How to Feel Thinner Immediately

I have tried all sorts of things through the years to be thinner, smaller, and more fit. As many as I’ve tried, there are still many more that I haven’t. The Thigh Master – never tried it. Suzanne Somers almost convinced me, but still managed not to. The Ab Roller – hmm. Nope. How about you? Have you jumped on band wagon after band wagon trying to feel thinner or be thinner? Most of us have. It’s the thing we’re supposed to do.

Now, hear me loud and clear. I’m all for taking care of yourself. In fact, I’m more committed to this endeavor than ever before. My life is a gift from God and I, increasingly, believe I have a responsibility to steward that gift well. I'm thankful for my body and I want to take care of it.  I haven’t always, but then I don’t know that I’ve ever thought about it quite that way before either. If I want to live long and live well, I am wise to care for this earthly dwelling and keep it strong, fit and able. After all, I don’t know what plans God may have for me that would require physical strength or fitness. I do know that I’ve neglected my body through the years and it’s cost me. My physical limitations made many things difficult and I was in a lot of pain as well. I’m sure it limited what I could say “Yes” to.

Back to the main point. Have you ever noticed how our perception of our bodies changes in direct proportion to the way we’re treating them? If I take a day and gorge out – eat junk, sit around, lie around – and even more so if that day extends to a week or a month, I’ve noticed that I feel fat. My actual weight doesn’t even have to change. I just perceive myself differently. Does that happen to you? I become hyper aware of my lack of fitness, my hip curves and my belly – and not in a good way. Of course, prolonged poor diet also makes one feel sluggish which doesn’t help. And it usually increases bloating. That doesn’t help my perception either. Before long, my attitude is suffering and I don’t like my reflection in the mirror. From there, a sort of spiral effect takes place and that spawns more of the unhealthy behavior that started the whole thing!

Here’s a trick. Really, I’ve found this works. I’ve tested it over and over and it really works. I stop the madness and start eating for my health. I make choices that give energy and are inarguably healthy by anyone’s standards. Instantly, I begin to feel better about myself. And almost magically, the negative impressions of myself begin to morph into good opinions. One day of good self-care with healthy thinking yields thoughts of feeling thinner and more energetic. I’ve noticed the same thing with exercise. Simply getting up from my chair and getting active instantly improves my emotional state and feelings about my body.

Yesterday, after days of increasing indulgence that eventually became detrimental versus fun ( i.e. eating when I wasn’t hungry, gorging on fattening treats even with a stomach ache), I felt awful. I felt less attractive. I felt disappointed in myself. I felt unhealthy. I finally decided enough was enough and reminded myself that I have the complete power to choose differently. My choices were mine and mine alone and I knew that I could turn that old train around. Furthermore, I knew I deserved it. I stopped the madness first by owning my decisions. I wrote a “Dear Diary” blog that I may share one day and admitted how unkindly I’d been treating myself. I accepted responsibility for my choices. Next, I made the plan to choose healthy food for dinner and get myself right back on my normal eating plan. I had a grilled meat dinner with steamed asparagus. Plain and simple. And do you know what? Instantly all of those bad feelings, even the physical ones went away. I immediately felt thinner and more importantly, I felt proud of my decision. This morning it was easy to make healthy choices.

Try it. Try making your next choice a choice that serves your best health. It’s not about “diet” or even “working out”. It’s about you and your value. It’s about self-care which starts with self-love. Only you can take care of yourself, sister. One decision at a time. One meal at a time. Your life is a gift. Are you treating it as such?

Tips on Feeling Thinner

1) Own your choices.

2) Accept responsibility.

3) Be thankful for your life and your body.

4) Stop the madness.

5) Make the next choice a healthy one.

6) Start now!

Birthday Musings

Every year on my birthday, I make it point to take time to reflect on the goodness of God in my life. I often read Psalm 25 (for the 25th, my birthdate) and I think of all his "lovingkindesses" and of how He "instructs" me. I pray that He will  forgive me my iniquities and "remember not the sins of my youth". How great is our God!

