What is This Life Coaching Thing Anyway? (and Why I Have a Coach)

Life Coaching – fastest growing and maybe most misunderstood profession. We’ve talked about this. You can read my other blog here. I think people want to know though. They want to get what life coaching looks like and are curious if a life coach could help them. You may be curious if life coaching could help you.

Answer: It depends. It depends on so much.

Things that affect the success of Life Coaching:

                Rapport – Do you mesh with your life coach? This is so key that actual studies have been done on it. Let me sum it up this way: no rapport, virtually no success. You may find some victory without rapport, but I wouldn’t count on it. In fact, rapport can bring success even when the coach lacks skills. Rapport is the magic juice of coaching, in my humble opinion. The fairy dust. Rapport keeps you engaged with your coach, allows your coach to speak frankly with you, cuts through the muck and mire to find out what’s really going on.

                Trust – A little different than rapport but no less important. Trust gives you security and is based on the reliability of the coach. It allows you to explore areas that you’ve been hiding from yourself, speak the truth, know your coach will maintain confidentiality, and bring their best to the conversation, looking out for your best.

                Willingness to change – If you’re unwilling to change, well, nothing will change. That’s not completely true. Some things may change but they’ll be externally charged. A willingness to change puts you in the driver’s seat and helps you realize new victories and experiences.

                Vulnerability – With good rapport and trust, you feel secure in being vulnerable with your coach. When you’re willing to be vulnerable, you avail yourself to deeper coaching and, in my opinion, faster results.

                Transparency – Similar to vulnerability, but I’m putting this one on the coach. A coach shouldn’t be pouring their hearts out to their clients, but that doesn’t mean they should act inhuman. A transparent coach increases trust and rapport. Transparency helps the client feel understood and not so alone in their struggles.

Coaching can be understood by comparing it to counseling. Counseling primarily deals with the past and how it’s affecting the client today. As a result, counseling works a lot on past stories and events. In counseling, the counselor acts as an expert and advises the client/patient. Coaching is focused on the future. Coaches may explore your past, but it’s as you bring up things that are relevant to your goals, keeping you stuck. Coaches help release the hold past events have on you and help you see ways to operate beyond that story. Note: this is a very simplistic definition and is not intended to elevate one profession over the other. Coaches are not acting as the expert on a subject as much as a helper or ally. In coaching, the client sets the pace, determines their goals and how to measure them. The differences may be cloudy at times and certainly there are similarities, still they remain separate.

Do coaches have coaches?

Yes, though not always. Coaches may believe they don’t need a personal coach, but I can’t see how this serves clients best. Everyone has blind spots. Everyone has weaknesses. Everyone needs to be challenged at times in order to reach their potential, even highly motivated individuals. A coach can bring a much sharper game when they themselves are coached. As a coach, I can be just as easily caught up in limiting beliefs, fears, and small thinking as anyone. By submitting myself for coaching, I have help examining these issues so that each week I’m bringing my clients the best me possible at that time. (See how I’m being transparent here? I don’t have all the answers.)

Some things I’ve heard from my coach(es):

                I hear defiance.

I don’t think I’m being defiant.

                Have you tried centered breathing?

Nope. Haven’t specifically heard of it.

                Let’s go through a total truth letter.

Oh, boy! *feels nervous*

                Why are you judging that?

Didn’t realize I was.

                What are you pretending not to know?

Ummmm – huh?

One of my clients wrote an article about her coaching experience recently. She said that I “help her untie the brain knots”. I think that’s an excellent description of the coaching experience. I’m the other ears, the other eyes. I have a different perspective – and you’re safe with me.

Coaching By Stephanie

                               

My (not so) super morning

Have you ever had a morning that just didn't go the way you like? I mean, that's a pretty unimaginative question. Of course you have! You're normal right? I have a great number of completely awesome mornings. I really do. I'm a morning kind of person, so that helps. I also sleep 7 - 8 hours a night and that is a definite plus. So, yeah, my mornings, as a rule, are quite lovely. I work for myself and have a pretty soft schedule most days, leaving me the luxury of moving at the pace I choose. I read, write, pray and very often make time to sit by the lake in contemplation, soaking in nature's beauty. I love mornings. . . unless they don't go my way.

