Let's Just See

Let’s Just See …

I don’t have a planned topic this morning. I’ve thought about a lot of things and am sitting by the lake, classical violin music is playing on my phone. I hear one bird particularly among the others, his harping repetitive squawk overriding the musical notes being offered by all the others. Minnows are periodically popping above the surface of the water, trying to elude the bigger fish that is in pursuit. Meanwhile, a slight breeze creates a picture of ruffles on the water. It’s peaceful in my place and my plan is to simply follow my stream of consciousness and write.

Yesterday as I rode along my country roads in my car, I listened to Jeff Foxworthy dialogue back and forth with another comedian. Jeff asked the comedian how he tracks his potential material – how he writes the jokes he wants to incorporate into his stage act. It never occurred to me that comedians carefully craft the individual jokes through individual processes. I think I just assumed they sat down and wrote jokes that came to them. But, like many other arts, there is a creative process involved and it varies artist to artist. For instance, Jeff Foxworthy keeps 3-4 index cards in his hip pocket, literally, and when he sees or hears something that hits him as funny, he stops right then and jots it down. As he begins to actually write material, he said he always does it longhand, never on a computer. Interesting. (I am writing on a computer.)

In response to his question, his fellow comedian stated that he begins each morning journaling his stream of conscious thought and simply follows where it leads. Longhand. No agenda per se. Just writes, journals.

I can see the value of simply writing. I journal as well. My journal is also stream of consciousness now that I think about it, but for the purpose of prayer. I simply talk to God on paper. I keep another notebook nearby, as a rule, to record other thoughts, to-dos, etc as they come to me. It helps me by organizing my brainstorming. Sometimes, nothing comes of it. However, other times, the ideas fully develop into something that I implement for business or ministry.

Are you giving yourself the opportunity to think?

 

Who and What are You Listening To?

Head, heart and other input sources: Who tells you what to think?

This morning I’m sitting in my newly created “Creative Space”. That’s intended figuratively. And it’s intended literally. In case you’re unaware, in case you’re the one person I haven’t mentioned it to, in case you missed it all the other times – I’ve been on a discovery mission of finding more joy in my life by relinquishing habits, thoughts and sometimes, beliefs. Things that don’t serve me best. Oh, they may be great for you, but not for me. I’ve been so moved by the process that I’ve actually been teaching a class on the concept and highlighting things we may need to relinquish. In a nutshell, I could say that I’ve started listening to my heart. Oh, I know that the Bible says “The heart is deceitful above all things. Who can know it?”, and I don’t contradict that statement. I’m really talking about moving from my all-logical, fearful, resistant to change, self-serving head-talk into the passionate, purposeful, others-serving heart-talk. Now, it’s kind of new to me, so don’t judge too hard when you see me miss the mark. I will surely miss the mark. The thing that is really key is that as I’ve let go of some things, I’ve found the space to welcome in new things. And in that has come new creative space.

Not only, do I have a new creative heart space, I have, with my husband’s help, started creating a new physical creative space. A place that connects me to nature but stays dry (most of the time). A place that is cheerful, with party lights strung around it. A place that is separated out from the activity of the house. A place where I want to be with people – literally and figuratively – for though I am alone right now literally, I am with you, figuratively. *Warm fuzzy sensation all over.*

As if that weren’t enough, and it may have been, I’ve found even more creative space by following the leader. A teacher I admire shared with a group of us that he had adopted a new practice. He has decided to forego email, social media, music with vocals, and likely most other input sources, in the morning so that he can hear his own thoughts. So that he’s not chasing after other people’s itineraries, thoughts, urgencies all day. So that he creates his own calendar list of priorities. Radical, isn’t it? Can you imagine starting your day without anyone else telling you what to think?  With no social media arguments? With no to-do emails? With nothing added to your calendar? With no text messages? With no private messages? Imagine with me, waking up and putting on classical music… Let the scene envelope you. The peace.