This past year marks a milestone in my life. I've gone from a place of great sadness to great joy. From  poor health to much improved health. From desperation to victory. I am 57 years "old" but feel younger than I have in a long, long while. I am experiencing life more abundantly.

For many years, I have taken the responsibility of having a happy birthday upon myself. I love parties and I love celebrations. I don't expect anyone to throw a party for me, though now and then through the years some have. I make my own party! Really, I do! This year we are planning a large family gathering to celebrate many birthdays - but I'd probably host this event even if it was just for my birthday. You see, I'm grateful for my life and I want to share it with others.

Daddy enjoying the sugar high!

Last year, I was away from home on my birthday, tending to important issues surrounding my mother's death. Still, I took time the day before and stole away for some special alone time. I toured a folk art center, enjoyed the rain, and bought myself some special things. On my actual birthday, I treated Dad and I to beignets, had lunch with some wonderful family, and had a custard with Daddy. Those moments (and photos) took on greater meaning when Daddy died a little over a month later. Even in my sadness and grief, I wanted to make sure I took time to be thankful. I'm so glad I did!

Happiness is an inside job. No one else can "make you happy" and it isn't fair to put that on them. I live my life now to help others dig deep and discover their own joy and happiness so that they can more fully celebrate and enjoy the life and blessings they have. I pray that this day you will reflect on God's goodness to you and find your own reasons to celebrate.

Training Dad on selfies. 

If Ya' Gotta Be Sick or When it Rains, It Pours

I can promise you, I didn’t feel like I had time to be sick this week and who can schedule that anyway? I’d had a wonderful trip to Virginia to celebrate my daughter’s graduation from her Masters program. It was a weekend full of girl time and fun with my littlest granddaughter. I’d also endured one of the worst drives home ever with the last 2 hours growing to 4 hours fighting horrendous rain and Atlanta traffic, but that, as they say, is another story. 

Let me just say that when I get up in the morning and don’t have any desire for coffee, something is definitely amiss. And that’s what happened to me. I awoke to a queasiness and though I made my cuppa, had zero desire to drink it. Hello. Something is going on here. It didn’t take long for the virus to make its presence known and before long I was napping on the couch.

I tend to run my life at a reasonably busy pace. I’ve recently made some changes that keep me at home more, but still, I expect a good deal from myself and like to stay engaged with people and meaningful activities. I manage 2 businesses, am involved at church and love opening my home, especially to family. I’m also a college student and my online classes began Monday. Also, this week is my birthday week. Here’s to 57 trips around the sun! I love my birthday and it often falls on Memorial Day weekend, as it does this year and that gives me a great excuse for a big family party, especially since many of us have May birthdays, my daughter in law and oldest granddaughter included. (Is that sentence too long?) This year we’re expecting between 30 and 40 close family members for our cooperative birthday bash on Sunday. In addition, seeing as we live on a lake, my son who’s in Army aviation school, is bringing home a group of buddies to relax for the weekend. What that all actually signifies is that I had a pretty full schedule planned out for the week, to include a haircut, which ranks darned high on my priority list.

Having said all of that, I also had very little that was hard scheduled this week. Blessing number one! Secondly, I wasn’t so sick that I couldn’t function at all. I had trouble focusing and had about zero energy, but I could read between my (frequent) naps. Blessing number two! And, for some strange reason, I was able to eat certain foods (carbs!) and still lose weight. Blessing number three! Oh! And our area got hit with a tremendous amount of rain (made the national news) and kind of shut down a lot of activities. Blessing number four? (It sure made good sleeping weather!)

I’ve been sleeping a great deal. 4-5 hours a day plus my standard 8 hours at night. I don’t think I was particularly worn down, except for my harrowing 11-hour drive that should’ve been about 9, so I’m blaming the virus. Throughout the week, I’ve spent countless hours on my porch watching the rain and the hummingbirds and the geese. I’ve enjoyed hour upon hour (too much, really) of quiet time. I’ve been able to get my reading for classes done and I’ve been able to eat off-plan foods and still lose weight. (Yes, I know it will likely come back, but I’m still enjoying it!) I stayed awake long enough yesterday to watch Mamma Mia, which was pretty perfect and am up to speed on your Facebook lives. So, while, concentrating has been challenging and I haven’t felt like writing, I’ve managed to have a decent week in spite of being ill.