Look, I'm just keeping reaaaaal. I'm a happy person in general . . . unless things don't go my way. Whoo! I might get to preaching right here. Why? Because, as far as I can tell, we all are happy when we get our way. *Note: I'm  not speaking to or diminishing depression or other psychological situations.  I'm merely addressing human nature.* I remember my mother fussing at me for not being (or showing) appreciative of the things she did for me or sacrifices she made, or just being in a bad mood over a perceived injustice. Then, when she'd  buy me something I wanted or do something special, if I did thank her and make a big deal of it, she'd admonish me for that, saying "Sure, now you're happy. You got your way." Gah! I remember wondering what she'd have me do. Talk about frustrating mixed messages! But, yes, I'm happy when things go my way and (sometimes) not so happy when they don't. That's how I felt this morning.

As far as I know, I was peacefully sleeping, fighting the occasional hot flash, when I awoke for a simple trip to the restroom. I'm 57 - these things are not unusual. It was about 3 a.m. I returned to bed as per normal and snuggled down to resume my slumber. Next thing I knew, I was checking the clock again. 3:16 a.m. ugh! Then 3:30 something. Man! Finally at 3:58, I gave it up and climbed out of bed. I figured if I wasn't going to sleep, I might as well be productive. I spent the next while somewhat grumpily reading about the development of and different philosophies surrounding Christian counseling. In the words of my husband, "If that doesn't put you to sleep, nothing will!" . I squeezed out a 30 minute snooze around 6:30 then began my day in earnest. 

Here's what I noticed. I was allowing that middle of the night awakening to set a negative tone to my day.  I complained about it on Facebook, to my husband and in my heart. I resisted acknowledging it as a gift. I failed to be thankful for the good hours of sleep I'd had between 10 p.m. and 3 a.m. I didn't express sincere gratitude for the extra hours added to my day and the quiet time to read that counseling assignment. No, I griped. I haven't gone out to look at the lake either. What's up with that?

Friends, we all can act like this at times. We may face a seemingly undesirable situation and put all our focus on that, failing to see the beauty in it. I hear people say everything works out the way it should. I have resistance around that, but I know that God can use all things for good (Romans 8:28). And I know that as Christians, we are called to let our light shine before me (Matt 5:16). I don't think our light shines very brightly when we are complaining and focusing on the negative things. In that state, we become needy, snuffing out our light and often the light of those around us. 

Today I heard a song by my friend Chris Muglia that exhorts us to let Christ's light shine in us. If you've ever taken note of darkness around you, you know how badly people need light and hope. Sometimes, we put others down for advertising their happiness and the good things God is doing in their lives. We act as though all Christians are supposed to be low key, unobtrusive, unnoticeable. That's not what I see when I read Matthew 5:16 or the verses leading up to it.We are the light of the world,  a city on a hill (visible) - shining, guiding, pointing others to Christ, offering hope. 

After listening to Chris' song and meditating on Matthew 5:16 a bit, I decided to turn things around and let my light shine before me. I don't apologize for the joy I have - I want to share it. I don't write for my personal pleasure or out of desire to be recognized. I write to bring encouragement to you and others like you. I hope to ultimately show others the love of our Father in heaven and so glorify Him.

After reflection, and a little more coffee, I'm not too bothered by having risen so early. I've had a lovely, cozy morning on the couch. I've enjoyed extra time to think, meditate on God's word and engage with others on Facebook. I hope your day goes well and you can note the good things in your life. Many blessings to you this day. 

A Most Powerful Choice

There’s a conversation going on in society around the topic of not giving up. It says things like, “success lives right around the corner from I quit” and “never, never give up”. Amen! Right on! Never give up! Keep on keepin’ on! Press on! Fight to the finish! And, sometimes, this very thought process is what will keep us held back, stuck in an endless do-loop of trying so hard to be all that we think we should be.

Now, note – I said “sometimes”. It’s true that perseverance often serves us and that quitting doesn’t. It’s true that success, real success requires moving outside of the infamous comfort zone and into new, uncomfortable, even scary, territory. Success even requires failure. Requires failure! Believe me, I’m not suggesting you don’t need to persevere when things get challenging and irritating, when you find yourself failing. That, my friend, really is very often the very sign of a breakthrough. When things get tough you can celebrate moving closer to your goals – usually.