Don’t you agree that we are bombarded with information 24/7? And can you admit that we let that determine so much of how our day goes and what we do? It fills our head with good things, heart things, sometimes, but mostly, it’s head things. Head knowledge. Shoulds, shouldn’ts, can’ts, won’ts, don’ts. And I believe it limits our own creativity because we cannot even hear our own thoughts --- hearts.

When I started relinquishing, one of the first things I noticed was my creativity came back. My desire to write, my desire to speak. And it felt so very good. I had lost touch with all of that in the quest to … well, in the quest. I was being driven. Even more accurately, I was allowing others to drive me. Gah! It’s so true, but it hurts me to admit it.

When I came home from “coach camp” (my nickname), I immediately implemented the new practice I’d heard about. I stopped opening social media right away. I stopped reading other people’s writings about the Bible (or anything else) early in the morning. I changed my first thing. I’ve been turning on classical music and first allowing myself to sit. Just sit (and sip coffee – I’m not thinking of relinquishing that at this time.) with no input. The only outside input I want initially is God’s and I can make the case that that is not external at all. I am learning to become sensitive to His voice and how my heart responds to it. And I’ll tell you something. I feel like my creative space expanded exponentially. I have more time  to create but more than that, I have a greater desire to create. More than my head, more than my heart, I believe I am hearing my soul. I have new ideas. I have to take notes as I ponder. My prayer journal has changed. I can hear what the Bible is saying. And as I allowed the classical music to play this morning, I heard “Chopsticks” in the Mozart. I didn’t know that was a thing. (Maybe it's not, but it sounded like it to me!)

This newly adopted practice reminds me that it’s not enough to stop something (like social media). We must add in something new. The Lord has been reminding me of this in numerous ways of late. Like the woman who swept her house clean of demons but left it empty, unattended, if we do not fill the void and take care, the demons can come back worse than before. Filling my new void with classical music inspires me and keeps me from missing what once was normal behavior. My head, heart and soul are engaged on a whole new level!

The Gift of Failure

Recently, I had a great privilege to partake in a coaching certification program. This gathering of people who share the passion and desire to help others transform their lives occurs a couple of times a year and positions willing hearts to serve others in their personal life coaching businesses or in their current leadership roles. The event itself is uniquely impressive and transformational for those in attendance.

A repeated message from the creator of this course, Sean Smith, is that failure is the road we walk to success. This concept is not original but I learned it best from Sean. As he pressed through this topic in the course, he emphasized that there is value in failure and that it is often necessary, in fact, to move us from one place to another. Failure can help us learn. Failure can be an impetus for change. Failure provides a backdrop for us to increase our skillset in order to succeed. Failure is valuable and is a requirement for true success. To desire success but fear failure is to deny yourself the success you’re seeking. Bam! I could spend a great deal of time on this very point alone. *Insert lengthy discussion on the shallow, hollow achievements that came with no need to sacrifice, no need for personal growth.*

Here’s a thought: when we don’t have to work hard enough at something to fail along the way, have we really accomplished anything worth having? Isn’t that just a little like being nice to people who are nice to you? Easy. No stretch. No growth. Just a thought, not a condemnation.

Back to class … the point was made that in our failure, there are nuggets of learning – packages, if you will, that God drops along the way. The problem is most of us don’t open the packages. In fact, most of us ignore the fact that the packages even dropped and turn around and renew our efforts all over again without ever learning the lesson intended for us. And the thing is, it just makes it harder for us to reach the goal. I learned that we develop emotional scar tissue around that goal. Fascinating, isn’t it? How many times have you, like me, tried to simply apply fierce determination but never looked for the lesson? That becomes very self-focused and self-defeating. It’s so ironic. We work harder and move further from the goal.