Posing in front of the mall at my university.

Tomorrow is my 57^th birthday. I’m celebrating the joy of my life and the beautiful people who are a part of it. My husband is sending me and my girls out for dinner Saturday night and then they’re taking me to a paint class for fun (I’ve always wanted to do that!). Somehow, between now and Sunday, I’ll get my schoolwork done, grocery shop (with my hubby’s help), finish the housework (Army guys aren’t too picky, are they?), and get ready to open my home to the people I love the most in this world. I mean, if ya’ gotta be sick, this is not too bad of a way. Feeling Thankful.

What’s the Point?

What’s the point? I mean, why? Seriously, why do you do what you do? And I’m not talking about the kind of reason you list with your accolades. I mean at the core of all you do, why do you do it? What’s the point?

Our society gets all hyped up about success, that is, “success”. We start training our kids at an early age on how to be “successful”: make good grades, have a good handshake, play a sport and a musical instrument, log hours of community service, go to church, be nice, don’t use derogatory speech, comb your hair, wear clean underwear and the one I used a ton, “Make wise choices”. Their father said, “Don’t be stupid.” (His was more effective.)

In our society, academics is pretty much everything and bragging about our kids’ academic success is the norm. Mommy competition at its finest. Social media has only heightened this. Goodness, we can tell the whole world how great our kids are in one status with a few pictures. Of course, what we’re really doing is highlighting how great we are as parents -but that’s another story. Good academics in high school leads to a good college which leads to a degree that leads to a Masters (at least) and we all know that leads to a good job which means SUCCESS!

And yet, time and again, we find burned out kids, parents, adults who are going through the drudgery of life, hating their successful jobs, fake smiling their way to work in their fancy cars as they drop off the next “successful” generation at their elite daycare … I mean, preschool.

Mom and "Tessie" are my favorite titles.

No, I’m not here to bash success and I’ve politely removed my tongue from my cheek. I’m here to push your why button. Are you going after superficial achievements? Are you discovering, like Solomon, that “All is vanity!”? (Ecclesiasties 1:2) Are you feeling stuck in the mire of life, afraid to admit but knowing in your gut, that you’re not doing anything of real value and that you’re dissatisfied?

I’m here today to challenge you to check in with your soul. And not just your soul, check in with GOD. Ask the tough questions – and it may take a month or two or a year or three years – about your purpose. Why did God put you on this planet?

Next college course

I’ve done this over the past couple of years (and I still don’t have complete clarity) and one thing I’m convinced of is that God designed me to help others find greater joy. I believe the ultimate joy experience comes through knowing Jesus as Savior and I seek to make Him known through my work. The more ways I find to discover, experience and express joy, the more I can help you do the same. I write for that reason. I don’t do grammar checks and I rarely rewrite – I feel good if I even proofread, though I have numerous examples as to why I should! I just write what God puts on my heart and I pray that it serves someone else. I bare as much of myself as I can in hope that in my raw state you will see that happiness and joy are possible for you, too. And while I’m certified in life coaching, I continue to study and immerse myself in this work because I owe it to you to bring the best me I can so that you can find the best you.

I’ve found a passion that fuels me. I’m learning at a deep level that everything I’ve been through, good and bad, is useful, not just for me, but for others. Keeping it to myself would deny others of the lesson or help they might need. As I was recently reminded, it’s not my story anyway.  “My” story is useful for others. And so, I put it out there and pray God can use it to encourage those who need it.

If you’re lacking fulfillment and satisfaction, I encourage you to:

• ·         Start journaling your questions.
• ·         Investigate your purpose on earth.
• ·         Consider how God might use your spiritual gifts. (There are quizzes that may help you know what yours gifts are.)
• ·         Ask God to show you how He might serve others through you.
• ·         Read The Serving Leader.
• ·         Examine your values. (A professional life coach can help with this.)
  