There can be a problem though. I urge you to carefully consider if you’re actually on the path that’s right for you, best for you. What if you’re hanging onto a goal that isn’t meant for you? What if getting what you think you want will keep you from finding what is best for you? What if you’re on the wrong path or have wrong motives?

Some reasons we may need to reconsider our paths:

1.   Our goals and dreams might be interfering with God’s plan. We may have a desire to achieve something that is in opposition to what God wants for us or others. God’s plans will prevail.

2.       We may be looking for security in tangible things. Our hope may be resting in something other than God. That’s an idol. Tangible things cannot satisfy the true desires of our heart.

3.       Our motives may be much more about self than others (no matter how we word it). Speaking from experience here. It’s possible to say the right things but not actually mean them – even when we think we do.

4.       We may need to learn something on another path in order to successfully walk the one we’re currently trying to manage. Think about that. You may need a temporary detour.

Here’s the thing: sometimes we recognize it’s time to move on. We feel out of whack. Things just aren’t lining up. We might become aware that all we’re doing is running up against the same roadblock again and again, making no progress. I’m suggesting you at least consider that there may be another path at the end of that road. What does it look like? Is it for you?

My friend and fellow coach, Robin, gave a group of us a great visual this week. It’s the earth cut up into puzzle pieces. She shared that we each have our place in the world and if we don’t do our part then there’s a missing puzzle piece. That got me to thinking about spiritual gifts and ministries in the body of Christ – the church. The Bible says each believer is gifted by the Holy Spirit – given supernatural gifts for growing the body. The Bible also says that “we are [Christ’s] workmanship [poema] created for good works which He prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). And we cannot miss the truth around integrity. We can fall out of integrity with God and with ourselves and even with those around us. We compromise. We lose sight of things that really matter. Our priorities and values may not be aligning. All of these offer insights to reasons we may need to look at another path.

Let me ask you a question: if you knew you were actually on the wrong path, wouldn’t you want to be redirected? Wouldn’t you be willing to go after something new instead? And if that’s all true, can’t you stop beating up on yourself and judging your decision? Can’t you, won’t you, stop letting others rent space in your brain over your choice? Choosing a new path that serves you, God, your family, the world better is a powerful choice. If it feels dicey, I think that’s the time to press in. I think that’s the time to bring up the quotes from the beginning of this article. Choosing a new path is not the same as giving up.  – Yeah, I’m totally talking to myself. If it serves you, too, then that’s awesome.

A father's imperfect love

Because a precious friend is hurting. Because God is perfect. Because we cannot be. Because it’s on my heart today. . .

I’m thinking about all the broken, injured, flawed people this morning. I’m thinking about the sins of the fathers being visited upon the generations. In my own family, we sometimes impress people with our colorful lineage. You see, I descend from a pirate of (some) fame. He was tried and hung in Williamsburg and there is a display in the jail at Colonial Williamsburg commemorating his death. Richard Lee Worley. My mom was a Worley. We’re also descended from Joseph Boone. You may have heard of his brother, Daniel. The pirate story gets more traction. And I get that. It’s fun and cool if you don’t think about it too much. If you gloss over what pirates really were and just focus on the cool outfits, well, yeah, it’s neat. If you think about the raping, pillaging and plundering – well, it’s not so glamorous. Now, I don’t think any of my more immediate line was as unsavory or evil as all that, but I can’t say their sins weren’t visited upon the generations after. Dysfunction and wrongs are certainly passed down, don’t you think?

All of that to say, we have wounded and hurt people who are doing the best they know to do. They’re becoming fathers and mothers and in their flawed states they’re passing forward the hurts they’ve suffered, often (maybe usually) completely ignorantly.

I volunteer as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate for children), or GAL – guardian ad litem, and I have the opportunity to observe court proceedings. I watch case after case of abuse and neglect, the affects of drug and alcohol abuse, wounded people who are in cycles of self-abuse, abuse of others, neglect of self and their children. People who are trapped in spirals of behavior they can’t seem to free themselves from trying to figure out how to get their children back. I see the generational impact of their choices. Sometimes, I’ve even thought “There but for the grace of God go I” and I mean it.