At one point, as I sat and listened and learned, I noticed an agitation developing. It was the last day of the training. Sean was trying to finish the material and I had a comment to make (that I thought was really, really important). I raised my hand and waited for Sean to acknowledge me. I was following the rules. Waiting, waiting. Listening while others spoke up and the conversation moved on, feeling overlooked, ignored and becoming determined to be heard. As I focused more and more on my need to be heard and my sense of being ignored, my agitation grew. It pulsed inside of me. It became the only sound I heard – well, that and my own argumentative head voice. I finally spoke up – forced my way in with all of my “wisdom”. During the break, I shared my issues, confessing my irritation and frustration. I realized that I knew all along that our leader could have his own reasons for not stopping the conversation. I knew that others behind me may have had their hands raised, too. I knew I was missing the entire conversation. Ego is like that. And, during all of that personal agitation, I missed the packages. Anything that was meant for me was lost on me because I had placed my own personal goal and indignation at the forefront. I wasn’t looking for truth in that moment. I was the proverbial Me Monster, concerned only about my own desires and issues.

Sigh. It’s not fun to revisit this moment. I’m not proud of it. However, it teaches the dangers involved in getting hung up on any one point. We can be so inwardly focused on what we’re missing or how we failed or criticizing ourselves that we entirely miss the value of the moment, the lessons that are being taught. I believe my failure has some redemption in it in that I did learn from the experience. It was humbling but by choosing to look at and examine my own heart in the matter, I did learn something. I picked up a package and opened it. Now to put it into practice.

What packages have you missed along the way? What goals have you missed? Do you keep missing the same goals? Is it possible you’ve been focusing on the failure and not seeing the benefit? If you’re missing the same goals over and over, I can bet you’re ignoring or totally missing the lessons. Perseverance is valuable. Tenacious persistence is admirable. But, what if you’re not on your best track for your life? What if you need a course correction? Failure can help provide that. What if you’re only pursing superficial, tangible goals and God is protecting you from the pain of temporary success? Our life is but a vapor – fleeting, passing like the morning mist. God is looking for more than worldly achievements. He wants us to help change the world. Your value in His eyes has nothing to do with titles, cars and big homes. God doesn’t look on the outside; He looks at the heart. His ways are quite simply not our ways. In your failures, in your heartbreak, in your losses He is there and He can use all of these things to produce growth and change. Look for the lesson – for it is a gift for your future.

Decisions, Decisions – Breaking through the constipation of the mind

I’m sure I’m not the only one this happens to and I’m pretty sure it’s happened to you. If not, then terrific. Be thankful! The issue I’m talking about is that point where things just feel out of whack but you don’t know what to do. You want a change and don’t know how to get it. Or you know but are resisting the do. It’s that tension that lies in between one thing and your next best thing. What leads to this tension, this discord and how can you fix it? How can you find the confidence to take your next step?

Clarity

Lack of clarity impedes progress. You cannot get where you want to go when you don’t even know where you’re going. Gaining clarity gives focus and is a major contributor to action. Clarity of purpose. Clarity of identity. Clarity of end goals. Some people have more clarity around their issues than other people and make the leap seemingly effortlessly. They feel the discord, examine it, determine and action step and leap!  They have clarity. They know where they are going. They may be unclear as to the path but know the one they’re on won’t lead them to their desired destination so they leap off one path and onto another. They are fueled by the clarity of their mission. They trust themselves to work out the details later. Others of us lack that clarity and so we resist change. They say, “A confused mind does nothing.” If this is you, there are some things that can help lead to greater clarity and help you know what to do.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a great tool for starting this process. Do you feel that sense of discord I mentioned? Are you experiencing a sense of being misfit for your situation? Do you sense a holy dissatisfaction? Are you misaligned with your goals and dreams? Do you feel burdened? Are you lacking joy? Is your ego constantly engaged but rarely your heart? A head/heart examination may be in order! Our logical mind wants safety, security, sameness. Our heart engages with passions and calling. Which one is in charge of your choices? Learning to be self-aware is powerful particularly in decision-making. When you learn to recognize the misalignment, you can begin to evaluate alternative paths. You must know where you’re going and rightly assess your positioning in terms of the desired result.