  

I waited my whole life to feel good about myself

I’m sitting here, one foot propped on my patio table, wearing a cheap pink, bendable, cowboy hat with an even cheaper rhinestone band, wondering when I first felt less than. When did I begin to feel not pretty enough, not smart enough, not rich enough? Well, let’s be real, we weren’t rich at all. But when and better yet, why, did that awareness creep in and start to infect my sense of self-worth?

.

One of my first truly embarrassing moments happened when I was no more than six years old. It was on the school playground. Like all the other little girls in 1968, I had on a proper little school dress. My dresses usually had big white collars and mama joked that she always knew what I’d had for lunch because it was all over my collar. It must’ve been early in first grade. A group of us were playing on the Jungle Jim (Gym?) and I decided to do my great “hang upside down” trick. All of a sudden, a group of boys started cackling hysterically, pointing and yelling about being able to see my underwear. Maybe that was it. I don’t recall shame or embarrassment before then.

I remember not liking this photo at all
and feeling bad about myself.

Maybe it was the time my mom was swimsuit shopping. She was still in her twenties and I thought she was beautiful.She was  beautiful! I don’t remember everything about that shopping trip, but I do remember her complaining and being upset about herself. Maybe it was then.

Or did it happen through a series of events? Mom not liking her knees. Me deciding and saying that I didn’t like my knees – in sixth grade, when I was slim and had on an adorable brown denim mini skirt with a butterfly applique.

I don’t know when it began. I don’t know how it was perpetuated.  All I know is that for my entire adult life and a good many years before then I didn’t feel good about myself. I felt good about certain things about myself but not me so much. And I’m pretty sure I thought it would be detrimental and possibly even unchristian to actually like myself. Unladylike. Improper.

I liked my smile. I thought I could be funny. I used to like my overall shape but I also thought I was too overweight for a bikini on my honeymoon. (I was a size 10 and quite fit.) I was a dancer. I was a swimmer and a lifeguard. Looking back, I'd even say I was pretty cute, too. I remember people commented on my looks. Men looked at me. But I didn’t feel worthy. The boys I liked liked other girls more. While trying to be seen, I also tried to hide.


I know I was reasonably smart. I made decent grades and was a leader. Still, I didn't feel accepted or popular. Why? And it's funny because I hung out with a pretty popular group and they were smart, too. I was able to skip my Senior year and start college instead, but that made me feel lucky, not smart. I could sing, but didn't rate myself well compared to others. 

The story is complicated. It took a few turns. Some good, some not so much. In my search for acceptance, in my desperate state, I got involved with someone who abused me emotionally. As a result, I let myself believe a pack of lies. My husband has done everything he knows to reassure me and yet for most of our marriage, I’ve felt unworthy of his love and attention. I was continuing the abuse myself, judging myself for being abused and denying myself the love I deserved ... from me.

My absolute favorite outfit these days! 

I could write a book about all the details, but my guess is you already know a lot of them, for it’s your story, too. Blame doesn’t fix it and losing weight without addressing the other issues will most likely be temporary. At the end of the day, you have to get to the point where you can see your strengths and applaud them. Take note of your weaknesses and work around them. Find someone who can help you unravel the lies and see the truth that you are valuable just like you are. That's my goal today. I want to speak truth into your life and urge you to stop abusing yourself. I want to loosen some of the strongholds on you and say, "Get free! Love yourself!". 

Somehow, in what feels like a miraculous chain of events that includes those things I just mentioned, I gained the determination to let me out of my prison. I have been letting my excess weight go. I feel secure in myself and safe. I don't need the weight to protect me any longer. I have let go of the need for others to approve of me (mostly). I have found joy in trying new things and answering my calling. And just this week, I looked in the mirror and realized I like me for the very first time in my life and I’m almost 57 years old. That's a long time to wait to like yourself, people. God loves you - as you are. The least you can do is love yourself. Sure, you're flawed. We all are. But tell me this, how can you expect others to love you if you don't even love yourself? 

