doing, where we need to apply pressure, if we’re doing enough. We’ve got goals, after all, and we can’t just expect them to come true on their own! People are watching, expecting, anticipating, judging. And I’m here to tell you, the one really doing all of that is you. No one is as hard on you as you – and it may be killing your dreams.

Last night I almost fell for it. I caught myself starting to chew myself out. You see, I’m on a weight reduction plan – that’s not quite accurate – I’m on a LIFE IMPROVEMENT plan that involves eating a certain way for maximum effect. Now, goal-driven person that I am, I am all in for maximum effect. I eat a certain way most all of the time and am very selective about deviations. If I’m going off-plan it has to be for a good reason and for good food. I recognize the choice is all mine.

Rivermill Event Center Columbus, GA

So, last night my husband and I attended a special event in town celebrating the grand opening of a fancy event center. I was super excited. I got dressed in a pretty black dress, put on heels and gathered my cute little evening bag filled with lipstick and debit card, just in case. (I always carry i.d., a little cash and a card, just in case. In case of what, I don’t know, but just in case.) I didn’t worry too much ahead of time about the food because I anticipated a bit of a spread and some choices. The first sign of trouble was when a speaker mentioned they weren’t able to cook onsite yet. Uh-oh – insert thought balloon with the words “That could mean trouble.”. The options were definitely limited and I was definitely hungry. I made the choice to forego my best wisdom and eat. I knew as I made that decision that it would be all right. I knew I wouldn’t be derailed from my plan. I knew that my body would be fine. I knew that it was a mere blip of time on a long journey. I knew all of that.

In spite of my awareness, I could hear my inner voice start to chastise me. I could feel myself start to fret. I could feel the anxiety rising. And I could feel my stomach bloating from the macaroni and cheese bar. (Yeah, that’s a thing apparently.)

Here’s how I stopped the downward spiral – which isn’t actual productive anyway. I reminded myself how far I’ve come. I took time in the beautiful bathroom to snap a selfie in the full-length mirror. I reminded myself where I was just a month ago, let alone 6 months ago.

Family fun day with our granddaughter! 

In a similar vein, last week my daughter snapped a picture of me from behind ---- without my knowledge. I'm sure most women can imagine my anxiety as I opened the picture. To my surprise, I absolutely loved the picture. It showed me out having fun with people I love and I could totally see the changes in my body - and I liked it. I posted it in a private group and one woman responded that she thought it great that I could look at that picture and not be discouraged. I ruffled a bit but realized she was saying that she would have difficulty seeing a picture of herself. I thought: why wouldn't I love this? What's not too love? I have no idea what I'll look like at "goal weight", but I love my progress. That keeps me going! 

About 60 lbs gone at this point.

When you choose to look at how far you’ve come instead of putting all your focus on how far you have to go, your mind engages differently. Your subconscious mind loves being congratulated on a job well-done and while it loves goals, it doesn’t respond so well to tongue lashings. By shifting my focus to how well I’ve done and how much I’ve lost, I can enjoy a sense of accomplishment that makes me want to keep going. It works that way for you, too. When you rehearse your failures, your subconscious mind kicks into high gear trying to protect you from that pain. The best way to stop the pain? Quit. Quit trying and there’s no reason to yell at yourself. Your subconscious mind has done its job.

Here’s a better way:

·         Look at how far you’ve come and congratulate yourself.

·         Determine one thing you can implement right now to improve your performance slightly – say to go from a 3 to a 4. Your subconscious mind can engage on that level.

·         Create an action plan that you can calendar and measure for that one thing.

·         Stop the overwhelm madness of all or nothing.