The Value of a Well-placed Yes (or No)

Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) 

I’ve heard it said that we are conditioned from early age to answer, “No”. Our initial response is simply no. We don’t need help in a store. We don’t want that item someone is selling. We’re busy, can’t commit to anything else. In the South, we say a lot of “No, thank you”. We also say, “Bless your heart”, but that’s another story. Truth be told, we do say “no” an awful lot and awfully easily. I recall being in stores (way more than once), looking for something specific, not knowing how the items were organized and answering “No” when asked if the sales person could help me. Yes, we say “no” a lot. Easily. Even when we mean “yes”. Puzzling, isn’t it?

By the same token, we often dole out our yeses all too easily.

“Can you help with this project?” – Yes. Without checking in with ourselves or our calendars or our families.

“Would you like some cake?” – Yes. No matter that we’re trying to reduce our weight or have diabetes or don’t like that particular person’s cake.

“Wanna sleep together [even though we just met tonight, know nothing about each other, have no intention of ever seeing each other again]?” – Yes. No matter that we’re desperately looking for a life partner or think it’s wrong or know our heart is on the rebound or that we don’t have protection.

I’m being provocative deliberately – and not just about casual sex. As I ponder this concept, I realize that the corporate we are indiscriminate, lacking discernment, impulsive. We just toss our yes and no around as if they don’t matter. Does that make us foolish? Lacking wisdom?

Here’s the heart of what I’m trying to get to… are we even available for the best things when they come along? Are we saying yes and no so quickly that we are missing the big YES moments that could change our lives or that of another?

A couple of years ago, I made a decision to say “Yes” more. I wanted to free myself from the things that didn’t really fit in my life or God’s plan (as I understood it) so that I could say “Yes” to more and better things. I wanted to say “Yes” to God more readily, to my husband, to my family, to good business opportunities, to my health choices. To be more available to the important things.

Did you catch the point? In order to say “Yes” to the best, I had to say “No” to the merely okay. This takes courage, backbone and commitment. And you can take it to the bank that when you begin to relinquish some things, there will be pushback. That’s where the backbone and commitment really come in handy. Your choices will be challenged – and not just by those around you. Your own ego and mind will challenge you as you answer to your soul.

As you begin to make discerning responses that are geared toward your highest values and callings, you will find new strength. You will find more joy in your calendar as you weed out the unimportant and add in the most important (as determined by you and God). You will find greater enthusiasm and fulfillment. You will find yourself more available to the best things God has for you.