Still can't believe how much has changed -
and it doesn't all show in the mirror!

So, what about you? Could you maybe just decide to start today? Stop judging yourself so harshly and start approving of yourself. Stop measuring your value by your clothing size or your weight and start looking on the inside – where God judges us. Stop punishing yourself and start rewarding yourself.

I implore you to find a new way. 57 years is too long to wait. In fact, one more minute spent hating on yourself is too much. Stop it and START discovering how very awesome you are!

There’s a Rainbow on the Horizon

If you weren’t looking for it, you might not even see it, but off in the distance, very pale pastels line up in their proper order, and poke through and around and because of the clouds. Right there is the whole point summed up in one sentence.

I’m sitting in my new favorite spot, on an afterthought of a patio that’s under our screened deck. The only reason we poured concrete under here was to keep the mud at bay and yet, it’s a favorite spot. Why? Because it’s close to the water, but shady and dry. I can watch lake life happen. I can hear the birds. I can feel the breeze.

As I began to ponder my many thoughts this morning, I looked about to see what was happening on the lake and suddenly, quietly, I realized there was the palest of rainbows. And in that came a beautiful life lesson.

The first recorded rainbow that I know of is found in the book of Genesis in the Bible. It happens after the Lord had destroyed the earth by flood and all of its inhabitants save a few people (Noah and his family) and 2 of each animal, male and female. When the flood waters receded, God sent a rainbow as a sign of His promise to never destroy the whole Earth by flood again. Rainbows = hope, promise.

Rainbows are formed by sunlight shining through water. The water refracts the light into the beautiful spectrum of color known as a rainbow. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

Today, I simply want to offer you hope in your own storm. The storm you think no one understands. It may be a private, hellish storm or it may be obvious to all who know you. Storms come in many forms. A storm to me, may not be any big deal to you. It’s all relative.

Storms can produce rainbows, literally and figuratively. No matter the storm, there is hope. There can be joy. Storms do not last forever. And the rainbow? Well, without the storm, without the rain, they don’t even happen.

Whatever you’re dealing with today, I offer hope that it is not a wasted trial. With the right perspective, you may be able to catch a glimpse, no matter how pale, of the rainbow waiting for you. Good can come from bad. (Romans 8:28) Our trials produce perseverance, perseverance builds character, character yields hope and hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:3-5). Based on this, you can actually give thanks for your storms. God can use it to bring the rainbow you’ve been waiting for.

I have so much to learn

My mouth opens quickly.

My brain engages slowly.

I have so much to learn.

Mother, Wife,

Leader, Teacher

I have so much to learn.

I’ve built things and

Watched them fall

To the ground, in pieces all.

I have so much to learn.

I hardly know myself

Yet try to tell you

How to do you.

I have so much to learn.

My failures behind

And more yet to come,

Always still trying,

I have so much to learn.

I see you, want to know you,

Keep you at a distance.

I have so much to learn.

You’re wrong, I’m right.

My vision is clouded.

I have so much to learn.

Open my eyes that I may see

Glimpses of truth says the old hymn.

I have so much to learn.

Agree to disagree,

Love deeply still

Accepting, forgiving

I have so much to learn.

Yesterday has gone,

Tomorrow’s yet to be,

I’ve only today to learn what’s for me.

I have so much to learn.

Copyright 2018

Stephanie Redmond

When Mother's Day isn't Perfect

It’s Mother’s Day. A time to celebrate all the mothers and give them honor. A day filled with flowers and brunches. Dresses and bows in the hair. Gifts purchased long in advance and some in the last minute. Church pews filled with families looking radiant and bright.

And in the midst of all the celebrations, the cards, the flowers are broken hearts and mothers missed. Empty wombs and tears held in. Among the pews and in the restaurants are mothers being celebrated who are at their wits end. Mothers who aren’t particularly good. Great mothers who feel horrible over secrets they’ve kept to themselves. Mothers who lost their temper this week or last, some who cried all night. Mothers whose husbands just left this earth, trying to figure it out alone. Mothers who never had a husband for support.