My own parents were imperfect, but they were good and they loved me. They struggled with their own pasts and became parents at a young age and had a lot to learn. I, too, became a parent at a relatively young age and I, too, had a lot to learn. I can honestly tell you that I acted from some of my injured places in my own parenting (and marriage). I had anger issues and have only recently felt those abate. I had lots of emotions stuffed down, never dealt with, hidden even from myself.

In my coaching and counseling training, I’ve learned that anger is a secondary emotion. Anger is a reaction that is born out of previous pain and fear stuffed down. To heal anger, we have to get down to those other issues. If you have anger issues, you could benefit from a coach or counselor’s help. You need to seek help to uncover the roots and deal with those to stop the cycle. You can get better.

Listen – if you had imperfect parents, injured parents, abusive parents – I know it can be hard to trust God, the Father. I just want to tell you. He’s a good Father. He’s perfect. And He loves you. He loves you in the most profound way imaginable. He doesn’t hurt. He doesn’t demand perfection – In fact, He grants it. He loves us in our imperfection. He invites us to come to Him as children.  He can heal our brokenness. He loves us as a perfect Father – in a way no earthly father can.

So, what are we imperfect, injured people to do? All I can tell you in this moment is for me, I'm rejoicing in the fact that Jesus paid the sacrifice that allows me to be made perfect in the Father's eyes. My holiness is a work in progress, but the Father sees me as perfect. When any man comes to Christ, He is made new. I'm  thankful that in my flawed state, God remembers my sin no more. He offers forgiveness to all who seek Him. 

In an attempt to tie this all together, I want to say that God is not a flawed, imperfect Father. He is the perfect Father you dream of. As for imperfect, cruel fathers - well, they're acting out of their own brokenness. So, we can pray for their soul healing. Their shortcomings or offenses don't mean they don't love. I think it means they have a mess of stuff shoved in yet to be confronted. 

As I thought about my friend this morning, I pictured a wounded little girl needing love and affection. Maybe that's you. I pictured myself inviting the little girl to sit on my lap and imagined consoling her and telling her she is loved. It occurs to me she's loved by her father, too, but his pain is covering that up. He's deflecting his own pain onto her. If I had that little girl on my lap, I'd tell her that she has a perfect Father who is completely love. He's there for her always. 

Life Coach Comes Out of the Closet

What the heck is a life coach?! I know I’ve asked that question numerous times in the past with thoughts of Paris (Gilmore Girls reference) not being able to make a decision without consulting her life coach. Ugh. I felt for sure this was a wimpy deal for wimpy people. Maybe you can relate. I thought life coaches were expensive hand-holders for the weak. 

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

When I started getting business advice and support, I was trying to reach some goals and stumbled across a training video, then took some classes that addressed my concerns … and had no idea whatsoever that I was engaged in life coaching. Thank goodness! I might have run away and missed out all due to ignorance.

That was 2 or 3 years ago. Through group coaching, I made great strides in my business, learned more about people and started examining my beliefs and thought processes. Eventually, I hired a private coach. With my own coach, we were able to dig into my specific issues and address them. Limiting beliefs, desperate behavior, time issues, resistance. I remember one specific encounter: My mom had just died and I was at her home sorting through the years of life spent at that particular address (and many years of accumulated things in the attic). I had a coaching call scheduled and decided to keep the appointment. I remember sitting in the car, having this conversation on my Bluetooth and crying. I don’t remember any actual coaching having taken place, but I do remember having a place to let things out and being able to trust the person on the other end of the phone to handle it.

Since that time, I have become a certified life coach. Added to that, I’m finishing my degree studying life coaching and counseling (added to the tons of business study already completed years ago). 

Here’s what I now know about life coaching. Life coaching helps strong people get stronger. Life coaching is for the brave - it digs into your soul if you let it. Life coaching is for people who are tired of living as victims. Life coaching is for people who are willing to do the work to change, to improve, to look at themselves honestly.  If you choose to have a life coach, you're making a decision to grow beyond what you can do on your own. 

Life coaching

• Fastest growing helping profession
• Helps people reach goals
• Future focused - but can deal with the past as needed
• Offers a perspective you don’t have
• Directed by the client
• Are allies
• Encourage others to walk alongside of them (like a Biblical encourager)
• Provides an ear
• Helps with time management, weight management, emotion management, business management
• Is not counseling
• Goes at your pace
• Is confidential
• Calls you on your stuff
• Provides an outlet
• Can help release pent up anger, pain, fear

Try not to judge my grammar, o.k.? 