Commitment

Knowing what you are committed to is intensely valuable. Are you more committed to staying where you are (even if it’s “wrong”) or to your mission and purpose? Are you more committed to pleasing others or doing what’s best for you? Are you more committed to resisting change or personal growth? The truth is, staying where you are and doing what you’ve always done is rarely good for your personal development. Picture a stagnant stream. The stream used to flow freely and was vibrant. When it becomes dammed up, the stream just barely trickles through and the stagnant water becomes unhealthy, toxic. Another image that comes to mind is a roller coaster. It can move forward on its own momentum for a time but without a forward charge of some sort will eventually move backwards when the climb becomes steep. The point is no commitment to new action could leave you stagnant and eventually backsliding. When fully committed to the end destination, as best you see it now, you will be compelled to take action.

Values

Once you become aware of a misalignment and are committed to your destination and purpose, it’s time to identify what’s wrong. Your personal values may hold the key. Coaches can help with all of these areas but are particularly helpful in assisting your discovery and definition of your core values. If you are out of alignment in your core values, dissatisfaction is sure to reign and you will find yourself frustrated, aggravated and in a state of self-sabotage. Good news! It doesn’t have to stay that way! Gaining understanding around your actual core values (versus what you may be telling yourself they are) can move you towards a clear decision in an instant. This is one of my most effective and as a result, favorite coaching tools. Your brain will not let you be genuinely satisfied with things that do not align with your true values. Values win over logic every time.

Urgency

What if there is a deadline to your dreams? What if change is only possible in a certain time frame? What if – man! What if someone needs you on the next path and you refuse to leap? I recently had a coaching session with a woman dealing with making a major career change and walked her across an imagnary bridge. I urged her to look at the end of the bridge and see the people that she may be uniquely qualified to help. Refusing to go to them, to help them really isn’t even a possibility for this woman. If you add in a sense of time urgency, the willingness to go multiplies. None of us is guaranteed a long life. None of us have an infinite amount of time to complete our purpose. There are things that will not, do not wait for us to become “perfect” or “good enough”. We must leap into action now or risk missing work that is intended for us.

Trust

This cuts to the quick of the problem. It’s so often a trust issue. We don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust God. We feel inadequate, incapable. This is where I often remind people that it is God who supplies us, equips us. In our weakness He is strong. We are not expected to be perfect. We are called to action when God is ready for us to act – not think about acting. I’m not suggesting reckless behavior but rather trust that we can do what we feel called to do. Nothing more, but also nothing less. To not act is to actually put full focus on ourselves. I believe it’s a type of self-deceit, a type of arrogance – that we even can do it ourselves. We cannot. However, each of us is fully qualified to do what God has called us to do in each moment. He has put a call on my heart to serve people through life-coaching. I trust Him to bring me those whom I’m able to serve now and at the same time, I continue to study and develop my skills so that I can serve others later. I trust myself to be able to carry out that which I’ve learned up to this point and discern where I need more advice and education. You, too, are enough to do what God wants you to do today. You can trust that.

I’m not suggesting this a complete list, but hopefully, it’s a start. If you’re experiencing a constant awareness of dissatisfaction, be honest with yourself. Get clear on your purpose and goals. Take a head/heart assessment. Examine what you’re actually committed to. Evaluate your core values. Apply a sense of urgency to the matter. Trust yourself enough to take action today. You can prepare for tomorrow.

Coffee for Two ASAP! (or risk arrest)

My heart actually hurts. My chest feels heavy, pressed on. I’m having trouble figuring out how I feel, understanding what happened and what I (honestly) would do differently given the opportunity.

I don’t think the police officers are to blame. . . necessarily. I mean, they had a complaint from a business. But, couldn’t they have just escorted the guys outside and talked to them? Were handcuffs necessary? See what I mean? I’m having trouble processing.

I’ll yield that I wasn’t there and accept that there may be things I don’t know. In fact, that’s my cop-out response. I count on that because then I don’t have to do one dadblame thing. Not one. I can just sit silently and let the world continue to rotate on its axis and revolve around the sun. Like Pilate, I can wash my hands of the entire sordid affair.