We package it up so pretty the second Sunday in May. Every family looks perfect on Mother’s Day. And you might feel like the only broken, hurting one. It’s not true. Others are in pain too – some barely keeping it together. I want to hold your face in my hands as I speak to you…

Being a mother is hard at times. Not being a mother is hard, too. Losing a mother is hard. Being a single mother is hard. I’m talking to all of you.

I admire you and value you – just like you are. Life is so very, very precious. If you’ve given life to another and sometimes feel like a total failure or long for a weekend (or moment) alone, I remember feeling that way, too. If you’ve expected a baby that didn’t survive, I’ve felt that too. The baby I miscarried was due day before yesterday. I remember the loss and how it wasn’t even talked about – barely acknowledged. And today, for the second year, I face Mother’s Day without my own mother, so that’s another layer to this day full of emotion.

So here is what I’m slowly getting around to. Enjoy this day for what it is and find comfort in knowing no one’s life is perfect no matter what you read on Facebook today. But even so, Mother’s Day can be a beautiful day and I challenge you to find the joy. Celebrate your own mother if she is alive still and give thanks for her. No matter how toxic the relationship, know that she gave up much for you – even if she didn’t mother well. (Or if you didn’t child well.) Celebrate the other mothers around you, even if you’re missing the joy of motherhood yourself. Know that as wonderful as motherhood is, it comes with great sacrifice. So many young mothers are struggling and they all wonder if they’re “doing it right”.  You can be an encouragement to them and maybe offer some help.

 

Someone did that for my daughter this week. With her husband gone for Army training for the month, first her 1 year old, then she, were struck with a stomach bug. A friend from church came along side, took her little one home with her, kept her for the night and took care of her until my daughter was able. That was a gift!

I’m so thankful for my role as “Mom”. I did a lot wrong, but hopefully, I did some things right, too. I have 3 kids who are grown and married and am blessed with 2 granddaughters so far. When I see the life around me, it’s a bit easier to cope with the losses. It’s where I choose to put my focus.

Today I miss my mom but don’t feel the stabs of grief. I’m thankful for the time I had with her, the way she’d pat my hand, the phone calls, the things she gave up so that we could have the things we did.

It’s Mother’s Day and while it may be painful for you, I pray that you can find thankfulness, too. And maybe even some joy. Search your memories for the good times – even if they’re few. You can give thanks for your own life. No matter what lies behind or is yet to come, you have life because someone mothered you. And good or bad, it all led to who you are. You can celebrate.

What Are You Looking At?

Glad I took this one - it showed me that I missed a button! 

Ahhhhhh, the endless game of measuring our success. We want to know how we’re doing, where we need to apply pressure, if we’re doing enough. We’ve got goals, after all, and we can’t just expect them to come true on their own! People are watching, expecting, anticipating, judging. And I’m here to tell you, the one really doing all of that is you. No one is as hard on you as you – and it may be killing your dreams.

Last night I almost fell for it. I caught myself starting to chew myself out. You see, I’m on a weight reduction plan – that’s not quite accurate – I’m on a LIFE IMPROVEMENT plan that involves eating a certain way for maximum effect. Now, goal-driven person that I am, I am all in for maximum effect. I eat a certain way most all of the time and am very selective about deviations. If I’m going off-plan it has to be for a good reason and for good food. I recognize the choice is all mine.

Rivermill Event Center Columbus, GA

So, last night my husband and I attended a special event in town celebrating the grand opening of a fancy event center. I was super excited. I got dressed in a pretty black dress, put on heels and gathered my cute little evening bag filled with lipstick and debit card, just in case. (I always carry i.d., a little cash and a card, just in case. In case of what, I don’t know, but just in case.) I didn’t worry too much ahead of time about the food because I anticipated a bit of a spread and some choices. The first sign of trouble was when a speaker mentioned they weren’t able to cook onsite yet. Uh-oh – insert thought balloon with the words “That could mean trouble.”. The options were definitely limited and I was definitely hungry. I made the choice to forego my best wisdom and eat. I knew as I made that decision that it would be all right. I knew I wouldn’t be derailed from my plan. I knew that my body would be fine. I knew that it was a mere blip of time on a long journey. I knew all of that.