So, if you’re wondering… 

I am a life coach. I help others deal with their life issues and move forward to an improved future. I am here to serve others – to serve you. I help you uncover things you already know – like the answers to your problems. God gifted me with the gift of exhortation (or encouragement) and that gift calls you up to walk alongside of me. I'm a helper.  I’m not able to lead everyone. Some of you are ahead of me. But, I’m able to lead some, encourage some, help some and I’m passionate about it. God used life coaching in my life to free me from years of self-abuse. If he can use me to help someone else, I’m willing.

It’s scary sometimes

Sometimes I worry whether or not I’m good enough, smart enough, talented enough for what I do or feel called to. I’m afraid I’ll let you down. But when I pause and reflect on that, I know better. God has equipped me perfectly for the things He has planned for me to do. I’m not on my own. In my weakness, He is strong.

Sometimes I have to go out on a limb and risk things, events (or me) failing. But you know what? It’s worth it. Maybe I will fail at some of the things I try … but maybe I'll succeed at some. Maybe no one will listen … but maybe someone will. Maybe I can’t help everyone (I’m sure I cannot), but maybe I can help one.

It’s an honor, a trust and a great privilege

I carry a big responsibility. That anyone would trust me is extremely humbling and I acknowledge it’s a privilege to be trusted this way. I’m so honored. The responsibility of it all keeps me studying, learning, growing – working on myself so I can be the best version of me for you and the others I serve. Truthfully, it keeps me right at the feet of Jesus, listening, observing, learning.

Pray for me

Pray for me, please, as I follow what I believe God has called and equipped me to do. It’s why I write these blogs. It’s why I chose my course of study in college. And trust me, not everyone is humble or wise in this field. I need discernment about who I train under and what I read. I could use prayer in those areas, let alone prayer as I help carry others’ burdens. Thank you for honoring me this way. <3

I’ve tip-toed around being public about this – hinting, implying, but rarely flat out saying it. I’m done with that. It’s not about me and never has been. I cannot hide and sneak around and be available to serve at the same time. So, here I am – out of the closet, so to speak – humbled, grateful, ready and willing. I am here, Lord. Send me.

Make a Better Life!

Don't wish you could just snap your fingers and make some changes - some serious changes? What would that look like for you?

Things you might want

Lose weight

Pay off debt

Disease healed

House organized

House cleaned

New Job

More happiness

Yeah - that's just a few of the biggies that pop up. Oh, how we want things to be different! We want to look and feel younger. We want to undo mistakes and sins of our past. We want to be forgiven. We want to be able to forgive! We want to stop hating ourselves. We want to feel like smiling. We want to have not been abused. We want to find success - whatever that means (and it's different for everyone). Oh, how we long for something to finally click! We want something magical, mystical or miraculous to happen that will instantly zap us out of where we are and thrust us into the new life.

Here's the kicker - even if that happened - you'd still be the same person.  You'd react based on what you know. How many stories have you heard of people who get their weight loss dream and then gain it back (and more)? How many people have won lotteries of vast sums of money only to find themselves financially broke and despondent? How many have walked away from jobs they hate into new dream jobs and still discover they're unhappy? It happens all. the. time.

The answer to our life problems can't be found in a pill, a bottle, a man or a woman, and to be honest, it can't be found in religion alone. No, what we need is something only we with God's help can master. Each one of us holds the key to our freedom and new joy. I'm reminded in this moment that the Bible teaches Jesus is strong when we are weak and He said He came to bind up our wounds. That is 100% true. Still, how is He going to do that when  you are running hard in the opposite direction? Just my human thoughts, here...

Note: Part of what makes tomorrow beautiful and powerful is what you overcame to get there. Don't wish it all away. It's the ashes God uses to create beauty. 

The secret to a better life can be found in your personal decisions - the ones you make day in and day out.  Big decisions sometimes, but usually it's the little ones. We make choices day in and day out that either keep us where we are, move us deeper into a pit, or move us forward.