Picture your local Starbucks. You agree to meet a friend there. You get there before he does. Dude’s always late. You and your buddy that rode with you shake it off and decide to have a seat and wait on him. There are people there. You’re just hanging. Then you notice the girl behind the counter kind of looking at you weird. You’re actually used to that. It’s a thing. You look a little “different”. She picks up her cell between customers, makes a call. No big thing, but you keep feeling her eyes on you. Come on! You’re just waiting for your buddy, talking to your other buddy. Dang. Same thing you’ve encountered all your life.

About the time you’re really getting creeped out by the coffee chick, in walk 2 cops. They head for the counter. Coffee chick glances your way now and then while talking to the cops. They turn, look your direction and head your way. What in the…? This is a new one.

Soon after that, while cops are talking to you, your buddy finally arrives. Yeah, you could’ve used him sooner. Everyone in the place is whispering, looking your way, wondering what’s up. Then the cops put handcuffs on you and escort you out. I mean, aren’t you glad you acted cool? Responded “appropriately”? Good thing you watch the news!

Now, I don’t know if that’s exactly how it went down, but according to a witness it was something pretty close. Question: were the police called on these guys for not ordering coffee? For sitting in an establishment without paying for anything? Really? I don’t think so. I think it’s because they were black and didn’t order anything.

I meet people at Starbucks all the time. I often wait until they get there to place my order. Sometimes I never order. We may just have our meeting and leave. In fact, I’ve often pondered how cool it is that Starbucks lets people just hang there all the time without ordering. I mean, I see it, I do it. Often. But, then again, I’m a middle-aged white woman. I dress well.

Inside my brain, I hope hope hope that I am wrong. I want these men to be known problems. I want there to be an actual danger to their presence. Not because I want coffee chick exonerated, not at all. I just want us as a culture to not be this hopeless. This far gone. This shallow for crying out loud.

I understand fear. I’ve been victimized a time or two. I lived through 9-11 and even have some understanding of the value of profiling – to some degree – until I think of my Assyrian sister in law and her beautiful family, my nieces, her sisters, her brothers, their kids. ereHHere I sit, finding it hard to believe that someone called the police on two innocent people because of their skin color and I’m having to face my own issues. I didn’t believe it could be just what it was. I’d like to think I would’ve stood up for them if I was there, but should that even be necessary? Shouldn’t their word have as much value as mine?

I hate coming to grips with the fact that I may be part of the problem. I hate that parents of good kids have to worry about their children’s safety because of their skin color. And I wasn’t going to say anything either. I was going to go about my day. Then I read the account of a woman who observed the incident and felt the kick in my own gut. Then my pastor friend who adopted several Ethiopian children shared his fears. Another kick. I have to speak for others. I have to, in the name of the Lord I serve, say NO. This isn’t ok. He died for every single one of us. He delights in us. I am compelled to say, regardless of the details of this incident, but for all in general, it’s not ok to treat people like this. There’s a mountain of things I don’t know and I don’t understand, much to be learned but in this moment, I stand.

Note: This is not a commentary on Starbucks. It could happen anywhere. 

Joy in Relinquishing Weight

The truth is many, if not most, of us want to lose weight and feel we should lose weight. After all, all of society, our doctors, food companies, the gym people are sending out that message and somehow make us feel less than for being more than. More than what? More than them. More than the charts say is good. More than you want to be – in that way. But isn’t more supposed to be a good thing?

And here’s a question? When did we decide what is good and what is bad? And when did our self-worth get locked up into it? I remember many times feeling self-conscious and bad for eating good! What’s that about? I felt like I must be bad to need to eat good and I felt deprived that I couldn’t eat what everyone else was eating. And I’ve felt that way a lot! So even doing the good thing made me feel bad.