In spite of my awareness, I could hear my inner voice start to chastise me. I could feel myself start to fret. I could feel the anxiety rising. And I could feel my stomach bloating from the macaroni and cheese bar. (Yeah, that’s a thing apparently.)

Here’s how I stopped the downward spiral – which isn’t actual productive anyway. I reminded myself how far I’ve come. I took time in the beautiful bathroom to snap a selfie in the full-length mirror. I reminded myself where I was just a month ago, let alone 6 months ago.

Family fun day with our granddaughter! 

In a similar vein, last week my daughter snapped a picture of me from behind ---- without my knowledge. I'm sure most women can imagine my anxiety as I opened the picture. To my surprise, I absolutely loved the picture. It showed me out having fun with people I love and I could totally see the changes in my body - and I liked it. I posted it in a private group and one woman responded that she thought it great that I could look at that picture and not be discouraged. I ruffled a bit but realized she was saying that she would have difficulty seeing a picture of herself. I thought: why wouldn't I love this? What's not too love? I have no idea what I'll look like at "goal weight", but I love my progress. That keeps me going! 

About 60 lbs gone at this point.

When you choose to look at how far you’ve come instead of putting all your focus on how far you have to go, your mind engages differently. Your subconscious mind loves being congratulated on a job well-done and while it loves goals, it doesn’t respond so well to tongue lashings. By shifting my focus to how well I’ve done and how much I’ve lost, I can enjoy a sense of accomplishment that makes me want to keep going. It works that way for you, too. When you rehearse your failures, your subconscious mind kicks into high gear trying to protect you from that pain. The best way to stop the pain? Quit. Quit trying and there’s no reason to yell at yourself. Your subconscious mind has done its job.

Here’s a better way:

·         Look at how far you’ve come and congratulate yourself.

·         Determine one thing you can implement right now to improve your performance slightly – say to go from a 3 to a 4. Your subconscious mind can engage on that level.

·         Create an action plan that you can calendar and measure for that one thing.

·         Stop the overwhelm madness of all or nothing.

The Worst Thing You Can Say

Our culture is changing in America. We are increasingly aware of not offending others. Bullying is no longer acceptable. We’re governing speech in ways I haven’t known before.

I grew up in a much less sensitive environment. Racial comments were the norm and things that are now known to be offensive were once considered polite references. Our society misused words like “retarded” and made them insults, slurs. Back then it was considered funny to mock anyone who was different. Verbal bullying was o.k. It was normal to demean women, people of color, short people, tall people. Now? Not so much. We, I hope, are learning to be more aware of the impact of our words.

However, one area of speech that is gaining popularity is that of cursing. Rare is the day when you will hear anyone apologize for their profanity. It is, as far as I can see, considered a type of liberation. Ah, the complete freedom to say whatever you please, as long as it’s not offending anyone. Of course, it is offending people, but not in the way I've already mentioned. 

I recall sitting at a restaurant, and this has happened more than once, dining near a table of military members. We, and others around us, were dining with our families. Oblivious to those around them, the group used one curse word after another and they did so loudly, taking no concern for those they may have been offending nor of the children around them. My husband discreetly stepped over and drew their attention to the families in their vicinity and they kindly changed their talk. I appreciated that. However, that was 10 years ago. I’m not sure that would be so effective today.

The language on t.v is coarse, the jokes are crude. And I wonder, is the majority unaware that others find their language offensive? Now, let’s be clear, I don’t hold myself up as the greatest example of all, to be sure. I have plenty plenty of flaws and I can be found guilty of language issues myself. My goal is not to condemn but rather to offer a view, draw awareness.

In recent years, I’ve become aware of the way profane language is tossed around so casually. So insensitively. And of course, the “F” word has become the new norm.  It’s everywhere. Believe it or not, this hasn’t always been the case. Until fairly recently, this word was whispered, mouthed, implied but never blurted out in polite company. Not that I’m aware of. I mean, the military people I was around used it freely among themselves, but other than that, I rarely heard it and even then, if it was uttered, there was also a sense  that it might not be appreciated by everyone. Again, I’m just drawing awareness.