Choices 
Facebook - to scroll or not to scroll
Alarm clock - get up or snooze
Nourishment - health or indulgence
Exercise - yes or no
Love - give or withhold
Forgiveness - same as love
Money - spend, save, invest, waste
Books - mindless or mind-filling
T.V. - watch it or do something productive

These are some bits and pieces we make decisions about on a regular basis. These decisions have the ability to add or take away from our joy, health, wealth, life.

What if you chose to love at every opportunity - including yourself? What could that look like in light of all of these decisions? Recently, I realized I was forgetting to show myself love through exercise. 

BTW - Exercise should not be a punishment. Exercise is a way to show love to yourself and gratitude for the life God has blessed you with. We honor God and self by caring for our bodies. 

Last year about this time I was making new choices. I was deciding to act on wisdom and knowledge I'd accumulated through the years. It was a new empowered choice that allowed me to take back some big chunks of my life and stop being a victim (something I preached on a lot but wasn't fully living out). I started a 90 day plan for intentional growth. I chose a 90 day devotional (Awaken by Priscilla Shirer).  I started implementing Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning routine. I invited friends to join me in my quest. I had some days that were better than others. I had parts of the Miracle Morning that I enjoyed (and implemented) more than others, but I kept at it. One. Step. At. A. Time. Good days. Bad days. I just kept at it.

Fast forward to a year later (almost): my life  is radically different. I only made the connection yesterday and I just wept as I realized the power those few decisions had in my life. I had one desire and that was to grow - to thrive! I was praying that God would change me, not my circumstances. I prayed to be more content  and thankful for what I'd been given. Oh, how He answered those prayers!

Today, I sit here:

• 70 lbs lighter
•  A life coach 
• A 57 year old college senior
• At peace in my soul
• Content
• Joyful
• Transformed 

What can you do?

Get still  and quiet - start with reflection.

Consider your decisions - are they serving you?

Try getting up earlier.

Explore your heart's desires and what's in the way.

Show yourself love and grace.

Accept responsibility for what you do (and don't do). 

Stop blaming others - just stop it.

Practice abundant thanksgiving. 

Gaining Balance

Have you ever felt like your life was out of balance? Out of sync? How did that make you feel? Irritated? Critical? Anxious? I’ve felt that. And I’ve come out of that into a sense of calm – you probably want to know how.

1.       I spent a year focusing on learning to listen. For the past few years I’ve prayed about and decided upon a one-word focus for the year. Yes, it’s a trendy thing to do, but I could see value in it and I’ve found that it helps me make decisions about how I spend my time and energy. Anyway, last year I chose listen. I wanted to make time and space to listen to God and others and even myself.

2.       I became a deliberate joy seeker. I made a point of looking for joy in all of my circumstances. This past year I had my share of sadness and pain, but still I employed the tactic of seeking joy in my strife, joy in work, joy in my relationships, joy, joy, joy! In fact, I spent a fair amount of time recording the joy I found in each day.  This reminded me that God had not forgotten me in my darkest times. It helped cement the awareness that joy doesn’t actually mean happiness or happy circumstances. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5b

3.        I practiced (and still do) thanksgiving. Learning to recognize the gifts of each day and extend thanks for them can do wonders for contentment. I am bent toward a complaining demeanor. Giving thanks in all things helps keep me from that (more than not). It also helps keep worry at bay. Let’s hear it for less worry! Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7

4.       I became self-focused. OK, I know that may not sound very Christian to you, so let me explain it. I read a quote where a speaker said to draw a circle around yourself and ask God to change the person in it as a means to starting a spiritual revival. I stopped focusing on everyone else’s flaws (as much) and asked God to change my heart, forgive my sin. I have to get the log out of my own eye. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own? Matthew 7:3

5.       I started relinquishing things that no longer fit. As God changed the person in the circle, some things just didn’t seem to fit anymore. I had to let go of some things, make some changes, in order to embrace the new things that God had planned for me. This is harder than it seems! We like familiar, comfortable things. But they are false security. Familiar doesn’t mean best for you. I had to put my trust in Jesus and follow Him to new things, new places.

I don’t know if these steps are the right ones for you. I just know that following them has helped me regain my balance and reduce anxiety. Focusing on myself and God’s Word has helped me be less critical of others’ shortcomings, less prideful. I won’t tell you I have it all figured out.  I’m just saying things are clearer than they’ve been in a while. Maybe my plank is smaller.