2008 - Living life in Hawaii - outrigger canoeing and sailing

And then what happens? We spiral. We self-loathe. We fuss at ourselves. We garner up determination. We dream of Arnold Schwarzenegger coming to our home and making us do the things we’re not doing.  Oh, wait. Maybe that’s me.  But, seriously, I did that. I remember trying to figure out how to get him take me on as a special project. And then one day, the Oprah Show did it. I was tracked for a year and you know, did great, because I might get caught not doing great. (This is called external motivation.) As a result, though, I tapped into some really healthy eating … and I began to learn that weight issues might be more about psychology than what I was actually eating. It was a turning point. The benefits from that year of change carried me forward for many years. I learned that I could do physically challenging things (even at a heavy weight). I fell in love with hiking, cycling, and running (to a point). I gained an appreciation for healthy eating and learned to lose weight without great deprivation. All of these served me.

Note: External motivation will only take you so far. It’s dependent on others. For true, lasting change your motivation must come from inside you. This takes a bit of digging.

However, as time moved on and life stressors impacted me, I began to lose some of the good habits I’d established. I gained back some of the weight. I started cycling through ultra-dedicated workouts, green smoothie life, doing all the things. I would lose a modest amount of weight, gain it back and then try again. And to be honest, I got tired of it all. I grew weary of working so hard for so little profit. And bit by bit, I gave up. Almost overnight, it seemed, I was within 10 pounds of the weight I’d been 10 years earlier. Physically, I felt awful. I was in considerable pain. At one point, I was using a cane to try and relieve my knee pain. My whole body hurt. My neck felt fat. I’d grown more chin than my neck and face needed. My lungs felt strained when I tried to walk and my breathing was heavy. I was in emotional pain, felt disconnected spiritually and was frustrated in my spirit.

What’s your story? How do you feel around the whole weight conversation? How do you feel inside? Do you feel shame? Embarrassment? Like a failure? Like you should have more self-control than that? Do you resist help? Change? Healthy options?

Maybe, just maybe, you don’t feel worthy. Maybe somewhere down deep that you don’t like to go, you’re trying to hide – protect yourself – punish yourself. Maybe you’re actually afraid of losing weight, being exposed, desired, seen.

It might seem crazy to you right now but the truth is: you’re o.k. You are not broken. One of the things you may need to relinquish is your old tape recorder that plays over and over telling you how you failed AGAIN. What if, instead, your tape recorder said: You’re awesome. You’re beautiful. What if you could give thanks for the body part you want to hide? What do you think would happen if you could look at your legs and express gratitude for the miles they’ve carried you? For the lap they provide for your kids. And if they hurt a lot, what if you were thankful they can let you know that you need some attention? What if you told yourself how awesome you are? What if you asked your body what it’s looking for in hunger? What if you learned to slow down when you had strong desires for food when you know you’re not hungry and then ask, “What do you really need?”. Heather K. Jones creator of FBEB (Feel Better Eat Better) teaches a great practice of checking in with yourself – frequently, even hourly, and asking yourself how you’re doing. What do you need? Are you thirsty? Learning to communicate with yourself in a caring and attentive way can set you up for all kinds of success.

Does that sound flippy, dippy to you? Too _________? Well, what if I told you you’re doing it all the time? You’re engaged in conversation with yourself and affirming things (positive and negative) all the time. Your old tape recorded is on auto play rerunning all the bad and rarely the good. You and only you can actually change that tape. You have the power – the total power- to rewrite the script and contradict the negative talk you fed in long ago. BUT you must learn to hear your voice, recognize the self-defeating self-talk.

Oct 2017 when I decided to
change whatever I needed to. 

Me taking some time to nurture my soul.

Feeling healthy and sassy. 