You might think that I believe this is the worst thing you could say. This major curse word, once reserved for the worst of situations, this surely must be the worst. But it isn’t. Not in my mind anyway. The worst thing I believe anyone can say to another is a phrase that I’ve heard my entire life. One rarely covered up. One delivered in jokes. One friend to another.

The worst thing I think you could say to someone else is “Go to hell.”. We say it so casually and I doubt we consider what we’re actually saying. To curse someone to hell is to say “No eternal life for you!” “No Jesus for you!” “Live with the mortal enemy of Christ forever!”. That’s what that phrase means. It grieves me to hear it. And the worst part? I’ve said it. In anger, I have viciously flung that phrase. And I regret it.

Our language can be a beautiful gift. We have the choice when we speak to lift others up or not. With our mouths, we can bless or we can curse. Our words can give life and hope. The Scripture says we should not bless God and curse man who is made in God’s image from the same mouth (James 3:9,10) – and yet we do. Christians are told to “let no unwholesome talk come out of [our] mouth” (Ephesians 4:29).

All of this to say, our language matters. Our words matter. We would do well to censor ourselves sometimes simply out of respect for others around us. And when we choose to curse, we might benefit from considering what we are actually saying. I would not actually wish hell on anyone but the vilest offender – and even for them, I’d like to think I could pray for their soul to be save and their life changed.

The Value of a Well-placed Yes (or No)

Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) 

I’ve heard it said that we are conditioned from early age to answer, “No”. Our initial response is simply no. We don’t need help in a store. We don’t want that item someone is selling. We’re busy, can’t commit to anything else. In the South, we say a lot of “No, thank you”. We also say, “Bless your heart”, but that’s another story. Truth be told, we do say “no” an awful lot and awfully easily. I recall being in stores (way more than once), looking for something specific, not knowing how the items were organized and answering “No” when asked if the sales person could help me. Yes, we say “no” a lot. Easily. Even when we mean “yes”. Puzzling, isn’t it?

By the same token, we often dole out our yeses all too easily.

“Can you help with this project?” – Yes. Without checking in with ourselves or our calendars or our families.

“Would you like some cake?” – Yes. No matter that we’re trying to reduce our weight or have diabetes or don’t like that particular person’s cake.

“Wanna sleep together [even though we just met tonight, know nothing about each other, have no intention of ever seeing each other again]?” – Yes. No matter that we’re desperately looking for a life partner or think it’s wrong or know our heart is on the rebound or that we don’t have protection.

I’m being provocative deliberately – and not just about casual sex. As I ponder this concept, I realize that the corporate we are indiscriminate, lacking discernment, impulsive. We just toss our yes and no around as if they don’t matter. Does that make us foolish? Lacking wisdom?

Here’s the heart of what I’m trying to get to… are we even available for the best things when they come along? Are we saying yes and no so quickly that we are missing the big YES moments that could change our lives or that of another?

A couple of years ago, I made a decision to say “Yes” more. I wanted to free myself from the things that didn’t really fit in my life or God’s plan (as I understood it) so that I could say “Yes” to more and better things. I wanted to say “Yes” to God more readily, to my husband, to my family, to good business opportunities, to my health choices. To be more available to the important things.

Did you catch the point? In order to say “Yes” to the best, I had to say “No” to the merely okay. This takes courage, backbone and commitment. And you can take it to the bank that when you begin to relinquish some things, there will be pushback. That’s where the backbone and commitment really come in handy. Your choices will be challenged – and not just by those around you. Your own ego and mind will challenge you as you answer to your soul.

As you begin to make discerning responses that are geared toward your highest values and callings, you will find new strength. You will find more joy in your calendar as you weed out the unimportant and add in the most important (as determined by you and God). You will find greater enthusiasm and fulfillment. You will find yourself more available to the best things God has for you.