Back to my personal story. It’s ongoing but here is the current scoop. As 2017 moved on and I grieved the death of both of my parents and tried to face my health issues, I began to genuinely believe I had already lived the best part of my life. I was 56 years old and had seen the best parts of myself already. I was buying into society’s [stupid and erroneous] belief that “it’s all downhill from here”. I was ready to sell my home mainly because I couldn’t function in it well anymore – couldn’t climb the steps, couldn’t walk the length without pain. I was done. And then, a little glimmer of hope peeked in. First of all, through my coaching training, I was coached. I experienced a profound moment where I realized, through a coaching exercise with my instructor/trainer/coach (Sean Smith), that I knew what I wanted and had the wisdom to get there. In that, there was a measure of accountability and some external motivation, but the real changed happened because of my internal motivation.  I was tired of hurting. I wanted my life back. I no longer cared about anyone else’s opinion around my course of action. I wanted to be WELL! I began a program (after watching a friend’s profound change and hearing her cardiologist’s opinion) that is anti-inflammatory and homeopathic. I hoped to feel some better and maybe lose a little weight. (Seriously low expectations here.) I took the changes to heart and decided that I was just as free to not eat certain foods as I was to eat them, if that’s what served me best. And in the process, I’ve changed my whole life. Changing my eating cleared my brain, banished my pain, released weight and basically, gave me my life back. God has used this powerfully in my life to help me be open to new things and release other things that weren’t for my best good.

It’s still a process. I still have much to learn. I don’t know “it all”. But I am learning. And I am changing. And I want to help you change. Your story is not over. Whatever it is that’s got a grip on you – or you have a grip on – it doesn’t have to hold you forever. Today you can make choices to change. You can relinquish weight and do it joyfully.

AFFIRM things that are encouraging and believable. Write your story beautifully.

"I eat nutritious, delicious food."

CHECK IN often and see what you’re actually feeling and needing.

My cute bento "box" I use
to take my healthy options with me.

REDIRECT negative thinking and replace with positive truth.

NURTURE your body, soul and mind.

WATER yourself. Hydration is key to a healthy body and an alert mind.

March 2018 48 lbs gone

And be willing to  relinquish your “freedom” in order to be free. You have the complete freedom to eat whatever you want – including delicious, nutritious food – even when everyone else is choosing something else.

Restored

Blessings on this Sunday morning. As I sit here this morning, cozy on my couch, sipping coffee with my essential oils diffusing, I find myself remarkably grateful. It is my habit to give thanks but I don’t know that I fully embrace the attitude of gratitude, if you will. I call myself “The Joy Coach”, but I don’t always feel the joy. And truth be told, last year felt like hell to me. Even so, I continued to give thanks and trust that God was doing something I couldn’t or didn’t understand. And though the steps forward were hard to even recognize at times, I did keep moving forward, one, literally, painful step at a time. 

But on this day, this blessedly ordinary day, I am grateful. Filled with thanks. AWARE and alive. I can see the work God has done through my pain, both emotional and physical, and frankly, I’m a bit awestruck. He’s turned my mourning into dancing and He’s given me a new song in my mouth.

This morning, as I sit in the still and quiet, while it is still dark outside, aware of little beyond my immediate breathing and the gentle hum of my house, I began to reflect somewhat on the 23^rd Psalm. This Psalm is used to comfort the grieving and yes, I have found enormous comfort in it. But this morning was different. There is no sadness in my soul. As I was praying, I was simply aware of some things that moved my spirit.

The first was that God has led me beside the still waters. It’s been said that sheep won’t drink from turbulent waters – and who can blame them! – they need still water to drink. Throughout Scripture we are referred to as sheep and Jesus calls Himself the Good Shepherd. (John 10) At this place in my life, after a season of considerable grief, I am suddenly aware that I am beside the still water. I can drink and be replenished and it’s good. Thank you, Jesus.

Next, I realize that Jesus has made me to lie down in green pastures. I can rest! And there is plenty of provision. Jesus not only led me beside the still water, but also made me to lie down in green pastures. I can eat and drink and rest. No striving. It occurs to me that after my long, tiresome journey, He was indeed restoring my soul. When I set my eyes fully on Jesus and followed His lead, I had all I needed. I didn’t have to grow the grass, or calm the water. I didn’t even have to find the way on my own – He led me. <3

What great joy this Sunday morning to be able to rest in Jesus. To be able to trust His leading. There is gratitude. There is joy. And there is a peace that passes all understanding. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness, patience and goodness.